Breaking Formation

What happens when the child isn't the problem? When you sit a kid down to talk through their "behavior," and you realize the real story is happening at home?In this episode of Breaking Formation, we explore parentification, parental mental illness, and the quiet ways teens learn to survive when family dynamics get turned upside down. Hosted by retired Air Force Colonel Merryl Tengesdal and child psychotherapist Shea Phinney, MFT, this conversation goes deep into what it means when kids become the parent—the oldest sibling making sure homework gets done (often called "Eldest Daughter Syndrome"), the teen tiptoeing around a parent's rage, and the child learning to read a room before they've learned to read a book.Drawing on Shea's years working in child protective services, this episode unpacks how therapists create safety for children, how to help a young person understand that their parent's struggles are not their fault, and what mandated reporting really looks like. Merryl and Shea also open up with personal anecdotes from their own single-parent households, sharing honest, sometimes funny reflections on the moments that shaped them.WHAT WE COVER IN THIS EPISODEParentification and how taking on adult responsibilities affects kids into adulthood.Misidentified child behavior—when the parent is the bigger problem.Teens and parental substance abuse, depression, anxiety, and erratic behavior.Warning signs of a parental mental health crisis.Confidentiality rules for minors in therapy.Teen mental health support and where to turn for help.WHERE TO FIND SUPPORTIf you're a young person navigating a tough home life, you are not alone. Reach out to extended family, a school counselor, or confidential support lines. If something feels uncomfortable, trust your gut. Healing doesn't happen in isolation.Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a volunteer Crisis Counselor 24/7.Alateen: Support for teens affected by a loved one's drinking (al-anon.org/for-alateen).SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 for treatment referral and information.LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, AND JOIN THE CONVERSATIONIf this episode resonated with you, hit subscribe so you never miss a mission debrief!💬 Drop a comment below: What is one boundary you’ve learned to set that has protected your peace?Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtube.com/@breakingformationpodcastDisclaimer: This podcast is for educational purposes only. It is not meant to diagnose or treat any illness. Please contact a qualified healthcare provider if you notice that you or your parent may be struggling.#BreakingFormation #Parentification #EldestDaughterSyndrome #TeenMentalHealth #FamilyDynamics #Alateen #ParentalMentalIllness #YouthDevelopment #MentalHealthSupport

Are your friendships changing as you grow older? In this episode of Breaking Formation, we dive deep into the evolving nature of friendships and how to figure out who your true friends really are.Join retired Air Force Colonel Merryl Tengesdal and child psychotherapist Shea Phinney as they explore the complexities of relationships across different stages of life. From the playground to adulthood, friendships flow like water with tides that come and go. Merryl and Shea share relatable stories and expert insights on helping kids and young adults understand their personal values, set healthy boundaries, and figure out who belongs in their inner circle.Watch the full episode for actionable advice on dealing with changing friend groups, protecting your peace, and learning when to let kids navigate their own relationship battles.Subscribe to the channel so you never miss a conversation, and let us know your thoughts on true friendship in the comments below.Table of Contents:00:00 - Navigating a rapidly changing world03:02 - The evolving tides of friendships09:02 - Aligning values and setting boundaries18:10 - Acquaintances vs. true friends23:51 - Letting kids figure out their own battlesConnect with Breaking Formation:Subscribe to our channel on YouTube: Breaking Formation - YouTube for more weekly episodes.Follow us on social media to join the community conversation.#BreakingFormation #Friendships #TrueFriends #Relationships #Boundaries

The traditional path of going to school, getting a degree, and working for 30 years before retiring is rapidly shifting. In this episode of Breaking Formation, we explore the profound impact of AI on traditional career paths and how young adults can navigate unprecedented workforce changes.Merryl Tengesdal and child psychotherapist Shea Phinney sit down to discuss why flexibility and creativity are now essential components of modern career planning. They examine how artificial intelligence is reshaping industries and share strategies to help young people prepare for an unpredictable future. From developing primary, secondary, and tertiary career backup plans to understanding the massive value of junior colleges and trade certifications, this conversation provides a roadmap for adapting to tomorrow's job market.Discover how to build a resilient career strategy and cultivate an entrepreneurial mindset that can withstand technological disruptions. How are you and your family preparing for these shifts in the job market? Share your thoughts and pivot plans in the comments below!Watch the full video for actionable advice and tips on future-proofing your career, and subscribe to Breaking Formation for more weekly discussions on navigating life's biggest transitions.Table of Contents:00:00 - The shift in traditional career paths02:10 - AI's impact on the future workforce08:49 - Building your career pivot plan13:05 - The hidden value of junior colleges and trades19:22 - Cultivating an entrepreneurial mindsetConnect with Breaking Formation:Subscribe to our channel to never miss an episode.Follow us on social media to join the conversation and access more resources.#breakingformation #careers #college #teens #youthdevelopment #subscribe #future #mindset #trades #juniorcollege

Dive into the reality of school safety, mental health, and digital identity in this episode of Breaking Formation. "Classroom Under Pressure" explores how shifting societal norms and active shooter drills impact the daily lives and focus of students.We sit down with retired Air Force colonel Merryl Tengesdal and resident child psychotherapist Shea Phinney to unpack the heavy burden placed on today's youth. They share expert insights on navigating modern educational environments safely and effectively. You will learn practical stress management techniques, including deep breathing and grounding exercises, to help regulate the nervous system after highly stressful events. We also cover the importance of establishing a clear safety plan and how to build muscle memory for handling tough situations.Watch the full video to discover actionable tools and tips to help you and your family navigate these complex challenges. Subscribe to the channel to join us as we continue breaking free from conventional thinking, and tune in next time when we discuss the transition to college.Table of Contents:00:00 - Introduction to the topic01:51 - Discussion on active shooter drills28:37 - Techniques for nervous system regulationConnect with Breaking Formation:Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more video podcasts. Breaking Formation - YouTubeFollow us on social media to join the conversation. #MentalHealth #SchoolSafety #BreakingFormation #StressManagement #DigitalIdentity

