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Footballland
S02 E14 | Elf-Inge The City, A Football VR Simulator & Get Your Kit On
Season 2, Ep. 14
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Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballland
Sign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballland
Merry Christmas!
While you've been working hard, a glass of merlot in one hand, a block of brie in the other, we at Footballland have been preparing for the opening of Footballland in just 336 days time. And we were delighted to have the CEO of Hashtag United Spencer Owen in the Wayne Lineker testicle. Spencer created a football team from scratch so he's no stranger to impossible dreams. And he loves theme parks, apart from that time he won a night in the Alton Towers Chocolate room and they'd run out of chocolate.
So here are the 3 (three) new rides we've designed this week!
Elf-Inge The City
Ryan reads out a lovely Christmas story featuring Roy Keane and a young Norwegian lad who looks a bit like a deflated sex doll. And THAT story forms the basis of Footballland's brand new ice show at the Squeaky Bum Time Arena! Are your seats too far from the pitch? Then simply watch it in miniature on Harry Maguire's forehead!
Get Your Kit On
Mark is so angry with substitutes who aren't ready to come onto the field because they've not put on their shirt, that he's created a new experience in which naked members of the public are placed on a vibrating platform and given one minute to put their clothes on before being beamed live on TV across the world.
Spencer Owen's Futuroscope
NOT to be confused with the theme park in France with the same name, Spencer Owen proposes a VR football simulator where guests run about on a 360 degree treadmill like in Ready Player One. Will we finally get Lionel Messi playing a wet tuesday night in Stoke?
And as ever, send us your ride ideas! We feature all of 'em!
Love you so much,
Anthony, Mark and Ryan
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Footballland Trailer
01:31Come help us build the world's first football theme park, Footballland!Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given 1 Billion US Dollars by the state of Qatar, to build the world's first football theme park in Qatar, to be ready in time for World Cup 2022. Unfortunately, Anthony has never built a theme park before, so he's enlisted the help of his friend and colleague Mark Davison. Unfortunately, Mark Davison has no experience of building theme parks either, but by this point it's too late to give the money back, as they've spent some of it on a new laptop and a really nice pen.Every week Anthony and Mark will plan out their football theme park and take ideas and ride designs from special guests including comedians, footballers, musicans and journalists, none of whom have any experience building theme parks.Come join us at Footballland! "Our Goal Is Your Dreams!" "Where Dreams Are Kicked About!" "Come In And Kick The Magic!" "The Beautiful Game (Park)!" "Come Score Some Pleasure!"
1. S01 E01 | Jimmy Conrad's Conrad3000 | Footballland
31:01Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND EP 1 - Featuring Special Guest Jimmy Conrad! RIDES DESIGNED - The Conrad3000, The Leicester City Fairytale Ride, The Tunnel Of Vagner/Donald Love.After Anthony accidentally receives $1 Billion from Qatar to build the world's first football theme park in time for the World Cup in 2022, he names himself CEO, gives Mark Davison the title Chief Ride Engineer and rents an office somewhere in Winchester. The boys have a very short time window to design this park but thankfully they've enlisted the help of former USA defender Jimmy Conrad, who's from California and therefore has an extensive knowledge of theme park culture. Sadly, the discussion with Jimmy doesn't go to plan.
2. S01 E02 | Marek Larwood's Football Hunger Games | Footballland
31:54Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND EP 2 - Featuring Special Guest Marek Larwood.RIDES DESIGNED - The Football Hunger Games, Steve 'Mechanical' Bull After Anthony accidentally receives $1 Billion from Qatar to build the world's first football theme park in time for the World Cup in 2022, he names himself CEO, gives Mark Davison the title Chief Ride Engineer and rents an office somewhere in Winchester.In today's meeting Mark proposes four separate Footballland theme tunes, Anthony introduces his ride Steve 'Mechanical' Bull and comedian Marek Larwood pitches his exhibit 'The Football Hunger Games', in which a selection of former 'hard-men' footballers fight to the death for the park visitors' amusement.
