Share
How I quit alcohol
373. Returning without Shame - Relapse, The Stages of Change Mini Series
•
Episode 6 — Returning Without ShameUnderstanding the Relapse Stage of Change
In today’s episode we conclude our Change Is Not Linear series exploring the Stages of Change model developed by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente.
This episode explores the relapse stage, or what is often referred to as “recycling” through the stages of change.
Relapse is one of the most misunderstood and shame-filled parts of behaviour change, yet it is also one of the most human.
In this episode we explore:
- Why relapse does not mean failure
- The cyclical nature of healing and behaviour change
- How shame can keep people stuck longer than the behaviour itself
- Nervous system responses and returning to familiar coping strategies
- The emotional build-up that often happens before relapse
- Why relapse rarely begins with the behaviour itself
- All-or-nothing thinking and shame spirals
- The importance of compassion, honesty, and support
- How relapse can provide important insight and information
- Returning to yourself without self abandonment
We also talk about how relapse does not erase growth, awareness, healing, or progress, and why many people move through the stages of change multiple times before long-term transformation becomes sustainable.
This episode is an invitation to view setbacks with compassion instead of self punishment, and to remember that healing doesn't equal perfection but an opportunity to return to yourself again and again.
- Where in my life do I still equate struggle with failure?
- What usually happens emotionally before I abandon myself or return to old patterns?
- How do I speak to myself after mistakes or setbacks?
- What would change if I viewed relapse as information instead of proof that I’m broken?
- What support helps me return to myself when I’m struggling?
- Can I believe that healing is still possible, even when the journey is imperfect?
- Episode 1 — Protecting the Behaviour
- Episode 2 — Living Between Two Worlds
- Episode 3 — Imagining Another Life
- Episode 4 — Practising a New Way of Being
- Episode 5 — The Practice of Staying
- Episode 6 — Returning Without Shame
If this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who may need the reminder that setbacks do not erase progress, and that healing can still continue after difficult moments.
More episodes
View all episodes
387. The impact of childhood trauma and family dynamics on addiction with Jo Kinna
01:01:23|In this episode, Jo shares his profound journey through addiction, rehab, and recovery, highlighting the importance of self-awareness, healing modalities like breathwork, and the power of community and support in transforming lives. Jo talks about the cycle of shame that comes with addiction and breaking free of that cycle. To reach out to Jo on insta go to @beyondthewave_For more resources such as coaching or to join the next HIQA challenge go towww.iquitalcohol.com.auFollow HIQA insta @howiquitalcohol Music for Podcast intro and outro written by Danni Carr performed by Mr CassidyIf you are struggling with physical dependancy on alcohol consider contacting a local AA meeting or a drug and alcohol therapist. Always consult a GP before stopping alcohol.
386. Getting back on track after a lapse with coach Chris Gimpel
44:37|summaryIn this episode, Danni and Chris Gimpel explore relapse in sobriety, sharing personal stories, common themes, and practical strategies for getting back on track. They emphasise the importance of self-awareness, acceptance, and proactive support in maintaining long-term change. They also discuss warning signs of a lapse. For more resources such as coaching or to join the next HIQA challenge or to book in with Chriswww.iquitalcohol.com.auFollow HIQA insta @howiquitalcohol Music for Podcast intro and outro written by Danni Carr performed by Mr CassidyIf you are struggling with physical dependancy on alcohol consider contacting a local AA meeting or a drug and alcohol therapist. Always consult a GP before stopping alcohol.
385. You Slipped. Now What? How to Get Back on Track - solo episode with Danni
32:23|In this episode, Danni discusses how to handle lapses in sobriety, the difference between a lapse and a relapse, and practical strategies to get back on track without shame. She shares personal stories, mental models, and actionable tips to support lasting change.key topicsDifference between lapse and relapseImmediate actions after a slip-upThe importance of pausing and self-awarenessRegulating the nervous system to prevent relapseCreating a relapse prevention planThe role of self-compassion and curiosityThe impact of thoughts and beliefs on recoveryBuilding trust and confidence in oneself
384. Defining problematic drinking with sommelier turned sober coach , Ted Gibson
49:57|In this episode, Ted Gibson shares his journey from a professional in the alcohol industry to becoming a sober coach. He discusses the evolving understanding of what constitutes problematic drinking, the challenges of sobriety while working in hospitality, and practical tips for those considering a sober lifestyle.He talks about his own social anxiety and using alcohol to mask that and also the anxiety around losing his hair which was causing a lot of discomfort for him.We also talk about the definitions of problematic drinking behaviour and how it is not always just being at rock bottom.To reach out to Ted go to @tedgibsoncoaching on InstaFor more resources such as coaching or to join the next HIQA challenge go towww.iquitalcohol.com.auFollow HIQA insta @howiquitalcohol Music for Podcast intro and outro written by Danni Carr performed by Mr CassidyIf you are struggling with physical dependancy on alcohol consider contacting a local AA meeting or a drug and alcohol therapist. Always consult a GP before stopping alcohol.
