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Grief is a Sneaky Bitch
Nikki Mark | Tommy's Field
5 years ago, while today’s guest, Nikki Mark, was driving her 12-year-old son, Tommy, to a soccer game, he turned to her and asked, “Mom, is it possible to go to sleep and not wake up?” Nikki told him that’s how one of his grandmothers passed away: “it’s the best way to go-no pain, no drama.” He surprised Nikki further by stating, “It must be hard for a parent to lose a child.” Something told her in that car ride to tell him all the things she loved about him. Three days later, Tommy passed away in his sleep. There's still no medical explanation.
Since that day, Nikki says she surrendered and that act has taken her on a healing path unlike many others – one that has included psychics, mediums, psychadelics, astrologists, and more. Even more profoundly, she has brought her strength and sheer determination to fulfill the dreams of not just Tommy, but so many families, by fundraising and then donating public fields to create Tommy’s Field – an open-to-the-public athletic fields that keep Tommy’s love of soccer and community alive and well.
About the Guest & Resources
Nikki’s “inspirational debut memoir” (as lauded by Publisher’s Weekly) is entitled Tommy’s Field: Love, Loss and the Goal of a Lifetime. Prior to losing Tommy, Nikki released a children's book series - The MightyMom Series- which includes Mommy Brings Home the Bacon; Mommy's Got a Bun in the Oven; and MightyMom. All author’s profits from all book sales are being donated to the TM23 Foundation to build more athletic fields where they are most needed, and to brighten our world with the #powerofplay. Access Nikki’s free weekly articles, popular alternative healing toolkit, and other valuable resources at Nikkimark.com.
Host Lisa Keefauver’s forthcoming book Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org. Drop her a DM on Instagram @lisakeefauvermsw to let her know you did and she’ll send you a party invite to her Book Launch Celebration
Visit www.lisakeefauver.com to learn more about Lisa, sign up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter, register for an upcoming online grief workshop or watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less.
Oh, and this season, if you want to WATCH the show, you can now watch it on YouTube @lisakeefauvermsw
Recorded March 16th, 2024.
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Special Episode #1 | Lisa Keefauver & Co-Host Kousha Navidar
55:36||Season 6Answering your grief questions LIVE in this SPECIAL EPISODE of Grief is a Sneaky Bitch, with co-host Kousha Navidar. Co-host Kousha introduces 4 callers (Sachi, Robin, Bethany, and Sabrina) to Host Lisa Keefauver as she answers their questions in real time. They explore themes of compounding grief, the importance of communication in expressing needs, and the role of movement and rituals in processing loss. The conversation emphasizes the duality of experiencing joy amidst grief and the necessity of self-compassion in navigating the grieving process. Listeners are encouraged to find their own paths through grief, recognizing that there is no right way to heal.ABOUT SPECIAL CO-HOSTLisa and Kousha met in the summer of 2024 when she appeared as a guest on the WNYC NPR show, All of It, where Kousha was serving as a special host. Kousha is a host, writer, and producer. He has hosted national shows at WNYC / NPR, has been on-air talent at PBS, a former speechwriter for a member of President Obama's cabinet, and a high school math teacher. Kousha has hosted and produced shows on WNYC / NPR including The Brian Lehrer Show, All of It, and Notes from America. At WGBH / PBS, he helped launch the national show Point Taken, where he developed a companion YouTube series to reach younger viewers typically outside PBS's viewership. As a speechwriter, Kousha has written for and advised politicians, celebrities, and executives around the country.ABOUT THE SHOW & HOSTLisa Keefauver is a social worker, widow, and grief activist on a mission to reimagine the narratives of grief, one conversation at a time. LEARN more at www.lisakeefauver.com.FOLLOW @lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram.LISTEN to Grief is a Sneaky Bitch Podcast - Available on all podcast platforms.READ Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss. Available in bookstores and on your favorite online booksellers, including Bookshop.Org. Also available as an audiobook.WATCH her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less hereSPECIAL EPISODE NEWSSubmit your question: If you have a grief question, you’d like Lisa to answer on the air, record your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/GriefIsASneakyBitchLive. Make sure you’re subscribed to the show so you get notified when these bonus episodes drop so you can hear your question, and her answer live on the air.Alica Forneret | Mother Loss & Motherhood
