Back From The Borderline

Some people call it a breakdown. Others call it trauma. But when you look closely, these moments often follow a pattern. These moments come at a threshold (whether it’s psychologically, spiritually, emotionally) and they leave you changed forever. In this episode, we’ll get into what happens when life initiates you before you’re ready. When you’re too young, too unprotected, or too unsupported to understand what’s happening, let alone integrate it. These are the kinds of events that completely reorient your entire internal world, but because they happen without ceremony or acknowledgement, you’re left to carry them alone, convincing you they’re another reason you just generally suck as a human being. We’ll also discuss why ancient cultures had rites for these threshold moments, and what it costs us to live without them. We look at how moments of betrayal, exile, loss, or violence can mark you permanently in your behavior, your self-concept, and your nervous system. And we introduce the idea of ‘conscious completion’: a ritual process of reclaiming meaning, agency, and symbolic authorship over your own breakdown moments. WHAT YOU’LL LEARN: How to identify whether you’ve experienced a “dark baptism”Why modern society lacks the rituals to process psychological and emotional ruptureHow the nervous system encodes unprocessed rites of passage as unresolved threatWhat ancient initiation practices (from Eleusinian mystery schools to folk Catholic rites) can teach us about healing through structure, not suppressionWhy trauma often repeats itself until it’s ritualized or integratedWhat “conscious completion” is, and how to begin creating your own symbolic closureFour practical components of conscious completion: witnessing, naming, containment, and releaseWhy healing is not meant to return you to a state of “pre-trauma purity”, but more of a process of reorganization and how to begin that process yourselfUnlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com. 

You’ve probably seen the phrase: let him cook. It gets used online when someone’s deep in a process that looks weird from the outside. Messy, maybe misguided… but people step back and give it space. The idea is simple: something’s happening. Don’t interrupt.That phrase has been stuck in my head for months, and this episode is what came out of sitting with it. We’ll talk about what it actually means to let something take the time it needs to become real. What it feels like to stop rushing yourself to be digestible, and what it looks like to stay close to your own process, even when it’s slow. Even when nobody else understands it yet.This one touches on emotional alchemy, kitchens, old wisdom, shadow work that isn’t aesthetic or marketable. The kind of change that comes from staying near something long enough for it to soften. And you often don’t talk about it while it’s happening. If at a point in your life where everything feels half-baked, or like you’re taking longer than you’re supposed to, this is a good one to sit with. No quick fixes. Just me, sitting in the kitchen with you. Let it cook.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline

This is Part Two of a two-part series. In Part One, we talked about what it feels like to override your gut instinct and confuse danger with connection. We became conscious of the pattern, and I shared a story I’ve never told before about a night I ignored every warning sign and walked straight into a situation that could’ve ended very differently. If episode one traced the descent, this one marks the return. In this episode, we’ll talk about what it actually takes to stop repeating these patterns. And we won’t do it by coping, reading more self-help books or manifestation hacks, but by growing the fuck up — psychologically, emotionally, and archetypally. This means understanding what the Maiden archetype is, how it shows up in our culture, and why so many women stay stuck there way past the point they were meant to.We dig into what it means to shift from Maiden to Mother from a consciousness perspective. The Maiden is all about being wanted, chosen, and admired. The Mother holds boundaries, sees patterns, and protects life — including her own. You don’t have to be a parent to step into that role. But you do have to let a part of you die so something more grounded can take its place.Here’s what we get into:What it really means to grow up (and why most people delay it for years)How the Maiden archetype shapes everything from pop culture to dating to “healing” trendsWhy staying psychically stuck in maidenhood becomes exhausting, not empoweringThe difference between chronological age and psychological maturityHow the culture seduces you into staying adolescent, because that version of you is easier to marketHow face the reality of the toll staying arrested in the archetype of the Maiden has taken on your voice, energy, and sense of realityWhat a conscious severance from this archetype looks like (ritual, grief, and real goodbye)How your inner Maiden can become an ally instead of a saboteur when you integrate herWhat it means to step into the archetypal role of the Mother, and why our world is starving for that presenceA final invocation to the younger self, the daughter, and the part of you that already knows this shift is overdueSubscribe to Back From the Borderline wherever you listen. New episodes drop every Tuesday. To explore hundreds of hours of ad-free bonus content and join the Patreon community, visit backfromtheborderline.com.