In this episode of Breaking Formation, co-host Merryl Tengesdal becomes the "guinea pig" as licensed psychotherapist Shea Phinney demonstrates the powerful trauma technique known as Brain Spotting.We explore the fascinating science behind how our brains process information and why "where you look affects how you feel." Shea breaks down how trauma can get stuck in the subcortical brain—the survival center—and how using your field of vision can access and release unprocessed emotional pain. Merryl shares her personal experience during a live demo, opening up about the unique ability of pilots and first responders to compartmentalize and dissociate in high-stress environments.Whether you are struggling with past trauma or just curious about how your mind works, this episode offers a fascinating look into the body's ability to heal itself.Hit that subscribe button and turn on notifications to join us as we break formation and forge new perspectives.In This Episode:0:00 - Intro: Merryl Becomes the Guinea Pig1:45 - Understanding How the Brain Processes Trauma5:20 - What is Brain spotting? (The Science)10:15 - Live Demo: Merryl Tries Brain spotting18:30 - Merryl’s Reaction: From Anger to Relief22:40 - The "Super Skill" of Dissociation in First Responders27:00 - Why You Should Process Trauma Sooner Than LaterDisclaimer: The content in this podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified mental health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or mental health concern.#breakingformation #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #teens #brainspotting #youthdevelopment #subscribe #subscribetomychannel

Ever feel like your social media feed knows exactly what you're thinking? It’s not magic—it’s math. In this episode of Breaking Formation, we dive deep into the invisible algorithms that curate your digital life and create what we call "reality bubbles."Join hosts Merryl Tengesdal, Col, USAF (ret.), and Shea Phinney, MFT, as they uncover how these digital feedback loops shape your opinions, reinforce biases, and distort your perception of the world. Are you seeing the whole picture, or just what the algorithm wants you to see? We discuss the psychological impact of echo chambers on teens and young adults and share real-life stories about getting trapped in the scroll.Most importantly, we provide a flight plan for breaking out. Learn practical strategies to diversify your feed, spot algorithmic manipulation, and reclaim control over your online experience. Whether you're a parent worried about your child's digital diet or a young adult looking for clarity, this episode is your guide to staying grounded in a curated world.What’s the weirdest thing an algorithm has recommended to you? Let us know in the comments!👍 Like this video, subscribe to our channel, and hit the notification bell so you never miss an episode.In This Episode:0:00 - Intro: Is Your Phone Reading Your Mind?2:13 - How Algorithms Actually Work5:35 - The Impact on Young Adults & Teens8:06 - Understanding Echo Chambers & Reality Bubbles11:18 - Personal Stories: Trapped in the Feed22:15 - How Algorithms Influence Our Beliefs26:11 - Expert Advice: Maintaining Perspective30:31 - Strategies for Parents & Teens to Break the Bubble33:51 - Taking Back Control of Your Digital Life#breakingformation #socialmedia #mentalhealth #echochamber #techpsycology #parenting #teens #onlinesafety

From the moment a child is born, their life is often documented and shared online. But what happens when that digital footprint starts to shape their reality? In this eye-opening episode of Breaking Formation, hosts Merryl Tengesdal, Col, USAF (ret.), and Shea Phinney, MFT, dive deep into the phenomenon of "sharenting"—parents sharing their children's lives on social media.This conversation goes beyond just embarrassing baby photos. Shea breaks down the psychological impact of growing up online, explaining how a parent's relationship with their phone can affect a child's brain development and attachment style. From the "secure" to the "anxious" attachment, discover how digital distractions might be rewiring the way the next generation connects with the world.Merryl and Shea also tackle the tough questions:How does constant documentation affect a teenager's identity formation?What are the safety risks of sharing too much information online?How can parents respect their child's privacy while still celebrating memories?What practical steps can kids take to assert their boundaries respectfully?Whether you're a parent navigating the digital age or a young person trying to reclaim your narrative, this episode offers vital insights into maintaining healthy relationships offline.Don't miss this crucial discussion on navigating life in the digital era. Subscribe and follow Breaking Formation today for more insights on YouTube https://youtube.com/@breakingformationpodcast?si=ZJayGz8cXkwy1X69

Ever wondered what it takes to bring a 30-year-old dream to life? In this special episode of Breaking Formation, the tables are turned as co-host Shea Phinney, MFT, interviews Merryl Tengesdal, Col, USAF (ret.), about her incredible journey creating the graphic novella, "Shatter the Sky."Join them for an inspiring conversation that peels back the curtain on the creative process. Merryl shares the story behind the story—from a long-held idea to finding the right collaborators and navigating the challenges of independent publishing. This episode is a masterclass in persistence, the power of community, and trusting your vision against all odds.Discover the lessons Merryl learned about patience, building a team, and the emotional journey of reliving her experiences to create something new. If you've ever had a passion project you've wanted to pursue, this discussion will give you the motivation to take the next step.Don't miss out on more inspiring stories. Subscribe and follow "Breaking Formation" wherever you get your podcasts.