01:12:20||Season 6I’m thrilled to share that today’s guest is Alica Forneret. You might recognize her name as her writing and work about grief, work, and race have been featured in The The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, GQ, and more. She is also an educator, speaker, and consultant dedicated to creating new spaces for people to explore grief and grieving. She is the Founder and Executive Director of PAUSE, a nonprofit focused on supporting Communities of Color through grief and end of life. In this episode, we explore some very important themes, including the grief around adoption, mother loss, grieving someone who we had a complicated relationship with, and the experiences of grieving as a Black woman. I so appreciate Alica’s honesty, thoughtfulness, and directness in helping us better understand some of the more complex corners of grief. ABOUT THE GUESTLearn more about Alica by visiting https://alicaforneret.co/ and her incredible organization, PAUSE, at www.timetopause.org.Don't forget to sign up for the PAUSE Resource Fair happening at Our House in Los Angeles on November 23rd. ABOUT THE SHOW & HOSTLisa Keefauver is a social worker, widow, and grief activist on a mission to reimagine the narratives of grief, one conversation at a time. Learn more at www.lisakeefauver.com.Follow @lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram.Listen to Grief is a Sneaky Bitch Podcast - Available on all podcast platforms.Read Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss. Available in bookstores and on your favorite online booksellers, including Bookshop.Org. Also available as an audiobook.Watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less hereSPECIAL EPISODE NEWSSubmit your question: If you have a grief question, you’d like Lisa to answer on the air, record your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/GriefIsASneakyBitchLive. Make sure you’re subscribed to the show so you get notified when these bonus episodes drop so you can hear your question, and her answer live on the air.Dr. Red Hoffman | Violent and Complicated Loss
01:29:14||Season 6In this conversation, Dr. Red Hoffman shares her experiences with grief and loss, including the deaths of her grandparents, the murder of her father in a terrorist attack, and the death by suicide of her boyfriend. She discusses the challenges of navigating grief as a teenager and the lack of support and language to express her emotions. Red also talks about her journey into the medical field, combining her passion for surgery with her interest in palliative care and end-of-life conversations. She discusses the unique challenges faced by survivors of violent loss, including the loss of safety in the world and the complications of dealing with the legal system and media. Red emphasizes the importance of extending grace to oneself and others in the grieving process and highlights the need for understanding and support for survivors of violent loss.MORE ABOUT THE GUESTMelissa Red Hoffman, MD, ND, FACS began her professional career as a naturopathic physician and a yoga teacher and now practices as an acute care surgeon (a combination of trauma, emergency general surgery, and surgical critical) at Mission Hospital in Asheville. As one of just 90 US surgeons board-certified in Hospice and Palliative Medicine, she serves as an Associate Hospice Medical Director at Care Partners. Red is the co-founder of the Surgical Palliative Care Society. She recently launched a new podcast, The Surgical Soul with Red MD, focused on the joys and struggles of surgeons, both inside and outside of the operating room.ABOUT THE SHOW & HOSTLisa Keefauver is a social worker, widow, and grief activist on a mission to reimagine the narratives of grief, one conversation at a time. Learn more at www.lisakeefauver.com.Follow @lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram.Listen to Grief is a Sneaky Bitch Podcast - Available on all podcast platforms.Read Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss. Available in bookstores and Amazon, Bookshop.Org. Barnes & Noble. Also available in the UK and available as an audiobook.Watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less hereDr. Joanne Cacciatore | Bearing the Unbearable
