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Football Ramble

The Football Ramble’s Guide To… The Original Rules of Football

In December 1863, a bunch of the most Victorian-sounding men imaginable gathered together to hammer out what would become the foundation of the beautiful game: the English Football Association’s rules for football.


But – by jove! – not much of what they agreed makes sense today. Marcus, Jim and Pete take you through it on today’s Guide!


What would you like us to cover on the Guides in 2023? Let us know @FootballRamble on Twitter or email us show@footballramble.com!


Sign up for our Patreon for exclusive live events, ad-free Rambles, full video episodes and loads more: patreon.com/footballramble.


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  • Georgia do the Portuguese!

    41:55
    Goodbye to the group stages! And it finished with a magnificent day for Georgia, a terrible day for António Silva, and a reminder for Pete Donaldson that Cenk Tosun exists.Pete, Jim and Vish discuss the final round of group stage sparring before the knockouts, with a sensational display from Georgia who are rapidly becoming our favourite team. Plus, Czech Republic and Turkey ruin everyone’s Ramble predictions for number of cards at the tournament in one fell swoop and there’s quite literally an electric atmosphere in the Romania vs Slovakia game. Kevin De Bruyne and co could have done with a bit of that, too…We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • Top of the group, bottom of the barrel

    53:26
    Somehow, England have finished top of their group. And somehow, they’re in the best side of the draw. The plan worked!Marcus, Luke, Vish and Pete react to a drab 0-0 that saw no big changes from the previous game and leaves them thinking there are bigger problems with England’s front line. At least we can cling to Anthony Gordon and Cole Palmer. Oh, and we can still enjoy a nice glass of Budweiser with Geoff Hurst, of course.Plus, a former Romanian international has a conspiracy theory and the departing Scotland team get an unwelcome Bavarian surprise.Thank you to everyone who came down to last night's England Watchalong! If you want more live action, remember we're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • Sit down, drink venom and relax

    48:19
    Italy left it very late to secure 2nd place in their group against Croatia last night. Today, Marcus, Jim, Pete and Vish are here to dissect the key talking point from the game: Was Luciano Spalletti wearing a jacket or a cardigan?Elsewhere, Pete upsets the Italians further by calling pizza cheese on toast. Plus, the Ramblers pay tribute to the amazing Luka Modrić and share their thoughts on what they want to see from England tonight.We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • Scotland are out!

    54:28
    Jeezy peeps, man. Marcus, Vish and Luke are here to perform the Scottish post-mortem after they were knocked out in the same underwhelming fashion that reflected their whole tournament. At least they’ve still got the Nations League!Elsewhere, the Germans survive an almighty scare while Harry Kane and Mark Lawrenson battle the mainstream media - to vastly differing outcomes, we *must* stress.Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • Portuguese Grant Holt

    46:24
    England fans are being told that the players are struggling physically so they can’t play at the desired intensity. Did they watch 41-year-old Pepe play last night?Today, Marcus, Jim and Vish are here to wave a sad goodbye to 2pm kick-offs, they served us well! They also show concern that Belgium seem to have hit their straps. Plus, the lads are joined by Andy to question him on whether he ran on the pitch during Turkey vs Portugal.We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • Mr Rat

    49:27
    What happens when you put two English referees on one of the most exciting clashes of the group stages? A 0-0 draw. That’s what PGMOL do to ya.Marcus, Luke and Vish react to France drawing a blank against the Dutch, while Andy shares his experience of the atmosphere in the stadium but fails to pronounce buffet correctly. Plus, they discuss Austria’s slick team performance against Poland thanks to the great Specs himself, which has left the lads worried that Austria could literally press England into their own net. But – fear not – a Serbian psychic has predicted everything will be okay...Elsewhere, there are fresh revelations about our new favourite footballer Serjio Robert Livingstone Pohlhammer and Pete gets a new nickname.We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • It might not be fine

    56:14
    Need a comforting embrace from Marcus, Luke and Vish? Bring it in. Ignore all the nervous sweat.The lads discuss England’s messy draw with Denmark and figure out what needs to happen next as Trent Alexander-Arnold (probably) exits the midfield, Jude Bellingham goes full Alan Pardew, and the left wing remains completely empty. Plus, we discuss our respective icks after Italy’s most handsome man scores an own goal and Marcus discovers the best ever name in football. Plus, we relive a terrible few minutes for Chris Sutton in 1998. You’ve got to cheer yourself up somehow, right?We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • A uranium rod up the arse

    47:43
    Scotland are still in it! Despite the Power Cube scoring AGAIN in a major tournament, the Scots rallied and the Ramblers still believe they can do it. But not on two points, Jim. Stop that.Marcus, Jim and Pete react to another afternoon barn burner, agree that England are definitely certainly absolutely better without Jamal Musiala, and figure out how to get rid of a bee hive from a stadium. Plus, who would Jim rather fight: Niclas Füllkrug or Martin Adam? And the lads reveal how their nerves are before England’s clash with Denmark, where Marcus still has some lingering concerns…We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***
  • The perfect game of football

    54:45
    Turkey 3-1 Georgia. Otherwise known as: the perfect game of football. Today, Marcus, Luke and Vish are here to once again explain why you simply must watch every game at the Euros. Imagine missing that barn burner, eh?Elsewhere, Luke enjoys Cristiano Ronaldo’s transformation into an unfashionable No.9, which brings us back to the age-old question: is Ronaldo better than Niall Quinn? Plus, the Ramblers back Scotland to be much improved in their do or die match against Switzerland.We're back on stage and tickets are out NOW! Join us at London Palladium on Friday September 20th 2024 for 'Football Ramble: Time Tunnel', a journey through football history like no other. Expect loads of laughs, all your Ramble favourites, and absolutely everything on Pete's USB stick. Get your tickets at footballramblelive.com!Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and email us here: show@footballramble.com.Sign up to the Football Ramble Patreon for ad-free shows for just $5 per month: patreon.com/footballramble.***Please take the time to rate us on Spotify. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***