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Back From The Borderline
too much to handle: understanding the power of your emotional intensity, sensory sensitivity, and overexcitabilities
Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your big emotions, or found yourself misunderstood for being 'too much,' 'overly dramatic,' or just different from others? Sometimes it can feel like our heightened sensitivity is more of a curse than a gift. This episode is for anyone who grew up feeling completely alien from the world around them, exploring the misunderstood realm of giftedness and overexcitabilities (also known as 'sensory OE') through a transformative new lens.
Join me as we delve into Dabrowski’s Theory of Positive Disintegration, a perspective that celebrates your intense emotional and intellectual experiences as signs of potential personal growth rather than flaws. We'll uncover the five types of overexcitabilities—Psychomotor, Sensual, Intellectual, Imaginational, and Emotional—and reveal how these can sculpt one's life and relationships. This journey is about understanding and embracing the full spectrum of your experiences, from the challenges of navigating childhood sensitivities to harnessing your unique traits as strengths in adulthood. Whether you’re seeking to heal past wounds or to better understand and nurture a gifted child, this episode offers insights into turning what once felt like overwhelming traits into your most valuable assets. Learn how to communicate your unique experiences to those closest to you and build connections that honor and reflect your true self. Join me to find empowerment in your intensity and transform your understanding of what it means to be gifted.
Resources:
✧ shame series part 1: healthy shame makes you human [back from the borderline shame series]
✧ Living with Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults by Susan Daniels
✧ Mellow Out, They Say. If I Only Could: Intensities and Sensitivities of the Young and Bright by Michael Piechowski
Craving more? Become a Premium Submarine. Join an exclusive community and unlock hundreds of hours of members-only content: full-length episodes, deep-dive series, guided meditations, and more—all for the cost of a couple of coffees a month. Start exploring at backfromtheborderline.com.
The information contained in this podcast episode is for educational and entertainment purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.
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occult statecraft: how demons, magicians, and intelligence agencies shaped the modern world
01:34:11|WARNING: This episode will permanently alter how you view government institutions, scientific establishments, and the people who actually run this country. Once you understand these connections, you cannot unknow them. The man who co-wrote the U.S. military's psychological warfare field manual was also a practicing Satanist who conducted black magic rituals in Nazi occult chambers using SS ceremonial daggers. The co-founder of NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory spent his final years attempting to incarnate Babylonian goddesses through sex magic before dying in a mysterious explosion that his colleagues suspected was murder. The British ceremonial magician who developed systematic consciousness manipulation techniques worked simultaneously as an MI5 intelligence asset and influenced psychological operations that are still in use today.This isn't conspiracy theory. These are documented facts about real people with verified government positions, published writings, and traceable institutional influence.We will follow the hidden lineage that connects ancient Egyptian theurgy to modern psychological warfare, revealing how ritual magic practitioners have embedded themselves within the highest levels of American military, intelligence, and scientific institutions for over a century. You'll discover:How Aleister Crowley's consciousness manipulation techniques migrated from ceremonial magic lodges into intelligence agency psychological operationsWhy Michael Aquino (a U.S. Army psychological operations officer) split from the Church of Satan to found his own occult order dedicated to "real" demonic contact while maintaining his military security clearanceHow Jack Parsons combined rocket science with Crowleyan sex magic, invoking ancient gods before NASA launches while developing the technology that put humans in spaceThe contemporary government officials who use meditative and ritual preparation to establish telepathic contact with non-human intelligencesWe don't stop at documenting the problem. We’ll actively examine how the same spiritual technologies can be used for protection, healing, and consciousness expansion when approached through love-based intention rather than power accumulation. You'll learn practical methods for developing spiritual discernment, maintaining psychological sovereignty, and protecting yourself from consciousness manipulation techniques while accessing authentic spiritual development practices.You'll never look at government institutions, scientific establishments, or spiritual traditions the same way again. The esoteric government is real. The exoteric government is mere theater. It’s high time we learned the difference.⟁ UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE // Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021. Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now. Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place. ⟁everything we now call "drugs" used to be how humans touched god