01:10:10||Season 6Dr. Joanne Cacciatore is an expert in traumatic grief and she is also a bereaved mother. The conversation today is wide and deep exploring themes including: traumatic grief, the loss of a child, the healing practices and rituals required to metabolize loss, the ways in which our culture makes navigating the messy non-linear path of grief unnecessarily difficult, and so much more. Her best selling book, Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief, is one of my all-time favorite books on loss and a national award winning best seller that has helped revolutionize the way our culture thinks, and feels, about grief. MORE ABOUT THE GUESTDr. Joanne Cacciatore is a Professor at Arizona State University, a Senior Sustainability Scholar, and Director of the Graduate Certificate in Trauma and Bereavement Program. She is in the top 2% of scholars in her field around the world, and has devoted her life to research, practice, and community based care of those suffering traumatic grief. She served on Oprah and Prince Harry’s Mental Health Committee for the Apple TV Series, The Me You Can’t See, which also featured her work at the Selah Carefarm, a therapeutic ecocommunity that combines rescued animals with humans who are grieving the tragic death of a child, parent, partner, or other primary family member. Her research has been published in the Lancet, and other medical journals, and she just released one the Great Courses called Understanding and Coping with Grief with Audible in 2022. ABOUT THE SHOW & HOSTLisa Keefauver is a social worker, widow, and grief activist on a mission to reimagine the narratives of grief, one conversation at a time. Learn more at www.lisakeefauver.com.Follow @lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram.Listen to Grief is a Sneaky Bitch Podcast - Available on all podcast platforms.Read Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss. Available in bookstores and on your favorite online booksellers, including Bookshop.Org. Also available as an audiobook.Watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less hereSPECIAL EPISODE NEWSSubmit your question: If you have a grief question, you’d like Lisa to answer on the air, record your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/GriefIsASneakyBitchLive. Make sure you’re subscribed to the show so you get notified when these bonus episodes drop so you can hear your question, and her answer live on the air.Tembi Locke | From Scratch
57:02||Season 6Kicking off Season 6 of the show, actress and author Tembi Locke shares her experience of grief and the lessons she learned after the death of her husband. She discusses the importance of bringing awareness to grief and the opportunity it provides for connection and aliveness. She emphasizes the need to hold both the pain of loss and the joy of the person's life. Tembi also talks about the impact her husband had on her and the importance of sharing stories and memories of loved ones. In this conversation, Lisa Keefauver and Tembi Locke discuss the daily challenges of grief and the importance of finding agency and small moments of control amid loss. They also explore the vulnerability of being a young widow and the overwhelming weight of responsibility. Tembi shares her experience of navigating solo parenting and the importance of finding a partner who can understand and support her grief journey. They emphasize the need for rest, self-care, and finding moments of joy or ease in the midst of grief.SHOW RESOURCESFrom Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home: https://www.amazon.com/Scratch-Memoir-Love-Sicily-Finding/dp/150118766X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=From Scratch (the Netflix special): https://www.netflix.com/title/81104486 ABOUT THE SHOW & HOSTLisa Keefauver is a social worker, widow, and grief activist on a mission to reimagine the narratives of grief, one conversation at a time.Learn more at www.lisakeefauver.com.Follow @lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram.Listen to Grief is a Sneaky Bitch Podcast - Available on all podcast platforms.Read Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss. Available in bookstores, favorite online booksellers, including Bookshop.Org. Also available as an audiobook.Watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less hereSPECIAL EPISODE NEWSSubmit your question: If you have a grief question, you’d like Lisa to answer on the air, record your question here: https://www.speakpipe.com/GriefIsASneakyBitchLive. Make sure you’re subscribed to the show so you get notified when these bonus episodes drop so you can hear your question, and her answer live on the air.This conversation was recorded in May 2024 prior to the release of host Lisa Keefauver’s book and held to be the kickoff episode for Season 6 of the podcast.Jessica Fein | Breath Taking
