Gospel Centered Marriage
Creating a Gospel-Centered Marriage: Decision Making - Part 4
For some consensus is the epitome of all things good… “if only everyone could get along and agree on the kind of world that was best.” For others it is the encapsulation of all that is wrong with the world… “trying to get everyone to agree results in bland, sterile uniformity with no conviction or passion.”
When you consider anything significant out of context you will eventually reach those kinds of polarized positions. That is why we are considering consensus decision making in the context of individual and headship-submission decisions making.
Consensus is neither the Savior nor the villain of a marriage. It is that important middle ground between exclusive individualism (living as independent decision makers – “just roommates”) and corporatism (allowing all decisions to be decided on the basis of authority – “controlling”).
Most of the really enjoyable parts of marriage will be experienced through consensus. If we didn’t believe this we would be content to remain single (individualism) or would gladly give away our freedoms and voice in decision making. But you didn’t. You chose to get married because you thought “doing life with” your spouse was superior.
The goal of this chapter is to teach, or at least reinforce, the skills of consensus decision making so that this approach can comprise a larger and larger percentage of your marital decisions. The maturity of wise personal decision making (chapter three) is assumed and the necessity of headship-submission decision making (chapter five) is anticipated. But as often as possible, you should desire to decide together.
We’ll address this subject in three questions:
- What do consensus and friendship have in common?
- What decisions fit in the “consensus” category?
- What is the process for consensus decision making?