Grief is a Sneaky Bitch

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Mary-Frances O'Connor | This is Your Brain on Grief

Season 4
Mary-Frances O’Connor is my special guest in this episode.

I devoured her book, The Grieving Brain: The Surprising Science of How We Learn from Love and Loss last year and knew I needed to have a conversation with the author on this show. I’m grateful to share that late last year, I had the honor of sitting down with Mary-Frances to explore the fascinating work she has been doing studying the Grieving Brain. I’m 100% confident you will learn so much and appreciate the warmth and wisdom she brings to this conversation.

 

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Mary-Frances O’Connor is an associate professor of psychology at the University of Arizona, where she directs the Grief, Loss and Social Stress (GLASS) Lab, which investigates the effects of grief on the brain and the body. O’Connor earned a doctorate from the University of Arizona in 2004 and completed a fellowship at UCLA. Her work has been published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, Biological Psychiatry, and Psychological Science, and featured in Newsweek, the New York Times, and The Washington Post.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND buying her book, The Grieving Brain here at Amazon or any major booksellers. You can also learn more about her and her work by visiting her website: www.maryfrancesoconnor.org


JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:

(13:46) – Explains shift from understanding grief effect on physiology to effect on the brain


(21:-00) – Mary-Frances explains our need for attachment and security and what happens when we lose that relationship.


(36:45) – Explains how understanding how the brain maps our relationships and why each grief journey is unique 


(43:00) - Explains while it’s common for us to think about the shoulda, coulda, wouldas in loss, rumination is actually a form of avoidance. She offers some alternative ways to consider the loss.


NEW MERCH ALERT

You asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop

 

3 WAYS TO STAY CONNECTED

 

  1. SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.
  2. INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.
  3. IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too. @lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver

More Episodes

Tuesday, May 9, 2023

Colin Campbell | Finding the Words

Season 4
My guest, Colin Campbell is a writer and director for theater and film. He’s also written a truly powerful and personal exploration of grief, in his book, Finding The Words. In our conversation today, Colin shares his experience of losing both his children, Ruby and Hart when a drunk driver hit their car and changed a pleasant family outing into the worst day imaginable. He addresses the fear, pain, denial, guilt, rage, despair, and isolation that accompanies grief. You will also hear us explore the profound power of rituals and the impact of our words as we move forward with grief.I absolutely devoured his book and delighted in our conversation. He offers so much wisdom about how we keep living when the worst happens to us. I truly can't wait for you to meet him.EPISODE RESOURCES:Pick up a copy of Finding the Words  at your favorite local bookstore or online hereAt the time of our conversation, he was speaking to me from New York as he was wrapping up performances of his creative response to loss called Grief: A One-Man Shitshow JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(20:00) Colin explains that even though he considers himself an Atheist, he’s found so much help and healing in rituals. He has leaned on Jewish traditions, but her reminds us all that rituals don’t have to be related to organized religion to be beneficial in our grieving. (43:00) Colin explains how and why he found the word Solace versus Healing, resonates more deeply for him as he moves forward with his grief. Like me, he focuses on the impact of our word choices and explains why healing doesn’t fit the mark for his experience of grief, nor his goals for his future. NEW MERCH ALERTYou asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop STAY CONNECTED 1)     SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review. 2)    INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter. 3)    IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver
Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Rabbi Steve Leder | For You When I'm Gone

Season 4
I’m thrilled to bring you my conversation with Rabbi Steve Leder. Steve is the senior rabbi of Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles. He is the author of five books and in our conversation today, we explore his latest: For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story. We explored so much from the wisdom we gain in the wake of loss, to the most important gifts we can give others – both in our lives and in our deaths. Spoiler alert, it’s not our money, our record collections, or anything tangible – it’s our stories. He’s learned so much from his personal losses and from the decades he’s spent in his role as a Rabbi about what it is our loved ones will want from us when we’re gone. It’s such a generative and thought-provoking conversation, I can’t wait for you to listen! EPISODE RESOURCES:Pick up a copy of For You When I’m Gone at your favorite local bookstore or online here JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(24;24) Rabbi Steve Leder explains why our current system of the last words we leave our loved ones are the legal verbiage of a will is so profoundly problematic. That’s why he suggests creating an ethical will instead.(46:00) Rabbi Steve Leder shares a beautiful phrase from the Talmud that is a reminder that we need one another. We can’t endure pain without community, without the caring support of others. Loss reminds us that we don’t need to navigate grief alone. STAY CONNECTED 1)     SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review. 2)    INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter. 3)    IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver
Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Michelle Hord | The Other Side of Yet

Season 4
Media Executive Michelle Hord, was no stranger to trauma. Having started her professional career as an award-winning producer on America’s Most Wanted, she expertly guided families through every facet of unthinkable crisis. Later, she covered heartbreaking stories while working at The Oprah Winfrey Show and Good Morning America. She sat with survivors of the unimaginable. When the unimaginable struck at home, when her daughter was murdered, her world changed forever.In our conversation, just like in her beautiful book, The Other Side of Yet, Michelle has culled lessons learned from mental health experts, therapists, spiritual leaders, and survivors. Michelle offers a beautiful and emotional story about how to keep moving with bravery and defiant faith through life’s most challenging moments. Her hope and defiant faith are infectious. I can’t wait for you to meet her.A note for listeners, while Michelle doesn’t go into detail, she does recount the day her child was murdered. EPISODE RESOURCES:Pick up a copy of her beautiful book, The Other Side of Yet, at your favorite local bookstore or online here JUMP STRAIGHT INTO:(29:51) Michelle shares acts of meaningful grief support she experienced, including by others impacted by this same traumatic event.(36:50) Michelle reflects on the importance of distinguishing what we do and don’t have control over in the wake of loss. She explores the importance of agency and choice in grieving as critical to healing.(52:30) Michelle explains how she has grown to appreciate the importance of hope and defiant faith. NEW MERCH ALERTYou asked, I answered. I finally created some GSB Podcast merch from tees to hoodies to coffee mugs, journals and stickers. Head over to the Grief Happens Shop at www.lisakeefauver.com/griefhappensshop STAY CONNECTED SUBSCRIBE TO THE PODCAST on your favorite platform so you don’t miss an episode. If you love the show, I’d love to invite you to leave a rating and write a review.INVITE ME TO YOUR INBOX to get behind-the-scenes on the podcast and all the grief support offered by our host, Lisa Keefauver, by signing up for her Not-So-Regular Newsletter at lisakeefauver.com/newsletter.IF YOU’RE FEELING SOCIAL, you can find her on all your favorite social channels too.@lisakeefauvermsw on Instagram, LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube and TikTok. Check out her tweets @lisakeefauver