383. Missing the old self on the annual "Slap A Salami Saturday" - Monthly Check In with Ty
22:36|summaryIn this episode, Tyrone shares his journey of sobriety, the challenges of social events without alcohol, and the importance of understanding personal cycles in behavior change. Danni guides a deep conversation on how to find stability and growth beyond the highs and lows of alcohol moderation.We talk about Ty's realisation that he may have been addicted to the cycle of binge, quit, binge, quit. Also the the challenge he faced for his annual "Slap A Salami Saturday". For more resources such as coaching or to join the next HIQA challenge go towww.iquitalcohol.com.auFollow HIQA insta @howiquitalcohol Music for Podcast intro and outro written by Danni Carr performed by Mr CassidyIf you are struggling with physical dependancy on alcohol consider contacting a local AA meeting or a drug and alcohol therapist. Always consult a GP before stopping alcohol.
382. From Beer Bongs for Breakfast to 8 years of sobriety with Erika Gibson
46:25|In this episode, Yoga teacher Erika Gibson shares her inspiring journey from partying and alcohol use to embracing sobriety, yoga, and self-awareness. Discover how her transformation has impacted her life, relationships, and spiritual path, offering valuable insights for anyone considering or on a similar journey.To reach out to Erika you can find her on Instagram at @erikagibsonyogaThe book Danni mentioned is Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself by Dr Joe DispenzaFor more resources such as coaching or to join the next HIQA challenge go towww.iquitalcohol.com.auFollow HIQA insta @howiquitalcohol Music for Podcast intro and outro written by Danni Carr performed by Mr CassidyIf you are struggling with physical dependancy on alcohol consider contacting a local AA meeting or a drug and alcohol therapist. Always consult a GP before stopping alcohol.
381. The Fears we have about quitting alcohol with the HIQA Grads group
01:06:52|In this episode we share Danni and the HIQA about some of the common fears we experienced around quitting alcohol.
380. Coming out of the darkness and shining your light with Gorillaz bass player Seye Adelekan
01:05:08|summaryIn this episode, Singer Songwriter and Bass Player for the Gorillaz, Seye Adelekan shares his powerful journey from addiction to sobriety, highlighting the importance of self-love, community, and mental health. Seye has become and advocate for musicians and their mental health through various programs such a Music Minds Matter in the UK. Seye talks about the how sobriety has enhanced his life in so many areas, from his creativity to his connections. Seye was in the darkest place with his alcohol consumption, drinking wine first thing in the morning and alcohol stealing so much of what was good in his life. He eventually got into a rehab program and he slowly rebuilt his life. We also talk about meeting life on life's terms, the ability to go from playing stadium gigs in front of 10's of thousands of people and coming down from shows in much healthier ways. He also shares lots of tips for early sobriety, including placing time limits on your socials engagements and being with cravings. This is an amazing episode, full of so much wisdom from this wonderful human. Links below Music Minds Matter - Help Musicians UKSeye Adelekan - InstagramFor more resources such as coaching or to join the next HIQA challenge go towww.iquitalcohol.com.auFollow HIQA insta @howiquitalcohol Music for Podcast intro and outro written by Danni Carr performed by Mr CassidyIf you are struggling with physical dependancy on alcohol consider contacting a local AA meeting or a drug and alcohol therapist. Always consult a GP before
379. The truth about sober social situations with comedian, Mandy Nolan
46:51|In this episode, Comedian, Mandy Nolan shares her journey of sobriety, the impact on her comedy career, and how giving up alcohol has transformed her life. We explore the social dynamics of being sober, the humour in sobriety, and practical tips for maintaining a sober lifestyle.Resourceshttps://lyres.com/en-au/search?q=proseccoMandy Nolan's WebsiteGuest linksTwitterInstagramFor more resources such as coaching or to join the next HIQA challenge go towww.iquitalcohol.com.auFollow HIQA insta @howiquitalcohol Music for Podcast intro and outro written by Danni Carr performed by Mr CassidyIf you are struggling with physical dependancy on alcohol consider contacting a local AA meeting or a drug and alcohol therapist. Always consult a GP before stopping alcohol.