01:14:11||Season 5Jessica Fein has faced a lot of loss. Siblings, parents, and in 2022 her daughter Dalia. At the age of five Jessica’s daughter Dalia was diagnosed with a rare degenerative disease that would claim her life at 17. Before that moment came, and inspired by Dalia’s own insuppressible zest for life, Jessica and her family would discover how to live in the present when the future can’t be fixed. In our conversation today, and in her beautiful book, Breath Taking: A Memoir of Family, Dreams, and Broken Genes, Jessica maps both her journey to becoming an adoptive mom and the roller coaster ride of loving and caring for a terminally ill child, persevering when the simple act of taking a breath can become an act of courage. Through it all, she discovers the need to be both relentless advocate and calm presence, to show vulnerability as well as strength, and to allow joy to be louder than sorrow. About the Guest & ResourcesIn addition to being a writer and a fierce advocate in the memory of her daughter, she's also host of the "I Don't Know How You Do It” podcast, which features people whose lives seem unimaginable from the outside. I’m grateful to share that I had the chance to be on the other side of the microphone and join her on her show recently too. Host Lisa Keefauver’s forthcoming book Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org and will be in bookstores JUNE 4th. Visit www.lisakeefauver.com to learn more about Lisa, sign up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter, register for an upcoming online grief workshop, find out if she is coming to a city near you for her book tour, or watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less. Oh, and this season, if you want to WATCH the show, you can now watch it on YouTube @lisakeefauvermsw Recorded May 8, 2024Human, Not Superhero (Episode Revisit) | Hui-Wen Sato
01:22:17||Season 5I’m inviting you to revisit a very special conversation I had from Season 4 of this podcast with my guest pediatric ICU nurse, Hui-Wen Sato.Why? Well something absolutely crazy and horrible happened to the both of us shortly after we recorded that episode in November 2022. Just over 2 months later, on January 20th 2023, we BOTH received a Breast Cancer Diagnosis. On the EXACT SAME DAY. You'll hear a compelling new intro about the friendship that formed and of course have a chance to listen or re-listen to the profound wisdom Hui-Wen shares in our conversation.What must it be like to be a pediatric ICU Nurse day in and day out, witnessing children and families in the most vulnerable and often grief-filled moments of their lives? Today’s guest, Hui-Wen Sato weaves a beautiful narrative about the realities of professional grief and the important cultural shifts needed to better serve both families and the medical professionals that serve them. She also shares the personal resources she draws on to sustain her and the role of storytelling as healing for all involved. And, as the title implies, she also implores us to stop putting healthcare workers on a pedestal. Hui-wen is a pediatric ICU nurse based in Los Angeles. She holds an MPH and MSN from UCLA, and is currently obtaining her Certification in Narrative Medicine from Columbia University. She and her husband have two daughters, two tortoises and one complicated dog. EPISODE RESOURCES:Her 2017 TEDxTalk was promoted to the main TED webpage in 2020, titled “How Grief Helped Me Become a Better Caregiver.”You can also now view her powerful talk at End Well hereShe has been featured in podcasts with NPR TED Radio Hour and The Silent Why, as well as webinars for Happify and the Speaking Grief Initiative.You can follow her work at http://heartofnursing.blog. Host Lisa Keefauver’s forthcoming book Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org. Drop her a DM on Instagram @lisakeefauvermsw to let her know you did and she’ll send you a party invite to her Book Launch Celebration Visit www.lisakeefauver.com to learn more about Lisa, sign up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter, register for an upcoming online grief workshop, find out if she is coming to a city near you for her book tour, or watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less. Original episode recorded October 28, 2022. Recorded New Intro May 6, 2023 - 14 months after both guest and host were diagnosed with Breast Cancer on the exact same day - January 20, 2023.J.S. Park | As Long As You Need
01:15:10||Season 5My guest today J.S. (Joon) Park is a hospital chaplain. Some of the other descriptions he uses for himself include: former atheist/agnostic, sixth degree black belt, suicide survivor, Korean-American, and follower of Christ. He is the author of a profoundly insightful, and at times poetic new book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve. It’s part hospital chaplain experience and part memoir.In this episode, Joon shares a bit about his personal journey from growing up in a home with violence and a martial arts dojo to becoming a hospital chaplain, highlighting the similarities between the two roles in terms of being present and encouraging others to find their voice. We also discussed the importance of allowing individuals to talk about their hopes and dreams, even