Can we ever stop trying to earn our parents' approval? Gyles Brandreth joins psychotherapist Julia Samuel to discuss grief, being “too much” and happiness.
Broadcaster, author, former MP and much-loved television personality, Gyles Brandreth, joins Julia for a revealing conversation about childhood, grief, the need for approval and what it really takes to live a happy life.
Known for his extraordinary energy, colourful jumpers and endless stories, Gyles Brandreth has spent a lifetime entertaining people. But beneath his public persona, he reveals something he has only come to understand in recent years: how much of his life has been shaped by his desire to fulfil his father's ambitions. From his time at the University of Oxford to his political career, Gyles reflects on the childhood expectations that continued to influence his decisions long into adulthood.
Gyles Brandreth also opens up about the deaths of his parents, the impact of his sister's mental illness and his realisation that his mother may have experienced depression. He discusses the painful experience of losing his parliamentary seat in 1997, the failures he rarely speaks about and how a friendship with psychiatrist Dr Anthony Clare helped him develop his Seven Secrets of Happiness.
In a particularly revealing exchange, Julia challenges Gyles to consider why he feels the need to fill every silence, whether his constant talking might be connected to a deeper need for love and approval, and what happens when he allows himself to stop performing. Gyles reflects on his desire for applause, his fear of being too much for other people and the surprising difficulty of simply being himself.
Together, Gyles Brandreth and Julia Samuel explore how childhood experiences shape our adult identities, the relationship between achievement and self-worth, and why happiness may have more to do with connection, curiosity and learning to listen than we realise.
Chapters:
00:00 – Introduction to Gyles Brandreth
03:11 – The impact of political rejection, grief and finding happiness
08:11 – How childhood shapes our ambitions
10:32 – Living out his father's dreams and expectations
13:47 – Why Gyles feels the need to keep talking
17:07 – Are we lovable without achievement or approval?
23:51 – Dealing with failure, disappointment and regret
28:13 – Grieving his parents and learning to accept setbacks
31:44 – Why silence can feel uncomfortable
34:13 – Growing up around mental illness and understanding therapy
37:09 – The childhood experiences behind his optimism
39:50 – The seven secrets of happiness
43:09 – Being yourself versus being present with others
46:18 – Gyles asks Julia for another therapy session
47:35 – Mother/Daughter Reflection: Can we change our personalities?
53:22 – How parental expectations shape our adult lives
01:00:27 – The difference between optimism and forced positivity
Join Julia, Emily and Sophie for a special live Therapy Works event in London on 7th December, exploring how to navigate the challenges of Christmas. Book your tickets here.
If you found this conversation helpful:
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Guest: Jess Mills
Producer: Georgie Rutherford
Executive Producer: Emily Leahy
Video Producer: Darren Michael
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