Father and Son Days

England are out of the World Cup, David has become Spanish, Conor has mathematically defeated eight colleagues, and a bear is apparently rummaging around the bins. It can only be our long-awaited episode about Neptune.Before reaching the actual planet, David demonstrates his technical skills with his tablet by revealing that every page is a photograph of his laptop screen, the neighbour expands their musical set beyond the Pink Panther theme, and our security cameras transform ordinary British wildlife into skunks, dark raccoons, dogs and dangerous North American bears.We then attempt some science. Neptune may contain diamond rain, winds fast enough to remove your hair, clumpy rings and a moon travelling backwards towards its eventual destruction. We calculate that a Neptune year contains 90,399 Neptune days, plan a pub on Triton called The Nitrogen Geezer and spend an unreasonable amount of time discussing the Roman god of brackish water.David also pleasures our ear holes with Interplanetary Interference before testing Conor on gods responsible for door hinges, manure, cattle worms, beans, bacon and dark passages.NASA would be furious.

David is shirtless, a waste-management lorry has POO on its number plate, the neighbour may have bought a tuba, and a child on Amazon is wearing an enormous fake beard. Somehow, this is the calm part of the episode.We then launch Bread-Eaters, the entirely necessary spin-off to our Predators series, beginning with the mysterious and apparently interdimensional duck. We investigate one-eyed sleeping, four-dimensional colour, metal-detecting bills that are not actually metal detectors, waterproof bottoms, corkscrew equipment and the possibility of drinking salt water through your eyes.There’s also Longboi, a duck built like Peter Crouch, a surprisingly heartfelt song about Conor’s unusual bond with waterfowl, and ten rounds of Duck Duck Goose featuring Arthur Duck, Ryan Gosling, a satsuma and the startling revelation that a pigeon is, in fact, a pigeon. Conor laughs until he feels sick, which is probably the highest possible score a David quiz can achieve.

This week we attempt to talk about comic books and accidentally create the longest episode we have ever recorded, which is either impressive or a cry for help.Before the comics, we cover the World Cup, Father’s Day, David’s birthday, England shirts, waffles, paninis, and the ongoing family sport of guessing what David has put inside toasted bread. Then David performs a comic book song, which is loosely based on the brief in the same way a seagull is loosely based on a helicopter.After that, it’s time for the Father and Son Days comic book club. We review Peppa Pig’s working-from-home office drama, Marvel’s The Union and its deeply British superhero problems, and a 1983 Beano featuring Dennis the Menace, Gnasher in a leather cat suit, traumatised puppies, naked sea lion butlers, suspiciously dangerous walnuts, and at least one strip where absolutely nothing happens.KAPOW!

This week’s Talking Rubbish begins with an introduction that takes several attempts, which is always a promising sign. We then get into the World Cup, family sweepstakes, awkward kick-off times, and David’s discovery that one of his old Turkey quizzes may have accidentally been sent off with official WI accounting documents.Conor checks the podcast demographics and discovers that Father and Son Days might, somehow, be a lads podcast. This naturally leads to the important question of how many rabbits David could take in a fight, whether being naked changes the answer, and what the biggest animal either of us could defeat would be.There’s also a What’s in the CREMBAG? involving an 11-year-old who managed to get himself from Manchester to Rome without any documents, a musical protest about Jarrod Bowen being left out of the England squad, and the next chapter of Dex Blinko, featuring quarantine, sentient hair, awkward nudity and a very soggy cardboard problem.

This week we attempt to talk about cults from the lighter side, which is obviously a perfectly normal and sensible thing to do on a father and son podcast. Before getting anywhere near the actual topic, David updates us on his not-retirement, his new life as a household facilities manager, an alleged x-ray machine/easel, short-armed children, musical days, and a suggested future episode that may need several legal checks before recording.Once we finally reach cults, we look at the possible positives, including community, purpose, strong branding, robes, sandals, new names and the joy of never having to choose an outfit again. There are also some minor downsides, such as spiritual offerings, poor exit policies, apocalypse admin, being renamed Dirtbox and the risk of joining a group where you don’t actually like anyone. Conor also asks whether football clubs, gyms, Disney adults, Apple users and podcast audiences are cult-adjacent, David reveals what would recruit him, sings a cult song, and finishes with a quiz about real and ridiculous cults.

This week’s Talking Rubbish begins with the obvious Episode 180 darts joke, before immediately abandoning darts altogether. David discusses leaving his life as a postman and entering what Conor insists on calling partial retirement, which somehow leads to a live limbo competition on an audio-only podcast. There are also tales from David’s charity challenge in Wales, including technical mountain climbs, the fastest zip wire, suspicious room-sharing etiquette, excessive emergency pants and the very important question of whether you have ever pooed yourself as an adult. Meanwhile, Lucy is preparing Conor for Turkey by apparently replacing his entire wardrobe, What’s in the CREMBAG? brings us a terrifying robot wolf, and Dex Blinko returns with buckets of mum, cardboard spaceships and a heroic new head-creature called Colin.

This week, David is no longer a postman, Conor is officially the family Fantasy Premier League champion, and takes possession of Terry’s Big Spoon. After that, we attempt to discuss conspiracy theories and accidentally uncover bird drones, fake stars, dinosaur spaceships, animatronic ravens, saltwater tampering, suspicious mattress shops, and Mum’s mysterious relationship with the little shed. David also sings about zoo animals being spies, which frankly raises more questions than it answers.

This week’s Talking Rubbish has everything: Southend winning at Wembley, Conor getting an earbud lodged in his ear like a workplace medical emergency, a shirt ruined by Mexican food, someone driving off without their driving examiner, and David discovering that anniversary planning can somehow lead to Pearl Harbor, ragdoll husbands and people marrying Ferris wheels. There’s also a surprisingly touching but deeply silly chat about David and Mary’s first date, a goodbye song for David’s final week as a postman, and another Dex Blinko chapter featuring cardboard spaceships, suspicious smells and the phrase “little todger” being treated with far more seriousness than it deserves.