36:20|Your ancestors knew something about consciousness that we've systematically forgotten, and there are powerful reasons why this knowledge was buried.I'm going to share research that will fundamentally change how you understand the relationship between spirituality, consciousness, and the substances our culture has demonized. Serious academic scholarship that reveals how plant medicines were woven into the very foundation of human civilization, including Christianity itself.We’ll discuss why John Marco Allegro, a respected Dead Sea Scrolls scholar, was academically destroyed for revealing that early Christianity was built around encoded mushroom sacraments. I'll walk you through the linguistic evidence that "Jesus" and the crucifixion story were actually instruction manuals for psychedelic experiences that facilitated direct communion with the divine.Every advanced civilization had sophisticated consciousness technologies using plant allies. The Celtic druids, Greek mystery schools, Norse völva, Vedic soma traditions, and so many more. Your bloodline – wherever you come from – remembers what it means to work with these sacred substances.We'll explore why the same molecules that are criminalized on the street become "breakthrough medicine" when administered in $400 clinics. Why depression and anxiety might be symptoms of spiritual crisis rather than brain chemistry problems, and why the pharmaceutical industry is desperately trying to co-opt plant medicines while stripping away their sacred context.This is a nuanced conversation. I am not encouraging “drug use,” but discernment. I'm sharing forbidden knowledge about consciousness technologies that shaped human development for millennia before being systematically suppressed by institutions that profit from your disconnection and lack of awareness around these subjects.If you're ready to understand why an awakened populace with direct access to mystical experience threatens every power structure that depends on your spiritual dependency, this conversation will blow your mind. Prepare to unlearn everything you thought you knew about drugs, consciousness, and what it means to touch the divine.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.anomalies, intuition, and the edge of what we know with jeffrey mishlove, PhD
01:31:56|He’s the only person to ever receive a doctoral degree in parapsychology from an accredited university (UC Berkeley, 1980). He hosted the original Thinking Allowed series on PBS from 1986 to 2002 and now continues that legacy through New Thinking Allowed on YouTube, one of the most extensive public archives of psychic, spiritual, and scientific dialogue on the planet.In this conversation, we explore how Jeffrey’s early training in criminal psychology unexpectedly led him toward mysticism, intuition, and the study of psi – phenomena like telepathy, precognition, and psychokinesis that science still struggles to explain. We talk about the inner nudges and synchronicities that rerouted his life, why institutions resist studying the intuitive mind, and what it means to stay in relationship with mystery without turning it into dogma.Jeffrey reflects on consciousness beyond the brain, the cautious wisdom of never claiming to know exactly “what the phenomenon is,” and the overlap between psychic experience, archetypal beings, and spiritual possession. We also discuss his thoughts on AI and whether this strange new mirror might help us access parts of ourselves we’ve long forgotten how to see. If you’ve ever sensed something just beyond the veil, if you’re looking for a grounded guide into the strange, this is someone worth listening to.Link to Jeffrey’s YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@NewThinkingAllowedExplore the work of the New Thinking Allowed Foundation: https://newthinkingallowed.org/⟁ UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE // Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021. Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer. Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now. Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place.the forgotten codes of love i'll teach my daughter [part 2]
45:49|While Part 1 revealed the exoteric truths of relationship patterns, Part 2 unlocks the esoteric mysteries that have been hidden in plain sight for centuries. This is premium content exclusively for my Patreon community, representing the advanced course in sacred love that most people will never encounter.My spiritual journey through synchronicity after synchronicity led me to discover the Cathars, a medieval mystical sect that understood love as the most direct path to divine consciousness. What I uncovered changed everything I thought I knew about relationships, spirituality, and the systematic suppression of feminine wisdom. I reveal the hidden connections between Cathar dualistic spirituality and courtly love philosophy, why the lady was understood as an initiatrix who awakened the knight's highest potential, and how troubadours carried encoded wisdom in songs that appeared romantic but contained revolutionary spiritual teachings. I explore the Tarot's sacred geometry, the crucial difference between devotion and obsession, and how courtly love created "lower entropy states" through conscious partnership.You'll discover why this knowledge was systematically destroyed through religious persecution, how the Albigensian Crusade represents the genocide of sacred love itself, and why empowered divine feminine posed such a threat that entire civilizations were obliterated to suppress it. I trace the lineage from Mary Magdalene through Egyptian mystery schools to modern UFO encounters with "the Lady." This is practical mysticism that transforms how you approach every relationship. I show you how to embody both knight and lady energies regardless of gender, practice Cathar beatitudes in modern partnerships, and recognize integrated masculine-feminine balance that creates sustainable sacred union. The Cathars died to preserve this wisdom. The troubadours risked everything to spread it.This is why modern dating culture feels empty, why your soul rebels against settling for anything less than devotion. The esoteric keys have been waiting centuries for hearts ready to receive them. This is the Holy Grail of conscious relationship.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.the forgotten codes of love i'll teach my daughter [part 1]
