Complex PTSD Recovery: We Are Traumatized Motherfuckers

So, how’s life been lately? But how has it really been? Having some variety of experiences that goes beyond your normal baseline standard depression, anxiety, self-hatred and disinterest in being alive? If you're new here - needing answers or a lobotomy ASAP - welcome to the club. Together we've had 18 months of trauma-learning through peer-reviewed research, connecting dots from our conversations in the community, and a bit too much personal experience. Apparently this one-human project has been helping folks all over the world, but it's also gotten pretty "trauma-advanced" through all of our conversations together. We've gotten way past the introductory information that plenty of Fuckers still need to make sense of their baffling brains. So let's back up, start this thing again, and discuss a basic biological framework for understanding the 4 billion horsemen of CPTSD in one scowl swoop. Let's get on the same page before starting the next big chapter. This is TMFRs, a trauma support and educational effort with less of a "look on the bright side" perspective, more of a "here's how to handle the science and psychology of mental illness, applied to our real life accounts of dealing with this raging neural dumpster fire" mission. You aren't damaged, doomed, or dead yet. But if you're ready to be done ruminating, nervous system deregulating, isolating, and self-hating - you might be a Motherfucker. Ready to hear the whole story so far? The backlog of 100+ trauma-defining and -refining episodes is available for $5 at Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Jump into the community, the private Discord, or my DMs from there. Send in your story anytime to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com, and let someone know they're not alone. Cheers FuckersJess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

It's not so mysterious, actually.  We’ve really made Trauma into a big word with a lot of negative connotation, qualification, and over-complication. I don’t know a single person who hasn’t shamefully uttered the phrase “But I wonder if that’s really bad enough to count as trauma, when other people have had it worse.” So let’s stop right there and clear up the fact that trauma has nothing to do with being in the top 1% of human tragedy. That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works. What IS Trauma, speaking from a neurological level? How do our memories split, our heads get littered with backed up data, and our bodies join in the dysregulated shitshow? What are flashbacks, triggerings, and intrusive thoughts? Where does rumination fit into the puzzle? What's our "Human" vs "Animal" power struggle got to do with it? And how can we visualize things, neurally, to understand our brain errors? Let's talk about Trauma, in one conceptualization of neuro-, systems, psycho-, and evolutionary biology... Plus, less-sunny snippits of "real life on trauma" experiential recall - because you're not the only one feeling like life's become an endless death march on bloody knees through a hurricane.  You aren't alone. You aren't the only one learning how to handle your T Brain or T Life. And there are a few hundred Fuckers waiting to talk trauma in the TMFR private community, available anytime through Patreon and Discord. If you're ready to hear the whole story, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to get the full backlog of TMFR research and reveal episodes for figh bucks.  If you've got a story to share, record yourself! Use any headset and recording app, and send your Self to traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com to get on the show. Send out a signal; let someone know they're not in this alone.  Cheers Fuckers Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Let's talk about everyone's favorite new buzzdiagnosis - Complex Trauma (CPTSD). What is it? Why is it so difficult to name? And what does it really do to your brain, as far as creating self-destructive neural structures that can undermine your lifetime? Here's a biological / neuropsychological breakdown of life on undiagnosed CPTSD, AKA living with "pervasive relational trauma."  In a nutshell, CPTSD is the same brain mechanism and downstream nightmare we just discussed last time in our PTSD talk... But specifically it’s defined by the early timing, the relational nature, and the persistence of trauma. Let's focus on the ways these early developmental influences tend to impart automatic, lifelong, destructive programming in your brain.  Ready to hear more about Complex Trauma, from an experiential standpoint? Great news, this isn't the first time around the block. There are two much longer, much less brain-directed episodes on defining the experience of CPTSD already streaming at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. And 150+ additional episodes where that came from.  Check out the full backlog of science meets insight meets struggle, and then consider jumping into the TMFRs Private Discord if this method of talking trauma makes sense for your recovery.  Cheers Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Let's take an unexpected step back, and talk more about the EXPERIENCE of living with CPTSD, not just the brain processes that make it reality. With memory, attentional, emotional, and relationship issues at the forefront of the list, not to mention all the stress-based health failures, there's a lot to say about the endless death march of having untreated CPTSD running the show.  The real cumulative CPTSD experience is probably when we take all these tormentors coming from the insides of our own brains and bodies, lay awake all night, every night, and enjoy that endless tour de “all the most humiliating, lonesome, and terrified times in my life.” In my book, there’s nothing worse than the insomnia-shame combo that rips away any lingering sense of control or sanity you may have had. It's helpful to know that all your struggles come from one single mental origin. But more importantly, it's critical to know that you aren't alone and your neurons aren't unfixable.  This may be your life on CPTSD so far, but it doesn't have to be your life forever.  For more information on your stupid fucking brain, hit me up at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com or jump into the community at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers  Cheers y'all Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

