Comparison: A Competition That Never Ends
You are listening to the official Aramesh Ajami's Podcast.
Imagine waking up one morning in a fairly good mood.
You pick up your phone and spend a few minutes scrolling through social media.
One of your friends is traveling.
Another shares news about a career achievement.
Someone shows off their new home, while someone else posts a picture of their flawless appearance.
A few minutes later, even though nothing has changed in your real life, you suddenly feel as though you've fallen behind.
For many people, this experience feels all too familiar.
The human mind naturally compares itself to others. Social comparison can sometimes help us better understand our position, performance, or direction.
So the goal is not to claim that every form of comparison is harmful.
The problem begins when comparison becomes the primary measure of our self-worth.
In upward comparison, we measure ourselves against someone who appears to be ahead of us in a particular area.
Sometimes this can be inspiring. But it can also create feelings of inadequacy, especially when we ignore the very different circumstances that shape each person's life.
In downward comparison, we compare ourselves with someone who is facing greater difficulties. This may provide temporary relief, but if our self-esteem depends on being \"better off\" than others, it is unlikely to remain stable.
Social media has made comparison even more complicated.
We often compare our entire lives, including our exhaustion, worries, and ordinary days, with carefully selected highlights from someone else's life.
In other words, we compare our behind-the-scenes with their showcase, and then wonder why the comparison feels unfair.
Some research has found an association between social comparison on social media and lower self-evaluation. However, this effect is not the same for everyone or for every type of social media use. The type of comparison, individual characteristics, and the way people use social media all play an important role.
But social media isn't the only source of comparison.
Comparison also happens within families, at school, in the workplace, and among friends.
\"At your age, they had already reached this position.\"
\"Your friend is more outgoing than you.\"
\"Why can't you be more like your sister?\"
Hearing these kinds of statements repeatedly can pull a person away from their own unique path.
Instead of asking, \"What truly matters to me?\" they begin asking, \"How can I avoid falling behind everyone else?\"
But life is not a race where everyone starts from the same starting line.
People have different resources, experiences, personalities, health conditions, family support systems, and opportunities.
Comparing outcomes without considering these differences is like comparing two plants, one that grew in fertile soil with plenty of sunlight, and another that spent years struggling just to reach the light.
There is no complete escape from comparison because the mind will probably continue doing it.
What we can change is our relationship with comparison.
First, notice the moment you're comparing yourself.
Instead of immediately concluding, \"I'm falling behind,\" simply tell yourself:
\"My mind is comparing right now.\"
Giving the experience a name creates a little distance between you and the thought.
Second, remind yourself that your information is incomplete.
\"I don't know this person's full journey, circumstances, or the price they've paid to get here.\"
What I see is only a small part of reality.
Third, turn envy or disappointment into useful information.
Sometimes what attracts us in another person's life reveals one of our own hidden desires.
Instead of criticizing yourself, ask:
\"What exactly is it about this person's life that appeals to me?\"
Freedom?
Skill?
Security?
Meaningful relationships?
Then consider how you can build your own version of that, one that fits your own life.
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