01:39:07|You've been dating the same person in different bodies your entire life. It's time to stop settling for scraps of affection and start demanding the devotion you were born to receive. The charming player who makes you feel special...until they don't. The eternal child who promises forever but runs when things get real. The wounded soul who could love you deeply if only you could heal what's broken inside them. These archetypal patterns show up in every gender, every orientation, every type of person seeking love. Once you learn to recognize them, you'll never be blindsided again.In this episode, I break down the four relationship archetypes that rule modern dating and why you keep choosing the ones that hurt you. Using iconic movie scenes and psychological insights, I reveal how to spot the Player's calculated charm, recognize the Eternal Boy's Peter Pan energy, and understand why the King-in-Exile destroys what they love most. I'll also introduce you to the Devoted Partner archetype. The person you've been trained to overlook because our culture has convinced you that genuine care is boring and consistent love "lacks passion."I share why being "emotionally feral" keeps you choosing chaos over stability, how your childhood wounds create the Fantasy of Exception (the belief that you'll be the special one who finally changes them) and why heartbreak becomes addictive when you refuse to learn its lessons. You'll discover how to break the choose-your-own-adventure cycle that keeps replaying the same painful story, the difference between settling and choosing someone healthy, and how to recognize when someone actually sees your worth without needing you to prove it repeatedly.This is part one of a two-part exploration. While this episode stands on its own as a complete guide to understanding relationship patterns, I'll be taking these insights even deeper in part two on The Consciousness Stream (a Patreon exclusive episode), exploring the ancient wisdom traditions that can transform how you approach love entirely. This is the relationship roadmap I wish someone had given me before I wasted years on people who couldn't love me properly. The guidance I'm giving my daughter. The wisdom that could save you from learning everything the hard way, no matter who you are or who you love. Your heart deserves better than being someone's lesson to learn.Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place.your pain is real but your suffering is a story
19:57|Your shoulders and jaw have been tight for months. Shit, maybe for your entire life. You wake up already thinking about the thing that might go wrong in your relationship, the conversation that could turn ugly and get you fired at work. Your mind runs worst-case scenarios in the background at all times. This happens to you even when the day is totally fine with no real evidence that everything will fall apart. You're living in next week's problems while this week - and the present moment - slips away from you totally unnoticed.There's a difference between the sharp and clean pain of something that actually happens and this other thing. The dull ache of imagining loss and rehearsing rejection and abandonment before it even happens. One comes when it comes, but the other moves in early and sets up camp in your brain and won’t leave. Your nervous system treats both the same way, though. It floods your body with the same chemicals whether the threat is walking through your door or just racing thoughts. Most of us learned this somewhere. Maybe you got blindsided once and decided you’d never risk being vulnerable again, or your family treated worry like a form of love. Or perhaps the world taught you that good things don't last, so you’re always waiting for the next shoe to drop. So you started keeping watch and you never stopped. But watching all the time means you miss what's happening right in front of you. You miss the ordinary Tuesday that turned out better than expected, or your child’s smile. You don’t even notice the jawdroppingly beautiful sunset because you're already worried about the email you might get on Monday. In this episode of the Consciousness Stream, I’ll help you come back to the present moment. I'll walk you through what your body actually needs when it's stuck in worrying-about-the-future mode. We'll look at why some kinds of preparation for pain actually can help while others just feed your toxic ambient anxiety. My hope is by the end, you’ll learn to tell the difference between useful planning and mental torture.I won’t make you any grand promises about eliminating fear completely. That’s not realistic. Pain is part of the human experience. But I will share some practical ways to stop living in the problems that haven't happened yet. Because your actual life - the one happening right NOW - deserves your attention more than anything else. ✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.why medieval witches and modern alien experiencers are describing the same thing
