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Back From The Borderline
unlock the source code to your imagination matrix with stephen aizenstat, Ph.D
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Ever feel like you’ve hit a dead end in your recovery journey? Like you’re the one person destined to remain stuck in cycles of trauma, self-sabotage, and doubt? What if the answers you’re seeking are already within you, waiting to be accessed? In this transformative episode, we explore the healing power of imagination, creativity, and inner wisdom. Dr. Stephen Aizenstat, a pioneer in the field of depth psychology, joins me to guide us through reconnecting with our deeper selves. By tapping into this “core matrix” of imagination, we can access a greater intelligence that not only heals but also empowers us to become the agents of change our world needs.
Dr. Aizenstat, founder of Pacifica Graduate Institute and Dream Tending, has collaborated with leading minds in psychology, mythology, and indigenous wisdom to explore the profound role of dreams and imagination in healing. His decades-long work offers practical insights for those ready to step beyond the limitations of rational thinking and embrace a more holistic, creative approach to growth and self-discovery.
Topics Covered and Questions Answered in This Episode:
- The Role of Imagination in Healing: How reclaiming creativity and imagination in adulthood can provide us with transformative insights often overlooked by rational thinking.
- Why Modern Culture Disregards Intuition: Exploring the Western preference for logic over intuition and the cultural shift that suppressed our imaginative faculties.
- Active Imagination as a Tool for Self-Discovery: Using imagination to connect with our inner "parts" or "subpersonalities" and integrate them into a more harmonious self.
- Reframing Suicidal Thoughts as a Call for Transformation: Understanding deep emotional pain as a signal for psychic initiation or change.
- Grief Rituals and Healing: The role of intentional rituals in processing grief and fostering emotional resilience.
- Projection and Relational Pain: Why we often project unresolved pain onto others and how to reclaim ownership of these feelings.
- Facing Ambivalence about Death: Acknowledging and exploring our fears around mortality as part of a holistic healing journey.
- Tuning into the Inner Self: Practical ways to connect with the deeper self, whether seen as True Nature, Higher Self, Buddha-nature, or Christ-consciousness.
- The Life-Changing Power of Curiosity: How cultivating a curious approach toward life can shift our mental state and open us to new possibilities.
- Healing Emptiness by Engaging with Your “Inner Council”: Developing a relationship with your inner guides and mentors to navigate chronic feelings of emptiness.
Resources:
✧ Click here to purchase Stephen’s new book “The Imagination Matrix”
✧ Visit https://dreamtending.com/ to learn more about Stephen’s Dream Tending programs
Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.
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Why the Death of TikTok is a Spiritual Crisis
48:49|Unless you've been living under a rock, you're probably aware that the US government has officially acquired TikTok and effectively lobotomized the algorithm.The mass exodus happening right now is the death knell of the attention economy. This episode explores the Dead Internet Theory in real-time. Techno-Feudalism is real, and its unfolding before our very eyes. We'll dig deep into the new research from Oxford on AI Swarms and computational propaganda which shows exactly how vibe-coding bots manufacture consensus while they harvest our energy in the digital commons. You'll learn how to exit the Swarm and embrace Digital Sovereignty. It's time retreat to the Dark Forest to build something real.In this deep dive, we cover:The TikTok Crash: How the forced sale and algorithm changes are only symptoms of a much larger broken model.Techno-Feudalism: Yanis Varoufakis’s theory that proves that we were never "citizens" of the internet, we were just peasants working the land for our digital lords.The Dead Internet Theory: From 4chan conspiracy to statistical reality - how more than 50% of the internet is now just bots talking to bots.The Occult Dynamic: Egregores and "Loosh" energy harvesting. How modern platforms act like hungry ghosts eating your attention.AI Swarms: The new threat of collaborative AI agents and how they infiltrate communities and fake human behavior.The Solution: We must pivot from Hypnosis to Gnosis and build Sovereign Technology.Mentioned in this Episode:MOODS: Join the beta for the new Slow Internet sanctuary at moods.world.Patreon: Join the "Dark Forest" community and get ad-free episodes at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline.
Girl on Girl: The Erotic Haunting of Female Friendship
59:59|She watches your stories within seconds of posting. She tracks your location and demands to know why you didn’t text back immediately. She calls it “protective. She says she’s just “loyal.” But your nervous system knows the truth. This isn’t friendship, it’s surveillance.Female friendship in its shadow form looks a lot like demonic possession. It’s an unconscious binding spell cast by a woman who refuses to inhabit her own existence, so she decides to consume yours instead. She needs you to remain frozen in time, predictable, and small so that she can feel safe.In this episode, we’re ripping the veneer off the "Bestie" industrial complex. We’ll look at the physics of why women destroy each other, the zombie dynamic of forcing connection where there is only resentment, and the refusal to eat a slice of Saturn and grow the f*ck up.RESOURCES:* Click here to read the original Substack post that inspired this episode* Click here to check out books by Linda Schierse Leonard and here for some by Marion Woodman* Join the MOODS waitlist at moods.world *UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE: Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021. Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.