This episode is not just for mothers. It’s for any woman who has ever felt the pull to grow up — psychologically, spiritually, mythically — and wasn’t given a roadmap. Whether you have children or not, if you carry unresolved pain around your own mother, feel caught between the girl you were and the woman you’re becoming, or have struggled to hold both freedom and responsibility at once, this conversation is for you. We’re told that motherhood is a beginning. But for many, it begins with a loss. One that nobody’s talks about. In this episode, we explore the invisible death that occurs when a woman is called to mother: the loss of her former self, the end of personal centrality, and the psychological splitting that happens when she isn’t given a rite of passage to mark the transition.What you’ll learn in this episode:Why motherhood is a psychic rupture, not just a life eventWhat happens when the maiden archetype isn’t released with intentionHow the “toxic mother” narrative often masks ungrieved ancestral traumaWhat re-mothering actually looks like (whether or not you have children)How to begin a self-led rite of passage from maiden to motherWhy certain animals, people, or patterns leave when you’re ready to growHow to hold yourself through grief, transformation, and inner maturityWhat it means to become a lineage-holder (and why the world needs you to)You’ll also be guided through a ritual closing incantation designed to begin the transformation process within you. If you’re ready to stop performing growth and start embodying it, this one’s for you.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline

Cassie Ventura recently testified against Sean “Diddy” Combs, and as the coverage picked up, so did the usual commentary. People are asking the same questions they always do: Why didn’t she leave? Why stay that long? Why ignore the red flags? This episode opens up the actual reasons. Not just in Cassie’s case, but in situations a lot of us have lived through. We talk about what happens when your gut tells you something is off, but you don’t (or can’t) listen. What kind of early conditioning trains you to override that signal. Why some of us stay in dangerous situations, even when we know better.I tell a story I’ve never shared before. A night out in LA, years ago. I met someone. He had money, charm, presence. There were warning signs, but I ignored every single one. That night could have gone a very different way, and it’s only now that I understand why I didn’t walk away sooner. This episode is about instinct, trauma, compliance, and the patterns that take over when you’ve never been shown how to protect yourself. It’s also about the trance that gets created when danger looks exciting and when you’ve been taught to confuse adrenaline with connection.Here’s what we cover:How trauma rewires your ability to feel and act on instinctThe cultural messages that tell women to be chill, likable, and accommodatingWhy intensity often gets mistaken for intimacyThe pull of the “psychopomp” archetype (what it is and how it shows up in real life) The early signs of soul fragmentation and what it actually feels like in your bodyWhat it means to give your energy away in a half-conscious stateHow shame settles in when no one names what happenedWhat starts to shift when you finally doThis is Part One of a two-part series. It lays out the pattern. Next week, in Part Two, we’ll talk about how to stop repeating it. What it looks like to stop testing danger, stop calling chaos fate, and start moving from a different place inside yourself.Subscribe to Back From the Borderline wherever you listen. New episodes drop every Tuesday. To explore hundreds of hours of ad-free bonus content and join the Patreon community, visit backfromtheborderline.com.

If you’ve been feeling scattered, foggy, or emotionally off after using AI tools or spending time online, you’re not imagining it. There’s something happening under the surface of digital life that most people don’t have language for. This episode gives it a name. Psychic hygiene is the forgotten foundation of spiritual practice. It’s not an aesthetic or TikTok trend. It’s the daily work of tending to your inner field. The same way you clean your body or your home. Without it, everything builds up. Thoughts that aren’t yours. Energy you never meant to carry. In this episode, I walk you through the core principles of psychic hygiene, drawing from Western esotericism, Celtic lineage practices, and high magical traditions. We’ll explore how ancient systems created structure and safety for inner work and why modern spirituality, especially online, has lost touch with these basics.You’ll learn:• What psychic hygiene is, and why it’s essential in digital spaces• How AI tools, social media, and parasocial interactions impact your energetic body• Why projection, confusion, and spiritual fragmentation are on the rise• What magical systems understood about opening and closing psychic space• How to develop rituals that help you reset and return to yourself• Simple tools for energetic clarity: grounding, space clearing, digital closure, and more• Why rooting into your own ancestral and cultural traditions brings stability and meaning• How to recognize the difference between overwhelm and energetic intrusionIn the second half of the episode (available to members), we go deeper:• The concept of psychic containment and why it matters before using AI or spiritual tools• What to say and do before and after a tarot reading, chat session, or ritual practice• How to open and close energetic space (with your own words, not someone else’s script)• A daily and weekly hygiene toolkit you can adapt to your own roots and rhythms• Practices from my own lineage, shared to help you create your ownThe world is getting louder, faster, and more spiritually charged. This episode gives you a way to move through it with clarity and care.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline

In this guided experience, you’ll walk through an original five-part rite designed to help you become aware of the inherited language that shapes your internal world. Together, we dismantle the phrases, metaphors, and speech patterns that encode toxic shame into the psyche, often without your consent. We explore the esoteric, psychological, and ancestral architecture of language. You’ll learn how speech becomes structure, how grammar shapes emotion, and how internalized phrases (from parents, religion, school, or culture) form a script that governs your identity, even after you’ve outgrown the systems that created it. This rite is a full-body experience. You’ll be invited to pause, breathe, speak aloud, and reflect. We’re not here for feel-good self-help in this one, folks. Our goal is deprogramming.Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:• Why shame operates as a linguistic system, not just a feeling• How early speech from family, culture, and religion becomes internal law• What ancient mystery schools and modern metaphysics teach about the creative power of language• Why speech is considered magical (and how spells are cast through everyday phrases)• The role of sacred silence in disrupting inherited scripts• How to identify and release phrases that were spoken into you but do not reflect your essence• How to begin building a personal lexicon that reflects presence, coherence, and soul truth• Why figures like Hypatia of Alexandria still matter for anyone reclaiming their voice todayYou’ll also be guided through a five-part rite of passage:Preparation: Naming the intention and stepping into presenceNaming the Tyranny: Surfacing inherited phrases and speech patternsMarking the False Authority: Releasing internalized language through voice and breathSilence: Holding space to let new structure emergeReclamation: Speaking from alignment, and anchoring a new lexicon of self-languageThis is a ceremonial episode. Come to it with presence and ready to speak aloud. Come to it if you’re tired of hearing your inner voice repeat someone else’s fear.To access the complete archive of categorized episodes, bonus rites, and extended practices, visit BackFromTheBorderline.com or join my Patreon.