in the face of loss or adversity. Joon shared how he creates safe space where people can share their desires without feeling shame or judgment. One of the important themes Joon brings to light is the grief we often feel over future losses and the significance of giving oneself permission to grieve them.The conversation also touches on the idea relocating hope, of staying close to one's dreams and finding new ways to honor them, even if the original path is no longer possible. We also explored the importance of self-care and pacing oneself in the work of caregiving, recognizing the need for rest and support. One of the many important reminders I learned from both his book and our conversation is recognizing loss of autonomy and the value of finding the smallest choices and moments. Joon’s vulnerability, wisdom, and heart shine through both in his book and in our conversation.About the Guest & Resources J.S. Park is a hospital chaplain, published author, and online educator. For eight years he has been an interfaith chaplain at a 1000+ bed hospital that is designated a Level 1 Trauma Center. His role includes grief counseling, attending every death, every trauma and Code Blue, staff care, and supporting end-of-life care. J.S. also served for three years as a chaplain at one of the largest nonprofit charities for the homeless on the east coast. J.S. has a MDiv completed in 2010 and a BA in Psychology. He also has a sixth-degree black belt. He is the author of As Long as You Need: Permission to Grieve. J.S. currently lives in Tampa, Florida with his wife, a nurse practitioner, and his daughter, newborn son, and adopted dog. Host Lisa Keefauver’s forthcoming book Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org. Drop her a DM on Instagram @lisakeefauvermsw to let her know you did and she’ll send you a party invite to her Book Launch Celebration Visit www.lisakeefauver.com to learn more about Lisa, sign up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter, register for an upcoming online grief workshop, find out if she is coming to a city near you for her book tour, or watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less. You can also WATCH this episode now on YouTube @lisakeefauvermsw Recorded April 24, 2024.Julie McFadden | Nothing to Fear
01:13:52||Season 5Known as Hospice Nurse Julie on TikTok and Instagram, today’s guest, Julie McFadden, with 16 years of experience as an ICU and Hospice/Palliative nurse, is passionate about normalizing discussions around death through education. She has garnered a significant TikTok following, covering end-of-life topics that have earned her recognition in Newsweek, USA Today, The Atlantic, and several other global articles. Julie actively engages with her audience across various social platforms, including TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube, fostering a more open conversation about death. Just like her videos, and in her forthcoming book, Nothing to Fear, in our conversation today she is kind and direct, helping to make clear what’s fact and what’s myth when it comes to hospice care. About the Guest & ResourcesYou can learn more about Julie McFadden, her forthcoming book, Nothing to Fear: Demystifying Death to Live More Fully, and more by visiting hospicenursejulie.com or following her @hospicenursejulie on TikTok or Instagram. Over the past five seasons of this podcast, I’ve invited various guests on to talk about the role of both palliative care and hospice care with you. From Palliative Drs. BJ Miller and Sunita Puri, to Palliative Social Workers Rachel Rusch and Rachel Carnahan-Metzger and others, this topic is profoundly important. Why? Well because so many of us will find ourselves in a position where someone we love will likely qualify for hospice someday. Perhaps we will too.About the HostHost Lisa Keefauver’s forthcoming book Grief is a Sneaky Bitch: An Uncensored Guide to Navigating Loss IS NOW AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER on Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble or Bookshop.org. Drop her a DM on Instagram @lisakeefauvermsw to let her know you did and she’ll send you a party invite to her Book Launch Celebration. You can also meet her in person at one of the stops on her book tour which begins June 4th and includes cities like L.A., San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Baltimore, Boston, New York City, and more.Visit www.lisakeefauver.com and sign up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter, to learn about her book tour, individual grief support openings, upcoming online and in-person grief workshops or to watch her TEDx talk, Why Knowing More About Grief Can Make it Suck Less. Oh, and this season, if you want to WATCH the show, you can now watch it on YouTube @lisakeefauvermsw Recorded April 5, 2024.