Escaping the Trap of Perpetual Girlhood (He’s Not “Avoidant,” You’re Just Bored)
39:46|“No one’s coming to save you.”That's the hardest sentence I have ever had to learn and integrate, and it’s the only one that actually changed my life.We are living through a strange moment where "healing" has somehow morphed into a refusal to grow the f*ck up. We see it in the "I'm just a girl" memes and the endless obsession with "attachment styles." We’ve convinced ourselves that if we just analyze his trauma enough, or explain our feelings perfectly enough, the mythical door in our minds will open. But the hard truth is that you are likely not dating an 'avoidant' man. You are bored. And you are using 'therapy speak' to avoid the terrifying reality that no one is coming to save you from yourself.This episode is a cold-water slap in audio form. My goal was to create the initiatory rite our culture never gave me. We’ll be discussing the difference between the Maiden who spills her energy everywhere and the Mother who builds a world that can actually hold her.In this episode:· The Trap of Therapy Speak: Why calling him "avoidant" is actually a control fantasy that keeps you stuck.· The Theory of the Clogged Drain: Stop analyzing the blockage and call the plumber.· The Panopticon: How "self-awareness" can actually just be a fancy word for obedience and dissociation.· The "Taylor Swift" Archetype: Why the Puella Aeterna (Eternal Girl) refuses to touch the ground (and reality itself).· The Rescue Party: Breaking the fantasy that fragility equals lovability.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧Every week, I share these extended episodes on Patreon. If what you’ve heard here has helped or intrigued you, the full version is where the real magic happens. Your support keeps my work independent and ad-light. Support from my Patrons is how I fund my life and make sure what I do stays honest, unfiltered, and as listener-powered as possible. Head to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to sign up today. Search the episode title and keep listening. (Tip for iPhone users: sign up through Safari or Chrome to skip Apple’s extra fees.)✧ SIGN UP FOR THE MOODS WAITLIST AT MOODS.WORLD ✧
why everyone is hot and no one is happy: bodies as product, desire as labor (pt 2)
01:08:49|Dating right now feels exhausting for a reason. Everyone is optimizing themselves (bodies, faces, profiles, vibes) and still walking away from relationships feeling disconnected or quietly resentful. This is part two of an exploration into why everyone is hot and no one is happy. (You can listen to part 1 here.)In this episode, we’ll expose the modern machinery selling us how to view desire itself. We take a look at how men and women are trained to treat their bodies like projects and why the “ideal” keeps changing without ever delivering real genuine intimacy. Topics include a deep dive into the “fembot” fantasy, gym culture, porn saturation, dating apps, and the profound loneliness that takes root when people are constantly visible but rarely felt and seen in any meaningful way.You’ll gain an understanding of exactly how these dynamics feed anger and polarization, leading both men and women to keep misreading (and hating) each other, and why dating now feels like a zero-sum game. This is the system we’re all operating inside. Desire doesn’t have to feel like a job, it can start feeling like something human again, if only we collectively wake up to the psyop being spoon-fed to us by culture and media.⚠️ THE MOODS WAITLIST OPENS JAN 21 2026Note: We are admitting members in small, manual batches. Once a batch fills, the gates close until the next cycle. The sooner you get on the list, the sooner you get in.Go to: https://moods.world/
Sex in the Third Person: Why You Leave Your Body to Watch Yourself Perform
22:33|If you have ever felt like you were watching yourself perform intimacy from a camera lens installed in the ceiling, this is the episode you've been waiting for. Together, we’ll be diagnosing a very specific, silent fracture in the modern psyche: the gap between edibility (how delicious you look to others) and appetite (what you actually hunger for).For a generation raised in the digital Wild West, we learned very early on that safety comes from being a "Good Object.” (The goal being to be pleasing and curated.) But the tension required to maintain that image is physically incompatible with the softness required to feel actual pleasure.We’ll go beyond the standard (and extremely played-out) "empowerment" scripts to look at the darker root causes of why we leave our bodies during sex. We explore the "millennial psyop" of early internet conditioning and the concept of functional dissociation.From the esoteric concept of the Eidolon (the phantom double) in Greek mythology to a shocking historical reframe involving Napoleon Bonaparte’s (kinky af) letters, we’ll dismantle every aspect of performative sex. This episode is your permission to stop performing for a ghost and finally inhabit the first person.UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE ON PATREON, CLICK HERE (or visit patreon.com/backfromtheborderline). To know as soon as we drop the MOODS waitlist, follow us on Instagram at @moods.codex.
