Elizabeth Gilbert became a worldwide phenomenon with Eat, Pray, Love, a memoir about finding herself after heartbreak, but in this interview she tells Julia Samuel her story didn't end on the final page.
Despite years of talking therapy, extraordinary success and profound self-awareness, she continued to find herself caught in destructive relationships, searching for someone who could finally make her feel safe.
In her new memoir, All the Way to the River, Elizabeth Gilbert writes about her relationship with Rayya Elias, the great love of her life, whose addiction and eventual death brought them both to devastating places. She speaks openly about identifying as a sex and love addict, the difference between understanding our behaviour and actually changing it, and how her desperate need for love and connection led her to abandon herself.
Together, Elizabeth Gilbert and Julia explore the childhood experiences that shape our relationships, why we can become addicted to emotional intensity, and the difference between feeling good and genuinely being well. Elizabeth also shares the painful reality of grieving Rayya, the shame surrounding love addiction and how recovery has taught her to set boundaries, stop people-pleasing and begin caring for the younger parts of herself.
This is a powerful conversation about love, obsession, grief and recovery, and what it really takes to stop looking to other people for the safety and belonging we need to find within ourselves.
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Looking for therapy? Julia runs the Samuel Therapy Practice alongside her daughters, Emily and Sophie. If you're looking for support or help finding the right therapist, visit www.samueltherapypractice.com.
Support resources:
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction
03:21 Elizabeth Gilbert on sex and love addiction
07:13 Why understanding your behaviour isn't enough to change it
11:20 How do you recognise addiction?
16:14 Childhood wounds and the fear of abandonment
20:26 Elizabeth's relationship with Raya and the dangers of addiction
25:06 When love becomes destructive
29:45 Why sex and love addiction remains a taboo
33:05 Recovery, honesty and learning to see yourself
34:47 The difference between feeling good and being well
42:01 Grieving Raya and questioning how we grieve
48:00 Learning to put yourself first in recovery
55:30 Spirituality, surrender and finding peace
1:02:38 Mother/Daughter Reflection: Love, addiction and emotional sobriety
1:08:36 Why self-awareness alone isn't enough
1:13:33 Why healthy relationships can feel boring
If you found this conversation helpful:
You may also enjoy Julia's conversation with Rosanna Brown, exploring profound grief, the impact of bereavement on family life and finding a way forward after tragedy.
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Guest: Elizabeth Gilbert
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
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