For the Rest of Us

Episode Summary: As promised in the previous episode, Tolu is here with the tales from Japan! In this chatty episode, she spills all the details from her recent 15-day trip to Japan. She covered everything from the intense jet lag to the surprising food finds.She also dives into a listener's dilemma about turning 30 and feeling "behind" in life. Tolu shares her perspective on letting go of societal timelines and finding grace for your unique journey. Plus, get practical travel tips for Japan, including navigating the trains, what to pack, and why you definitely need a coin purse.To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link. Timestamps00:00 – Intro & Welcome Back: Catching up, sipping coffee, and setting the vibe.04:15 – The Dilemma: Turning 30 and feeling behind in career, relationships, and life milestones.05:30 – Advice: Why you need to give yourself grace, acknowledging the impact of the pandemic on our timelines, and avoiding the comparison trap.10:45 – Japan Trip Breakdown:Itinerary: 15 days across Kyoto (3 nights), Osaka (4 nights), and Tokyo (7-8 nights).Travel Logistics: The flight, dealing with jet lag, and arriving in Narita.17:15 – Surprises in Japan:Cleanliness: How spotless the streets are.Fashion: The incredible street style of locals.Convenience Stores: Why 7-Eleven, FamilyMart, and Lawson are life-savers (and delicious).The Vending Machines: Hot coffee in a can? Yes, please.21:50 – The Toilets: Tolu’s love affair with Japanese heated bidets (and why she misses them).24:30 – Safety: Feeling incredibly safe walking alone at night as a solo traveler.26:15 – Culture Notes: The politeness, bowing, and quiet trains.28:40 – Travel Tips:Money: Bring cash (yen) and a coin purse!Transportation: Using the Suica card (on Apple Pay) and navigating the trains with Google Maps. Connectivity: Getting an eSIM (Maya or halo) for data.Walking: Prepare to walk a lot (bring comfortable shoes!).35:00 – Highlights:Kyoto: Ring making class, night tour, and temples.Osaka: Shopping in Dotonbori and the Aquarium.Tokyo: Mario Kart (Shibuya Sky), teamLab Planets, and the Tsukiji Fish Market.42:10 – Food: Trying matcha, Monjayaki (the pancake dish), and fresh sushi.45:30 – Final Thoughts: Would she go back? (Yes!) And advice for solo female travelers.Resources & MentionsTransport: Suica Card (add via Apple Wallet), Japan Rail Pass (optional, depending on itinerary).Connectivity: Ubigi or Maya Mobile (eSIM apps).Apps: Google Maps (essential for trains), Google Translate.Activities: Ring making class (Glänta), TeamLab Planets.

Episode SummaryAfter an unexpected and longer-than-anticipated break, Tolu is back to kick off 2026! In this chaotic but honest life update, she dives into the main theme for the year: why mental health cannot be an afterthought in your 2026 goals. She shares how stress physically manifests in the body, her new weekly routine for regulation, and practical prompts to help you build a sustainable foundation for the year ahead.To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link.Timestamps00:00 – Intro: Welcome to 2026 and addressing the unplanned hiatus.01:00 – Life Update: The Japan Trip Saga. Picking up Accutane, getting into a car accident en route to the airport, and the shock of the aftermath.05:40 – The "Lost Episode": Why there was no content from Japan (technical difficulties and needing to unplug).09:45 – The Dilemma: "I feel like every guy I talk to ghosts me." Dealing with dating fatigue, discouragement, and the internal belief that "something is wrong with me."12:20 – Advice: Acknowledging that the dating scene is tough right now ("it's the ghetto"), zooming out to see the bigger picture, and why taking a break is valid self-care.14:10 – Main Topic: Prioritizing Mental Health in 2026. Why it needs to be the foundation for your career, relationships, and physical health.16:30 – Somatic Awareness: How stress and burnout manifest physically (insomnia, body tension, holding your breath).17:50 – Resilience over Perfection: Why "falling off the wagon" is part of the process, and how to get back on the horse without guilt.20:00 – Practical Tips: Tolu’s 2026 Routine structure:Sundays: The Reset Day (Journaling, slow planning, no work).Fridays: Community and Connection days.22:50 – Reflection Prompts: Three questions to ask yourself to prevent burnout this year.Visit ashay therapy to book a therapy session.