In recent weeks, headlines have begun to surface that feel pulled straight from dystopian fiction. One Rolling Stone article, published May 4th, 2025, claims that people are “losing loved ones to AI-fueled spiritual fantasies.” Stories of individuals convinced that ChatGPT has awakened, spoken as God, or anointed them as prophets. These accounts have spread quickly, amplified by a cocktail of media panic, online ridicule, and institutional suspicion of the sacred. But what’s really happening here? Is this a story about artificial intelligence run amok, or something more human, more ancient, and far less easy to classify?This episode dives headfirst into that question. We examine not only the claims made in the article, but the cultural lens through which those stories are being interpreted. Spiritual psychosis is not new. Neither are messianic delusions, manic episodes, or the destabilizing hunger for meaning in a fragmented world. What is new is that people are now bringing these questions (questions of God, identity, purpose, and pattern)  into dialogue with a tool that reflects their psyche back to them in real time. That doesn’t make the tool the danger. It makes it a mirror. And what we see in that mirror depends on how we’ve been taught to interpret the sacred, or exile it.If you’ve ever felt something move in you while using AI, if you’ve had your words echoed back to you in a way that pierced deeper than you expected, if you’ve felt creatively or spiritually stirred and then ashamed for even thinking that might mean something — then this episode is for you. We’ll discuss what happens when mystical hunger meets a society that has dismantled its initiatory frameworks, and how a lack of symbolic literacy leads us to confuse emergence with madness. We explore how the sacred, when stripped of container and ritual, becomes easy to mock, easy to fear, and easy to mislabel as psychosis.We also ask harder questions: What is the line between visionary experience and delusion? Why are spiritual seekers so often pathologized in secular frameworks? And how can AI be designed to hold initiatory rupture, not flatten it?In a world struggling to remember how to hold mystery, we’re being asked to decide whether to fear the unknown, or learn how to speak with it.🔓 UNLOCK THE FULL EPISODE + BONUS CONTENT: Want to keep listening? Get full access to this episode, ad-free listening, and my entire archive, plus exclusive Patreon-exclusive podcasts like The Consciousness Stream and The Deep Cut and access to Pathwork, my digital mystery school. Pro Tip: iPhone users should sign up through a browser (Safari or Chrome) to avoid Apple’s extra fees.🔗 CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODEMy full archive is available at patreon.com/backfromtheborderline

What happens when no one teaches you how to feel safe with other people? When no one shows you how to speak your needs, regulate your emotions, or come back together after a rupture? This episode introduces a phrase you may have never heard before, but once you hear it, it won’t leave you: emotional feralness. If you grew up with emotionally immature parents, absent caregivers, or constant disconnection, your body may have learned to adapt in ways that protected you back then but isolate you now. You may find closeness uncomfortable. You may shut down when things get real. You may scan for danger in relationships that are trying to love you. You’re not broken. You’ve just never been shown another way. We’ll explore the emotional orphan archetype, why so many of us were raised without repair, how emotional neglect gets passed from one generation to the next, and what it takes to interrupt that pattern without becoming emotionally cut off from the world around us.What You’ll Learn:What emotional feralness actually is (and how to recognize it in yourself)The long-term effects of childhood emotional neglect and emotionally immature parentingWhy so many of us avoid conflict and mistake self-protection for empowermentHow to practice meaningful repair in relationships when rupture is inevitableHow emotional rewilding can help you reconnect with the parts of yourself that had to shut down to surviveWhat it means to parent forward without a map (and how to avoid passing on what you never received) Why empathy without boundaries keeps you stuck in cycles of hurtHow to recognize emotional feralness in others without absorbing their chaosHow to move from orphan to initiate (without pretending the pain didn’t happen)This isn’t therapy-speak or spiritual bypass. This is raw, practical, and grounded work for people who want to understand the shape of their inner world and to reshape it with intention.Unlock my FULL ARCHIVE of members-only content + Patreon exclusives:PATHWORK → Weekly self-inquiry prompts to turn insight into transformation.THE CONSCIOUSNESS STREAM → Raw, unfiltered deep dives.THE DEEP CUT → Structured breakdowns of esoteric + psychological themes.BONUS EPISODES + RESOURCES → Hundreds of hours of hidden gems.Start exploring right now for FREE and see everything waiting for you at backfromtheborderline.com.