3. S01 E03 | Giggsy's Garden and Sir Alex Ferguson's Mindgames | Footballland
27:20Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND EP 3 - Featuring Special Guest Nim OdedraRIDES DESIGNED - The 'Betrayal Monorail' with Giggsy's Garden, plus The Sir Alex Ferguson Mindgames ExperienceAfter Anthony accidentally receives $1 Billion from Qatar to build the world's first football theme park in time for the World Cup in 2022, he names himself CEO, gives Mark Davison the title Chief Ride Engineer and rents an office somewhere in Winchester.This week Mark dreams up a giant Sir Alex Ferguson shaped head in which park guests are psychologically tortured, plus special guest Nim Odedra brings us an important piece of infrastructure - the monorail. However, like all rides at Footballland, this has a weird twist.
4. S01 E04 | Asscoffiation Noshball - Footballland's Exciting New Restaurant | Footballland
32:46Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFootballland Episode 4 - Introducing Footballland's premier dining experience: Asscoffiation Noshball! That is a play on words of 'Association Football.' It's nothing to do with 'scoffing ass' or 'noshing off balls.' This restaurant features a multi-course tasting menu which leads football fans on a culinary adventure from the invention of the game in the 19th century to the present day! Eat the foods footballers would have eaten, from full meat roasts in the 1880s, to fish and chips, bitter, then lager, then another lager, then healthy carbohydrates in the 90s all the way to a Skittles Vodka aperitif! Are those rumbling stomachs we can hear?
5. S01 E05 | Eggsy's School Sports Simulator | Footballland
34:37Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandhttps://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND Ep 5 - Feat Eggsy From Goldie Lookin' Chain Eggsy popped into Footballand HQ this week to pitch his Westworld-style ride idea - The School Sports Football Simulator. Relive your schooldays on Footballland's state-of-the-art muddy football pitch, complete with overbearing PE teacher and gigantic 'bigger boys,' all while the weather simulator chucks down sleeting rain and freezes your nuts off. Paying to have a terrible time? It's the British way! Plus Anthony and Mark bring us the Steve Kabba-ret, the Premier League dinner entertainment show! It features the Dele Dancers, Ian Rush's remote controlled moustache, and Bryan Robson's Escape The Drop. Careful he doesn't get his hair in your soup!
6. S01 E06 | Paul Dummett's Meat & Potato Funfair | Footballland
29:22Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandhttps://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandFOOTBALLLAND Ep 6 - Feat Pete Donaldson Roll Up! Roll Up! Come join Pete Donaldson as he pitches a brand new carnival sideshow at Footballland - Paul Dummett's Meat & Potato Funfair! The fair includes Gazza's Hook a Duck, The Drink Driving Dodgems and Steve McClaren whispering accents in your ear from around the world! This week is also our first Public Consultation Special. Due to the terms of our Patreon, we're contractually obliged to discuss ride ideas from our backers, and discuss them we do! Proposals include Cristiano Ronaldo's Hall of Mirrors and Nigel De Jong's Clog Flume. Footballland is really starting to come on as a theme park, and we can't wait for you to get inside it.
7. S01 E07 | Hasta La Vista Cantona! | Footballland
25:32Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandExclusive Car Park Naming Rights https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandIn another successful and productive meeting, we welcome two more rides to the world's first football themed theme park! This week Mark Davison brings us his vision of The Squeaky Bumtime Arena, Footballland's stadium, which is shaped like a bottom. Also we welcome comedians The Delightful Sausage, who bring to the park their Westworld-style experiential ride, Hasta La Vista Cantona. And finally, may we introduce our newest employee at Footballland, Ryan Baxter (intern). Ryan's job is to iron out any logistical problems that might arise with the new development. His first job is to agree a deal with Leicester Cathedral for the bones of King Richard III. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.
8. S01 E08 | Wag's Corner | Footballland
27:46Support our Show! https://supporter.acast.com/footballlandSign up to the Patreon https://www.patreon.com/TheFootballlandWe have another episode of Footballland for you, which features THREE new attractions at Footballland:- Enhancers Sports Bar. This bar is stocked with performance enhancing drugs, enabling guests to relax, socialise and beat their 100 metre sprint time on the purpose built barside running track. - National Anthem Autotune. Footballers rarely sing their national anthems in tune, so Mark has come up with the perfect solution. - Wag's Corner. We invited Joe Comedy Award winner Rosie Holt to pitch her idea, which seems to be a football male brothel. We can't wait to build it. But sad news, as Ryan has spotted a potential problem with Steve 'Mechanical' Bull. And we have more ideas from Patrons and members of the public. Footballland Explained:Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.