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Premier League football returns as Ashwood City take on Crystal Palace in Matchweek 1 of the new season. With COVID-19 restrictions in place; Dartley Park remains closed to the fans. Chief Executive Patrick Nolan's endeavours to increase matchday revenue for the club lead him to a fan engagement initiative using cardboard cutout selfies to attend the fixture.


Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall

Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison


John Brannoch as Colin Walsh  

Rachel Teate as Karen

Lucinda Shaw as Christine Williams

Matt Jansen as himself


Additional Voices

Joel Emery


Directed by:

Adam Jarrell

Episode written by:

Joel Emery

Edited by:

Adam Jarrell

Executive Producer:

Joel Emery


With thanks to:

The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders

www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.

This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. 

Listener discretion is advised.

The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.  

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