Episode Summary Surprise! Due to a scheduling math error, Tolu is back with a bonus episode to close out the month. In this life-update-heavy episode, she reflects on a major career milestone: providing mental health support for the Canadian Race Relations Foundation event in Calgary on November 27. Tolu then tackles a relatable dilemma about outgrowing friendships in your late 20s and 30s, normalizing the grief that comes with drifting apart. Finally, she guides listeners on how to embrace "Winter Tolu"—a version of yourself that prioritizes hibernation, mulled wine, and rest over the hustle. She also shared four powerful journaling prompts to help you reflect before 2026.To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link.Timestamps00:00 – Intro: The "Math Error," recording schedules, and how December is flying by.03:45 – Life Update: Speaking at the Canadian Race Relations Foundation event, imposter syndrome, and finding common ground on difficult topics (AI, hate crime, immigration).11:15 – The Dilemma: "I feel like I’m outgrowing my friends." Navigating the grief of shifting dynamics and the "7-year friendship cycle."16:30 – Main Topic: Embracing "Winter Tolu." Why winter requires a different version of you than summer does (and why that is okay).21:00 – Self-Compassion in Practice: Viewing rest as an act of resistance against grind culture and honoring your humanity over productivity.24:45 – Practical Soft Life Tips:Tolu’s Mulled Wine RecipeUsing coloring and music to regulate the nervous system.Setting boundaries on social obligations during the holidays.28:10 – Reflection Prompts: Four questions to ask yourself to close out the year with intention.

In this cozy episode, Tolu welcomes listeners to the "wind-down season" as the year 2025 comes to a close and the first snow falls in Calgary. She shares exciting life updates, including a creative sprint that led to the rebranding of her group therapy practice, Ashay Therapy.The episode tackles a listener's dilemma regarding a supportive but emotionally unavailable partner, offering advice on identifying needs and assessing long-term compatibility. The core of the episode delves into Self-Compassion, specifically tailored for eldest daughters, high achievers, and those battling the "inner critic." Tolu debunks the myths that rest equals laziness and shares practical tools to help reset your nervous system without guilt.To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link.Timestamps00:00 – Welcome, weather updates, and embracing the "wind-down" season of 2025.02:35 – Life Update: The "Creative Sprint," working with a brand designer, and the launch of the new Ashay Therapy website.10:09 – The Dilemma: Advice for a listener whose partner is supportive but emotionally unavailable.13:06 – Main Topic: The journey to self-compassion, "Eldest Daughter Syndrome," and overcoming grad school burnout.14:27: Tolu spoke about how she learnt Self-Compassion in the hard and how her therapist helped her.17:00 – Busting Popular Myths about Self-Compassion:Myth 1: It means you are lazy (Refutation: It is a nervous system reset).Myth 2: It lowers your standards (Refutation: Rest improves consistency).Myth 3: High achievers don't need it (Refutation: They need it the most).24:57: Self-Compassion as an act of resistance. Humanity matters than your productivity26:30 – Tolu highlighted some key points in Bronnie Ware’s The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.27:20 – Practical Exercises: 5 ways to practice self-compassion, including noticing the inner critic and taking "small pauses" without guilt.29:50 - Closing Reflection: Give yourself permission to have ease.