01:10:46|Everything you believe about witch trials, UFO encounters, and alien abduction experiences might be fundamentally wrong. These seemingly unrelated phenomena describe the same mysterious intelligence that has been interacting with humanity for centuries. This episode examines the explosive research of Oxford historian Emma Wilby and Stanford computer scientist Jacques Vallée - two serious academics whose discoveries will challenge your understanding of reality.Lost 17th-century Scottish witch trial documents reveal striking parallels to modern UFO sightings and alien encounter reports. Isobel Gowdie's detailed confessions from 1662 contain elements identical to contemporary abduction testimonies. The shamanic practices, fairy folklore, and spirit encounters connect ancient wisdom traditions to modern anomalous phenomena.This mysterious intelligence adapts its appearance to match each culture's mythological framework, appearing as devils and fairies in medieval times, extraterrestrial visitors in the space age. Your paranormal experiences, mystical visions, and supernatural encounters might be more real than you've been told. The psychological and consciousness research is revolutionizing how scientists understand these phenomena. The evidence is undeniable. The implications are staggering. Your understanding of human history, consciousness, and reality will never be the same.Core questions examined: Are we alone in the universe, or has non-human intelligence been here throughout history? How do we reconcile scientific materialism with experiences that transcend ordinary reality? How can ancient wisdom traditions teach us about consciousness and otherworldly contact? Why are more people reporting paranormal and anomalous experiences? How can we reclaim our capacity for mystery while maintaining critical thinking?Further Listening: To listen to the episode I mention where I detail my own personal experiences with NHI and share additional thoughts on these topics, search “This Episode Isn’t About UFOs, It’s About You” in your podcast player of choice. There is a part 1 and 2, so be sure to listen to both. You can find part 1 on Spotify here and part 2 here.UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.⟁ Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.⟁ Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place.when magick went underground
13:24|You possessed knowledge as a child that you were systematically taught to abandon. You perceived realities that adults insisted did not exist. Every civilization except ours developed sophisticated frameworks for identifying and cultivating children who demonstrated expanded perceptual abilities. Our current “modern” culture pathologizes these same capacities.This transmission operates through symbolic narrative rather than direct instruction, using story and sound to bypass analytical defenses and activate dormant psychological capacities. The approach draws from pre-modern traditions that understood consciousness as malleable through mythic engagement. Instead of providing information to be processed, this audio experience creates conditions for recognition and remembrance through carefully structured resonance patterns.✧ WANT THE FULL EPISODE? ✧ Every other week, I release extended, premium episodes exclusively on Patreon. If you’ve found value in what you’ve heard so far, you can unlock the full version by visiting patreon.com/backfromtheborderline or clicking the link above. Just search the episode title and dive in. This podcast is how I support my family. It’s my full-time work. Aside from a few dynamically inserted ads, it’s made possible ENTIRELY by listener support. I already share hours of free content each week, and premium episodes like this help me keep going without having to sell out my voice. If you believe in the value of this work, joining my Patreon is the most direct way to sustain it.Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.religious trauma and the silent toll on female emotional development (a roundtable with stephanie ann and alyssa grenfell)
01:32:14|This episode brings together two former members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Stephanie Ann and Alyssa Grenfell) for a direct conversation about the psychological, emotional, and ritual structures of Mormonism and its lasting impact on women.Both guests were deeply embedded in the church for most of their lives and made the decision to leave, but their paths diverge in many meaningful ways. This conversation invites those who listen to consider how systems of control shape emotional development, distort spiritual experience, and impose gendered expectations under the guise of divine authority from a “sky-daddy” figure. Stephanie brings a perspective shaped by both mysticism and integration work. Her journey included a pivotal psychedelic experience and a prolonged period of spiritual crisis, and she now supports others in navigating similar ruptures. Alyssa’s work is rooted in research, documentation, and cultural critique. Her content reaches hundreds of thousands of viewers who are either leaving the church or seeking to understand it from the outside.What I hope emerges for you by listening to this conversation is a reflection on what is lost when a system suppresses emotional maturity and about what becomes possible when we collectively reject the inherited model of womanhood served up to us by high-control and toxically shaming patriarchal religious frameworks. In this episode, we cover:– Emotional infantilization and the performance of obedience among Mormon women– How purity culture, social hierarchy, and spiritual authority reinforce one another– The structure and secrecy of Mormon temple rituals, and their overlap with ceremonial magic– What it means to question a belief system built on exclusive truth claims– The tension between abandoning religion and staying open to spiritual or metaphysical experience– Sovereignty as a lived practice after deconstruction– The different paths people take after leaving (some toward mysticism, others toward materialism, many toward silence) Connect with my guests: – Stephanie Ann: https://www.stephanieannagain.com/ – Alyssa Grenfell: https://www.mormontruths.com/ WANT TO GO DEEPER? Visit backfromtheborderline.com to access my writing on Substack, book recommendations, and more exclusive tools for inner work. To unlock hundreds of hours of ad-free members-only content and support my work as an independent creator, join my Patreon at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline.