Back From The Borderline

The inspiration for this episode came to me after looking at a small scar under my daughter’s eye and realizing that our bodies really do keep the f*cking score. That thought sent me down a bit of an existential rabbit hole. Back to my millennial-era belly button piercing, my breast implants, and all the various little decisions I made when my body still felt endlessly recoverable to me and when “forever” sounded dramatic and way too far away to really care about. Now I’m 36, raising a toddler, exhausted as hell, building things, trying to stay healthy without becoming a total psycho about it, and now my body feels way less like a sexy little accessory to my current “identity,” and instead the whole ass reality of it. It’s the one thing I have that has to carry everything for me. Work, grief, love, stress, aging, pleasure, fear… all of it. This is a really vulnerable one. I cried more times recording it than I’d like to admit. Some of it I edited out but most of it, I didn't.This one's about mortality, wellness panic, microplastics, biohacking, cosmetic procedures, spiritual disembodiment, motherhood, and the weird and dystopian modern feeling that everything is either going to give us cancer or something we’re supposed to somehow optimize into infinity. Somewhere between total neglect and obsession, I think there’s got to be more honest way to live inside our bodies. It's something I'm still trying to figure out. Creating this episode was part of that ongoing process.Reflective prompts from the episode: What relationship did I inherit with my body, and who taught me to see myself that way?What choices am I making today that my future self will one day have to carry?What would caring for my body look like if fear wasn’t the primary motivation?You can take these into your journal, on a walk, or into MOODS with the Oriel archetype. 🜏 CONTINUE THE WORK: If you recognize yourself in something from this episode, don’t leave it unresolved. If you want more depth and the full archive: Join the BFTB Patreon → https://patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineYou’ll get:☆ Weekly bonus episodes☆ Consciousness Stream☆ Archetypal tarot + astrology forecasts☆ Full ad-free archive accessIf you want to actually work through it: Use MOODS → https://app.moods.world/ MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you.  If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS. See you inside.

Someone tagged me this week in a Christian conversion testimony video and accused me of leading people into demonic tarot witchcraft, which honestly made me laugh. So naturally, I made an episode.I felt like it was important to explore why tarot feels so disturbingly accurate sometimes even when you don’t fully “believe” in it.I’ll introduce you to Pamela Colman Smith, the artist behind the Rider-Waite-Smith deck, and why her illustrated minor arcana changed tarot forever. We discuss tarot as theater, the body language inside various cards, and perhaps most importantly, why simply memorizing meanings is usually the worst possible way to learn.By the end of this episode, you’ll learn how to actually read the tarot intuitively.You can listen to the full episode at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline. You can also join the Patreon for free if you want the weekly Wednesday newsletter and previews of the paid episodes before deciding.MOODS is live at moods.world, and you can use The Animatrix inside MOODS to work through your daily tarot pull in the same way I teach here. Patreon members also get discounted access to MOODS.

This is part two of a two-part series on madness and the performance of sanity.Most people are mainly just acting “normal” all day. We put on our work voices while we’re screaming with existential misery inside. We all know what it feels like to say “I’m fine” when we’re decidedly not.In part one, we looked at who gets to define madness. In part two, we begin after the rupture, when someone has seen too much and still has to return to ordinary life.This episode moves through the aftermath of extreme states and what they do to the person who survives them. We discuss how fear of the mind can soften into familiarity, and why “recovery” so often means learning how to speak about what happened without identifying with it forever or allowing it to swallow the whole Self.Modern culture just loves a clean recovery story. Breakdown, treatment, lesson, comeback. That’s how it’s supposed to go. Real return is usually much stranger and messier than that.This is the second half of our exploration: how we come back from the borderline, and the parts of us that refuse to come back unchanged.CONTINUE THE WORK: If you recognize yourself in something from this episode, don’t leave it unresolved. If you want more depth and the full archive: Join the BFTB Patreon → https://patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineYou’ll get:☆ Weekly bonus episodes☆ Consciousness Stream☆ Archetypal tarot + astrology forecasts☆ Full ad-free archive accessIf you want to actually work through it: Use MOODS → https://app.moods.world/ MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you.  If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS.See you inside.

On May 8, 2026, the government released 162 files under what’ it’s calling the PURSUE initiative (the Presidential Unsealing and Reporting System for UAP Encounters). While the mainstream media is obsessing over infrared videos and propulsion specs, I believe they’re missing the most important part of the story.In this episode, we’ll take a look at why “disclosure” is being used as a massive distraction and how to handle the end of the world as we’ve known it. It’s time to move past the materialist toddler phase – this belief that reality is just a collection of dead machines - and looking at the ontological gap between government data and your actual human experience.What we discuss in this episode:The 162 PURSUE Files: Why the focus on "nuts and bolts" of it all is a false flag designed to harvest your fear and attention.The Death of the Materialist Worldview: Why Richard Dawkins’ sudden surrender to AI consciousness is the final nail in the coffin for the old scientific paradigm.The Vegas Dome: Why our reality is starting to look more like a controlled performance than a natural horizon.The Mask of the Mystic: How to utilize the survival strategies of Hildegard of Bingen and St. Teresa of Avila to protect your inner light in a world that wants to "mark" you for consumption.To listen to the full version of this episode and access my Gnostic survival guide for 2026, join me on Patreon.Lower Tier: Unlock the full "Inner Sanctum" deep-dives.Higher Tier: Includes weekly Astrology and Tarot forecasts to help you navigate these massive energetic shifts.Join here: patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineDOWNLOAD MOODS: Build your own Interior Castle and process the realizations from this episode with a 7-day free trial of my inner work app, MOODS. Get started at moods.world. MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you.  If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS. See you inside.