I know, therapy probably hasn’t been a walk in the park so far. If you’re here, you’re probably looking for more information, more help, or more reassurance that you’re not the only one looking for a way out. But there's no real substitute to having a professional to keep you grounded, processing the right materials, and creating personalized progress goals in line with your individual struggles. As someone who did NOT want to go to therapy, after two very bad experiences with people who didn’t know what the hell they were doing, I can tell you, my trauma brain completely changed the day I found a qualified trauma therapist. And I want everyone to have that experience.  Today, let's talk about the challenges of finding effective help and the caveats of safely turning to prescription meds. Because trauma requires trauma-trained therapy, and there's a lot to choose from. For more help finding a practitioner who matches your personal preferences, go to https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists.  For help affording therapy, check out https://openpathcollective.org/ Hit up t-mfrs.com to see some gnar-graphics that accompany these chats via the Blog. To talk with other MFs about the challenges and triumphs of this MF life, hit up patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to join the private support community. See you there. Cheers y'all Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Emotional numbing. Over-intellectualizing. Depersonalization. Derealization. Fragmented Personalities. Let's talk about all the ways that our brains try to protect us from stress, overwhelm, and danger. The ways we might see this as "adaptive skill." And the ways we might not even realize dissociation is happening, by half-brained design.  Looking to learn more? You know what to do. Go to t-mfrs.com to see the visually-enhanced version of these posts (my shit-doodles, don't get excited). Hit Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers to hear the full episodes already devoted to dissociative topics. Or hit that Google bar to start learning on your own!  Cheers Y'all Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

You know the team well. They all travel together. One feeds into and strengthens the next. And getting away from them feels inescapable. It's a Traumatized Motherfucker's worst friends; rumination, shame, and depression. Which cognitive hellhole comes first? Current models aren't certain. All we know is, this horrible-thought-horrible-feeling cycle is one hell of a ride.   "The end result of trying to “put ourselves in our maggoty, scum-filled place” is sitting at home alone, isolating ourselves, and engaging in self-destructive behaviors while we try to pass the excruciating hours of the day, which are broken into even more terrorizing individual seconds of the day spent with our least favorite person on the earth."  Today, we're taking the neuro-psychological view of clinical depression... and discussing how their common "low energy vibe" might be the best tool for noticing, naming, and not-falling-for-their-shit next time.   Ready for more of this conversation? There are options. Hit up t-mfrs.com to see the blog post and visuals that go with this talk. Jump into the backlog of episodes available through patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers when you're ready for deep, dense, posts on similar topics. Or hit up the private discord community, also gated through the patreon page.   Got a story or perspective of your own? Hit me up any time at traumatizedmotherfxckers@gmail.com. Send in your voice or your written word, and make a difference for MFs who need to hear they aren't alone.  Cheers friends.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

Time to talk about perhaps the largest post-traumatic complaint. It's time for Anxiety. (When isn't it?) Let's also chat about those highly related conditions often driven by anxiety... Obsession and Scattered Thinking. The link between all of them that might help you with managing the system? Neutralizing the "high energy" changes they create in your brain and body, plus rewiring that brain to recognize these neural activities are all unwinnable attempts to out-pace a rightfully-assumed-dangerous world. "In anxiety, obsession, and ADHD, we try to predict the future based on what we’ve seen in the past. We try to control our world by out-thinking it. Out-preparing for it. Our thoughts move very quickly as our brains make automatic decisions based on existing neural connections. We can’t stop taking compulsive action because our brain never gives the “stop” signal."Let's break down some of the most holistically-debilitating conditions of life on trauma... the "neurotic" end of the energetic scale - Anxiety, OCD, and Unmanageable Thought Patterns. Into this approach? It's just my brain's way of understanding this CPTSD experience, you won't find it elsewhere. Check t-mfrs.com to dig into the blogged and visually enhanced versions of these episodes to enhance your info absorption. Check Patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers for a huge backlog of shows on CPTSD and an ever-expanding focus on "managing your neurobiology" topics. And consider the TMFR private discord community if you're looking for supportive chats on shared recovery resiliencies. Remember, your brain is just a neutrally-observing organ, equipped only to learn about your environment in order to predict and react to upcoming events. Oftentimes, its been taught wrong. It's your job to reframe what's correct. Cheers Fuckers. Jess--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message

What's the difference between your past high-functionality and current fears of "losing your fucking mind"? Bad information that was programmed into faulty neural networks being activated more regularly in ways that override the accessibility of the "human brained" prefrontal cortex.  The good news is, you can fix it. Your brain isn't "you" or a reflection of your value. And it's just a stupid biological reactor organ, waiting to be taught better.   "As much as we put it on a pedestal, your head isn’t infallible in interpreting your environment or history or future. It makes up stories to do so. It predicts events as quickly and accurately as possible, but the instructions or translations of events it contains might be flawed from the start..." Let's talk about collecting bad data, creating inaccurate stories, triggering ourselves to high-hell, obsessing, addictions, self-sabotage, and losing executive functioning.  Into the neuro-comprehension talk? Welp, that's what we're doing most often these days in the private podcast stream at patreon.com/traumatizedmotherfuckers. Learn how to see your brain and neural programming... so you can change anything you're not happy with. Looking forward at building better brains, not backwards at punishing ourselves for unchangeable events.  Cheers, Fuckers.  Jess --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/complextrauma/message