Free Sex

What’s stopping us from flirting?My guest in this episode is Alice McKee, a playwright and documentary maker. Alice thinks we can build a world where people can have the sex they want if only we were all better at flirting. Are we too full of nerves and anxieties that we can’t even make a goofy joke?In our conversation Alice drew on her work as the writer of a play called Perverts. It’s set in a queer sex club and has played at three theatres over the past few years. The main character is down to f*ck, but less available for more emotionally vulnerable activities like flirting and love. So we had a fascinating chat about all this — including how it works specifically for lesbians, how writing exposes our vulnerabilities, and what Alice is working on next...A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

Can men use AI to learn how to seduce women?My guest in this episode is Georgi Dimitrov, founder of an AI platform that helps men to generate a fake woman, and then chat to her. Georgi knows that a lot of straight men struggle with texting, chatting, dating, and sex, and building relationships...But having spoken to Georgi I’m not sure he’s got the right answer. As you’ll hear in the interview, Georgi says Fantasy.ai can be a place where men can practice seduction, without stakes, fear or shame. But it sounded to me like the platform’s business model and AI model don’t challenge the sense of entitlement to women that many men have, don’t help men to listen to women, and don’t create realistic women. His all-male team also could undermine the labour of women in the adult industry. I’m sharing the episode with you because Georgi says he has an answer for how to build a world where people can have the sex they want. I don’t think it’s a good answer, but what do you think?Related episode: 025 - Sex robots - Heather ParryA transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

To mark the milestone of hitting 50 episodes of Free Sex, I want to add my own idea for how we can build a world where people are free to have the sex they want.My proposal is delightfully simple and appropriately bonkers: let’s put a sex space on every high street in Britain. Yes, I’m serious. No, your granny probably won’t approve. Your neighbour will ask you to sign the petition against it. The prime minister will laugh you out of town. But I am really serious about this idea. Join me while I build the case...A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

How can we educate people so they can enjoy their shameful desires?My guest in this episode is Dug Gaines, who is a living legend. For 50 years Dug has been running the Foot Fraternity, a network for people who love feet. More specifically, Dug himself is into asthenolagnia, which is arousal from perceived weakness, vulnerability, and humiliation — often wrapped up in shame.Having spent half a century helping others to explore their fetishes that are rooted in asthenolagnia, Dug has plenty to share. We talked about how society has opened up sexually since his adolescence in the 1960s, and yet how we still need to do more to help people who want to play sexually with humiliation and shame. It was an honour to interview Dug, and he’s such an entertaining speaker!A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

What if we all quit watching influencers and met to discuss sex instead?My guest in this episode is Ruby Rare, who has a bone to pick with the internet. She’s built a huge online audience for her work as a sex educator, author, broadcaster, and public speaker. Ruby’s voice on sex and relationships is essential for our times, and it’s great that people can hear and see her ideas about sex online. But recently she’s been wondering: what if we turned away from our phones?Ruby and I had a meandering but fun conversation about the way the form of social media can pervert good messages about polyamory. Her answer for how to build a world of free sex is to put down our phones, get out of the house, and meet in town for a chat instead. I think you’ll really enjoy listening to Ruby make her case!Ruby’s book The Non-Monogamy Playbook is out now, and it’s fab.A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

Is group sex the way to a better world?My guest in this episode is Leanne Yau, who runs the @polyphiliablog viral accounts across social media. Leanne is a polyamory educator who, among many other things, wants people to know more about group sex. Leanne told me how group sex and polyamory are different; and then we went on to discuss the social politics of it all. From the question of whether more people are getting into group sex to the need to de-stigmatise polyamory, Leanne has a lot to say! She also wants you to know that if group sex is something you fancy, you should try it — and Leanne can help you do it well. It’s a great conversation and Leanne is great fun as a guest!A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

Are sex events and fetish gear too expensive?My guest in this episode is Matt Skully, who’s a performer, curator, events producer and occasional sex worker. His heart is as big as his desires as dark—and he’s got a long list of ideas that could make sex more financially accessible to people. Fetish gear costs money, event tickets aren’t getting cheaper, and sometimes you have to travel big, expensive distances to get to the place where you can enjoy the sex you want.  We don’t talk enough about how wealth inequality holds us back from sex (although check out episode 040 with Eva Oh!), so I was thrilled that Matt wanted to talk about this. I really enjoyed hearing about his experiences working the door in fetish clubs, and talking through his ideas for how we can build a world of free sex. A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

Can we find a way to take sex seriously?My guest in this episode is Anastasiia Fedorova, a latex lover and author of a book called Second Skin: Inside the Worlds of Fetish, Kink and Deviant Desire. Anastasiia takes her subject so seriously that she’s built it into her life—and written a whole book about it. I was fascinated to hear more about the research she’s done for the book, from fetishes for cars, monsters and medical gloves, as well as the classics such as feet, latex and leather. As a queer kinky person from Russia, Anastasiia also makes a good case for why it’s important to know the history and politics of sex topics.You can pre-order the book now, including from Bookshop.org.A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production

What if sexuality wasn’t a spectrum?My guest in this episode is Sari Van Anders, who is a very multi-faceted scientist and thinker. Drawing on her experience in behavioural science and neuroscience, plus gender and queer thinking, Sari and her team have built an incredibly refreshing concept for how we can think of ourselves as sexual beings.We tend to think of our gender and sex as one thing, and that we are attracted to others based on their gender and sex (eg, I’m a man who fancies men so I’m gay). But it’s much more complicated than that! Which is why I just say I’m ‘queer’! Sexual Configurations Theory (SCT), which is Sari’s idea, includes other factors like how many partners you fancy, how body parts are distinct from gender identities, and the relative strength of different kinks in making up our desire. I’d love to know what you think of SCT — listen to Sari and let me know ;) A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production