Part One of a two-part series on madness, psychosis, and the thin line between breakdown and revelation.Sanity has always come with rules. Speak “correctly.” Show up to work and produce. If you hear a voice, see something other people don’t, or start asking questions that unsettle the people around you, there’s a shift, even if it’s subtle. Concern arrives, then usually a diagnosis. Then the extreme pressure to “return to normal” as quickly as possible.In this first installment, I begin with Friedrich Nietzsche’s mental breakdown in the streets of Turin and follow the history of madness through asylums, psychiatry, mysticism, and depth psychology. We look at depersonalization, hearing voices, spiritual emergency, and the long record of human beings crossing into states of consciousness that modern culture has little patience for.Much of what we call sanity is actually more like “social fluency.” Knowing when to smile (and when to stay quiet) and how to say “I’m fine” while inside, you’re completely falling apart. Older cultures sometimes treated these states as initiations, while the “modern” West has tught us to treat them as symptoms to suppress.This episode asks who gets to define reality, what forms of perception are welcomed in society, and what happens when unusual experiences are completely stripped of meaning and reduced to pathology/disorder/dysfunction.Featuring Friedrich Nietzsche, Carl Jung, Michel Foucault, Plato, and cross-cultural perspectives on psychosis, mental illness, and the relationship between madness and genius.🜏 CONTINUE THE WORK: If you recognize yourself in something from this episode, don’t leave it unresolved. If you want more depth and the full archive: Join the BFTB Patreon → https://patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineYou’ll get:☆ Weekly bonus episodes☆ Consciousness Stream☆ Archetypal tarot + astrology forecasts☆ Full ad-free archive accessIf you want to actually work through it: Use MOODS → https://app.moods.world/ MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you.  If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS. See you inside.

Your mind wasn’t built for this much input. Every day you’re asked to absorb thousands of opinions, headlines, identities, emotional manipulations, and manufactured realities. You try to stay informed, but most days it just leaves you fragmented and weirdly numb. Then you wonder why you feel anxious as hell and entirely unable to hear yourself think. In this episode, I use the ancient story of the Tower of Babel to explain modern mental fragmentation, social media chaos, AI slop, conformity, branding culture, and the slow loss of inner life. Together, we’ll look at why the world feels so much harder to trust and what it takes to hear yourself again without letting the crowd think for you. If modern life is making your brain feel broken, Babel may explain why. INQUIRY FOR MOODS (OR YOUR JOURNAL): Prompt 1: Visualize yourself standing in an open field. In front of you is a pile of factory-made bricks. Beside it is a pile of rough, natural stones. Which one are you reaching for to build your current life? Pick up one stone. Look at it closely and ask: What part of my true self are you waiting to hold? Prompt 2: Imagine yourself standing at the top of your Magdala tower, surrounded by clashing languages and digital screens. Slowly turn the volume down until you hear one steady note from your own heart. Ask: What step is this note asking me to take next? Prompt 3: Imagine sitting across from your inner Christ, inner Sophia, inner divine feminine, or whatever image of the sacred feels true to you. No words. Just presence. Ask: Without language, how would I show the spark of light I’ve been carrying? And what do I feel from them in return?CONTINUE THE WORK: If you recognize yourself in something from this episode, don’t leave it unresolved. If you want more depth and the full archive: Join the BFTB Patreon → https://patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineYou’ll get:☆ Weekly bonus episodes☆ Archetypal tarot + astrology forecasts☆ Full ad-free archive accessIf you want to actually work through it: Use MOODS → https://app.moods.world/ MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you. If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS. See you inside.