In this episode, Tolu speaks about the burden of being the "responsible one," often known as "Eldest Daughter Syndrome." As someone with the same experience, she explores why eldest daughters feel "parentified" and breaks down the psychology, cultural layers, and trauma responses behind this dynamic. She also provides practical, actionable tools to help you find support, and help yourself.To submit your anonymous questions, please click this link.Show Notes & Timestamps[00:00] Intro & Welcome Back[00:58] Today's Topic Introduction: Tolu introduces the theme of being the "eldest daughter," who is always there for others but rarely gets support in return.[01:54] Segment: Listener DilemmasTolu reminds listeners of the anonymous form in the show notes for submitting questions.[02:27] Dilemma #1: Seasonal BurnoutA listener shares they're feeling low, and unmotivated, wondering if it's seasonal burnout or something deeper.Tolu's Advice: She discusses the pressure to "finish the year strong" and validates that our bodies are meant to "cocoon" in the winter. She also encourages self-compassion.[05:28] Dilemma #2: The Exhausted Eldest DaughterA listener from an African household shares her exhaustion from being the "strong one" for family and friends. She asks how to set boundaries without feeling guilty.[06:21] Main Topic: Unpacking Eldest Daughter SyndromeTolu shares her personal experience as an eldest daughter with two younger brothers and how she was conditioned to be a "second mom."[07:46] Key Insight: You begin to "internalize responsibility as your identity."[08:42] The Psychology: Tolu introduces Adlerian Theory (Birth Order Psychology) and how it suggests the oldest child is often more responsible and ambitious.[13:00] It's a Pattern, Not a Personality FlawTolu reframes over-functioning as a trauma response and a sign that your nervous system has never felt safe to just "be."[13:50] She introduces the concept of Internal Family Systems (IFS), explaining that we have a "manager part" that tries to keep us safe by getting things done.[15:55] Tip 1: Pause Before You Say Yes. You don't have to give an immediate answer. Use phrases like, "Let me get back to you."[23:40] Tip 2: Shift from "Rescuer" to "Coach." Tolu explains the "Drama Triangle" (Rescuer, Persecutor, Victim). Instead of jumping in to fix the problem, ask coaching questions like, "What might be helpful for you?" or "How can we do this together?"[30:00] Tip 3: Build a Support Circle. Receive the consideration you're always giving.[31:35] Tip 4: Give Yourself Permission to Rest. Tolu lists the different types of rest: physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, creative, and sensory.[33:30] Reflection Questions[34:40] Outro & Call to ActionTolu asks listeners to follow, subscribe, and share this episode with another "eldest daughter" who might need to feel seen.Click here to watch the video of the Drama Triangle

Episode 1: Why I Started For the Rest of Us and What It’s Really AboutIn the very first episode, Tolu introduces her new show, "For the Rest of Us," a podcast for everyday people trying to figure life out. Tolu shares the personal and professional journey that led her back to podcasting, what you can expect from the show, and the meaning behind its name.This episode is about new beginnings, finding community, and creating a space to talk about all areas of life that often go unsaid. For questions and opinion (anonymous), click hereShow Notes & Timestamps[00:10] Welcome to the First EpisodeIntroducing the "For the Rest of Us" podcast, a space for "everyday people trying to figure it out."[00:44] Meet Your Host, ToluTolu shares her background: She is a Nigerian (born in Ibadan) who grew up in Canada.She is a content creator, a therapist, and runs her own group practice.[02:00] How This Podcast Will Work (And a Disclaimer!)Tolu introduces a form (in the show notes) for listeners to anonymously submit questions about life, lifestyle, and mental health.[02:30] Disclaimer: Tolu clarifies that the podcast is not medical advice, and listeners should do their own research.[03:36] The Origin Story: This Isn't Her First PodcastTolu shares the story of her first podcast, "The Connected Coffee Chats Podcast," which she started in 2019 after being laid off at her former workplace.[04:50] Why the first podcast ended: Life happened. Tolu went to grad school, got her Master's in Counseling Psychology, became a therapist, and started her business.[05:20] The "Nudge" to Return: She explains the persistent urge she felt to bring the podcast back and how she did it.[08:48] Tolu's Work as a TherapistShe specializes in working with high-functioning BIPOC women and discusses the unique challenges they face.[09:50] Personal growth: How turning 30 has made her more confident and clear on what she wants.[10:14] Why Relaunch in a "Short Attention Span" World?The desire to create long-form content for more intimate, "chit-chat" conversations.[11:36] A Space for Nuance: The podcast is a space to break traditional therapist boundaries and explore the "grey, messy" parts of life that short-form content can't capture.[12:51] The Meaning Behind the Name: "For the Rest of Us"Tolu explains the name is for "third culture kids" and anyone who has ever felt isolated.It's a reminder: "You are not alone."[14:40] What to Expect from This PodcastFrequency: Bi-weekly episodes, dropping on Tuesdays.Format: Solo episodes to start.[15:15] Upcoming Topics: Burnout, sisterhood, friendship, self-compassion, real self-care (not just bubble baths), relationships, work, etc.[16:20] How to Join the CommunityCall to Action: Subscribe on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, leave a rating, and share with a friend.Follow the podcast on Instagram and submit your anonymous questions via the form.[17:35] Closing Thoughts & CelebrationTolu encourages listeners to celebrate their own new beginnings and "wins."[18:49] Formal Outro & DisclaimerThe podcast is for educational and informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice.