Cinema is History

Happy Halloween! For a special treat we are going to be exploring the world of DRACULA - but not as you know it, the sets are made of questionable material, and the accents are disappointingly Anglophone. Everyone is middle class, looks smart and wears and tie, and of course, bloodsucking members of the undead harass decent law abiding verge trimming Conservative voters. It wouldn't have happened if that Mr Attlee hadn't gotten into power. Expect scintillating turnip lantern chat, Christopher Lee throwing the smackdown and horse vampires as we explore the weird, wonderful, often disturbing world of Transylvan... Konigsberg? Klinsmannberg? WHY DID THEY CHANGE THIS?!?EnjoyMusic by Trabant 33 on licence via epidemic Sound

The concluding part on Official Secrets introduces us to a pervert judge who is also somehow Winston Churchill. Katharine Gun enters her plea and has to be prevented from mooning for rebuttal *bell*. Ken MacBonald tries to fish where he don't have a permit no more. Lord Voldemort wins a case using dark magic, proving that Wokeism is the fourth unforgivable curse. Kenny and Alex give their contrasting verdicts to the question Alex posed in episode 1 (to the Salt Mines with her!) and we agree to all be a little more Hank Kissinger :O Music by Trabant 33 on licence via epidemic soundscinemaishistory@gmail.com for queries, please don't rant at us like an unhinged old testament preacher.

Its confession time for our heroine Katherine Gun as the last chopper heads out of Saigon and she is left behind to brawl with Ho Chi Minh. Ms Gun will face interrogation from a bald security goon, answer questions from a bald police detective before seeking help from a bald lawyer. Will she get out of this particular pickle?*WARNING* - Episode may contain BaldismMusic by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Soundcinemaishistory@gmail.com

The story of Katharine Gun, 'The Spy Who Tried to Stop a War' continues, and the submission of the 'Beijing Report' causes a stir amongst the cognoscenti. We put on our best Southern accents and contact Uncle Koza, follow Matt Smith to talk to a rear admiral, and Lord Varys goes tonto over a blog post.

You join us for the final episode on Ironclad and boy howdy, is it a doozy. Contains a great, insane speech from Paul Giamatti on top form, and the headline is quite frankly the championship belt of funny deaths, the one that will be the one to beat, probably for all time. Its the Usain Bolt of Funny Deaths. The Muhammad Ali. The Maradona. Its Greatness is peerless, it shall never be surpassed.Also, some other fun stuff, including some real history towards the end, and we should probably point out here that King John did not die actually in the marshes but made his way through them while gravely ill, finally popping his tyrannical clogs at Newark Castle on October 19th 1216. So now you know that. :) Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Soundcinemaishistory@gmail.com

The siege of Rochester Castle continues as our heroes valiantly defend the fortress against King John and his savage mercenaries. Trebuchet balls smash chapel windows and siege towers are completely whitewashed from history. Winter sees raw cockroaches eaten and Baron Cornhill goes tonto! How much longer can the defenders hold?Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

We return to Not So Merrye England where the rule of the Bad King John is in full swing, and he's as mad as a box of marzipan daffodils. A Sea Monster impedes Gareth From the Office, an Oaf is rescued from the pillory with coin, and the bars of a flea bitten, one-horse peasant town do a roaring trade, as do their working girls as a Man of Sex arrives on the scene. Speaking of Men of Sex, Brian Cox has some choice words for the King as the swinging Ds of the kingdom square off for the Rochester Castle Rocks Festival 1215 and it very quickly gets wildly out of control. Derek Jacobi is back and this times its personnel as he tutors his castellan in not just letting in any old Danes. He has a wife. She likes to booze and has her eye on Tommy Templar as the frankly shocking treatment of women in the movie ramps up to MAGA levels. Tiberius the Dane is still around.Music by Trabant 33 on licence via Epidemic Sound

Welcome Back! We're heading to 13th century England during the time of the First Barons' War. We'll be discussing the events leading up to the war as well as the significance of Magna Carta. In addition, we'll be introduced to a range of characters from crazy King John, a Dane with a strange name and mute Templar knight who won't remain quiet for too long. There will also be a feeble old man who wonders into a castle courtyard with predictable results. Enjoy and remember, blood will run!Music by Trabant 33 via Epidemic Sound subscriptionYou can email us at cinemaishistory@gmail.com