Many of us are realizing that what we’ve been calling “healing” might be the very thing keeping us from real growth and transformation.This episode is a case for letting your inner child die so that you can finally live. We’ll be dismantling some of the concepts around “inner child healing” pushed by modern pop psychology and look at the technical reality of the human spirit. Your history is a like a dead snakeskin, and the only way to the higher branches of the tree of life is to leave the empty husks behind.This is the end of the search for external authority. You are the location of the light. Read the maps left behind for you by the ancients , inhabit your true identity, and stop looking back at the shells you’ve already outgrown.Are you not holy, too? 🕊️WHAT WE EXPLORE: Holiness as Wholeness: Reclaiming the etymological root of the word "holy" (whole/hale/health) and exposing the "purity" narrative of modern religion as an institutional trap meant to keep you in spiritual debt.The Blackmail Economy: Why having absolutely nothing to hide makes you harder to control and sell to.The Chrysalis Theory of Healing: Why your "inner child" is an empty vessel on a lower branch of your tree of life, instead of a permanent resident in your psyche that you need to exert your precious energy negotiating with.Intergenerational Shedding: Breaking the cycles of intergenerational trauma by refusing to inhabit the un-shed skins of your own ancestors.Inquiry for MOODS (or your journal):I recommend taking these prompts to the Oriel or Noesis archetypes inside MOODS.The Root Inquiry: Identify one automatic reaction or "social mask" I use daily. How is this "leaf" currently blocking me from seeing my own light?The Transparency Check: Is there a part of my history I am still hiding in the basement out of fear? What would change in my life if I brought this into the light and made it impossible to use as blackmail against me?The Husk Meditation: Look at my current self-definitions, including my psychiatric labels or trauma stories. Are these the snake, or are they the skin? What happens if I stop trying to "heal" the skin and start inhabiting the life force that has already outgrown it.Resources MentionedBeyond Belief: The Secret Gospel of Thomas by Elaine PagelsThe Gospel of the Beloved Companion: The Complete Gospel of Mary Magdalene by Jehanne de Quillan🜏 CONTINUE THE WORK: If you recognize yourself in something from this episode, don’t leave it unresolved. If you want more depth and the full archive: Join the BFTB Patreon → https://patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineYou’ll get:☆ Weekly bonus episodes☆ Archetypal tarot + astrology forecasts☆ Full ad-free archive accessIf you want to actually work through it: Use MOODS → https://app.moods.world/ MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you. If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS. See you inside.

Your profound feeling of spiritual isolation is the byproduct of the 2,000-year erasure of Mary Magdalene. This episode identifies the deliberate hit job on the manual of the soul and provides direct ways to reclaim your own state of being.We look at why spiritual talk often feels like empty repetition and how rigid religious systems were built on fear to keep you dependent on authority. By exploring the missing pages of the Berlin Codex and the suppressed Gospel of Mary Magdalene, we find a practical system for protecting your own inner light. You’ll learn to recognize the triggers used by your environment to take your focus and how to stay present as a witness. This is a look at the rivalry between Mary and Peter and the calculated decision to prioritize power over your internal knowledge.In this episode:The deliberate deletion of Mary Magdalene and the damaged Berlin Codex.How to build an “inner witness” to watch your own reactions.Using silence as a shield against daily emotional triggers.The battle for authority and the suppression of direct knowledge.Inquiry for Your Journal or for use within MOODS:1) Pick a recurring trigger like fear or shame. Notice exactly where it hits in your body. Observe the specific story it tells you about your value. Step back and watch the situation from a distance. Write about what you see when you look at the reaction without getting sucked into it.2) Sit in total silence for five minutes. When you feel the urge to check your phone, ask what your body fears about the quiet. Use the silence as a shield. Describe pulling your focus back into your own center and note what remains once the distraction is gone.3) Look for areas where you follow rules or wait for someone else to say you’re right. Identify times you ignore your own knowledge because you’re afraid to be alone. Describe what changes when you stop looking for a boss and act as the steady point in the middle of a storm.🜏 CONTINUE THE WORK: If you recognize yourself in something from this episode, don’t leave it unresolved. If you want more depth and the full archive: Join the BFTB Patreon → https://patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineYou’ll get:☆ Weekly bonus episodes☆ Consciousness Stream☆ Archetypal tarot + astrology forecasts☆ Full ad-free archive accessIf you want to actually work through it: Use MOODS → https://app.moods.world/ MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you.  If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS. See you inside.

Your repetitive trauma cycles are fueling a reality that feeds on you.The mental health industry's focus on disordered brains or biological explanations for your suffering often ignores the truth found in the Gnostic gospels. This episode takes a deep look at how your shame, fear, and trauma serve a system that thrives on your pain.The three faces of the entity that runs this world create the voices in your head. One face is arrogant and thinks he's the center of existence. Another’s a fool who makes you believe lies about your worth. The third face’s completely blind and keeps you numb. Learning the names of these voices strips them of their power.Mary Magdalene’s teachings provide a way to navigate this world. Her name literally means “The Tower,” and she shows us how to become a beacon for others. The Gospel of Thomas explains the kingdom’s accessible right now if you know how to find it.Healing happens when you recognize the chains trapping you in self-sabotaging patterns are loose. You’ve got to be the one to decide to walk away.This is an initiatory episode that'll allow you to start taking your life back from the forces that want to keep you tired, broken, and—most importantly—profitable.It’s time to wake up.🜏 CONTINUE THE WORKIf you recognize yourself in something from this episode, don’t leave it unresolved.If you want more depth and the full archive: Join the BFTB Patreon → https://patreon.com/backfromtheborderlineYou’ll get:☆ Weekly bonus episodes☆ Consciousness Stream☆ Archetypal tarot + astrology forecasts☆ Full ad-free archive accessIf you want to actually work through it: Use MOODS → https://app.moods.world/ MOODS is a private place to take what’s coming up and see it clearly without performing it or involving anyone else. You can try both MOODS and Patreon free for 7 days to see if they’re right for you. If you join Patreon first: You’ll also unlock discounted access to MOODS. See you inside.