why everyone is hot and no one is happy: the men women want (part 1)
57:27|Modern dating is currently stuck in a strange paralysis. Everyone looks better than ever, but actual desire is missing. Men are told to become sculpted superheroes to win affection. Women are told they should want them. Almost no one is satisfied with the result. This is part one of an investigation into why.In this episode, we bypass the gym-optimized fantasy to look at the figures that actually haunt the female imagination. We examine the Wounded Romantic and the Beautiful Monster. We also uncover the "missing third" option that rarely gets airtime.We track the Gothic lineage of the female gaze to answer an uncomfortable question. Why do we feel so pulled toward men who feel dangerous and damaged? Why does safety often feel boring while the wound feels like chemistry? It's time to understand where our fantasies actually come from. The sanitized stories we’re fed about attraction no longer match our lived experience.To join the MOODS waitlist, follow us at @moods.codexJoin the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. ⟁
The Voice You’re Using Isn’t Yours
23:28|Most people move through their day assuming the voice in their head belongs to them. The commentary that explains our reactions, the phrases that seem to pop in our minds when we’re about to speak. Even the language we use to justify what we feel, and why we choose to keep going inside this confusing-as-hell human experience in our meat suits. All of that comes from inside us, right?The disconcerting reality is that if you spend enough time listening to yourself think, you realize that the voice you hear feels weirdly…. Standardized. It’s almost as if it was absorbed for you gradually over time, without your permission.This episode looks at exactly how that voice is formed through repetition and pressure through environments that reward quick knee-jerk responses and the illusion of “certainty.” The thesis here is that our language has become something we’ve inherited, no longer something we author ourselves.Together, we’ll explode what it takes to break this collective spell and what it might require for us to learn how to speak from a place within that feels self-directed instead of conditioned.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧Every week, I share these extended episodes on Patreon. If what you’ve heard here has helped or intrigued you, the full version is where the real magic happens. Your support keeps my work independent and ad-light. Support from my Patrons is how I fund my life and make sure what I do stays honest, unfiltered, and as listener-powered as possible. Head to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to sign up today. Search the episode title and keep listening.(Tip for iPhone users: sign up through Safari or Chrome to skip Apple’s extra fees.)
The Cool Girl Myth and Trend Culture as Self Abandonment
01:10:29|Trend culture these days moves faster than any of us can keep up with. What was framed as essential a few months ago is quickly recoded as dated or embarrassing, replaced by a new “aesthetic.” For many of us, this produces that dreaded feeling: plenty of clothes, but very little (or no) sense of personal style. But I’m here with a spoiler alert for you, my lovely listener. The problem is not your taste level, it’s the system.This episode draws on my firsthand experience working inside fashion PR (albeit for a very brief time.) Yes, I had my very own Andy Sachs moment. And no, it was not nearly as glamorous as hers was. You’ll learn how “cool” is less a mystery and more of a series of controlled decisions about who gets seen, when and why. Participating in this f*cked up Truman show reveals the harsh reality. Which is that the more closely you follow trend culture, the less stable your sense of Self becomes. But what do I know? I’m just a millennial in my thirties. Maybe I’m just chopped and unc.As always, we will approach all of this material sideways instead of straight on, through depth psychology, myth, and understanding of how symbols become powerful (in a truly occult sense) when we repeat them enough. Trend culture is very ritualistic. It’s a kind of shared spell that rewards constant self-editing and treats adulthood like something we should do anything to postpone. Following that logic to its end exposes the paradox at the center of the “Cool Girl” fantasy, which is that the fastest way to lose any sense of yourself is to keep trying to become her, and that real maturity (the unmarketable kind) is what quietly returns your style, and your authority back to where it has always belonged. To you.Follow @moods.codex on Instagram to be the first to sign up for the waitlist. We’ll be posting updates about the launch there.
the cassandra curse: feeling “crazy” when you’re actually right
22:02|For the highly sensitive, intuitive, and intense people among us, our greatest gift is often the source of our deepest interpersonal suffering.We pick up on invisible tells and subconscious subtext that others miss. We can just feel when the energy shifts. But when we try to speak that truth to the person on the other end, we often make the mistake of outsourcing our validation. We get upset that they aren't seeing our version of reality, and inevitably, we get labeled "crazy." The tragic irony here is that the harder we fight to prove we are sane, the more we fulfill the “prophecy.”In this episode, we’ll be stepping as far away as possible from diagnostic labels and looking at this dynamic through the lens of ancient mythology, depth psychology, and alchemy. We’ll dissect what I’m calling “The Cassandra Curse.” The archetype of the prophet who was doomed to see the truth, but whose own reaction turned her own story into a tragedy.We explore:· The Self-Sabotage Loop: How we turn a valid intuition into an explosion that destroys our credibility (and how to interrupt it)· The Control Trap: Why trying to "force a confession" out of someone is actually a form of control· Pearls & Swine: Why we keep handing our highest currency to people who aren't ready to receive it· The Transformation: How to move from the Hysterical Victim archetype to the Sovereign Priestess who trusts her own intuition and doesn't need anyone else to sign off on her reality for herIt's time to stop trying to prove you're right just to make others wrong and start trusting what you see and letting that be enough. To listen to the full episode, sign up for Patreon at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. To make sure you're one of the first to sign of for the waiting list for MOODS, follow us on IG at moods.codex.