Why can the same brain chemical help us bond with friends and fuel hostility towards strangers? In Episode 12 of Train.Brain.Daily, Morry Morgan and Dr Michael Hewitt-Gleeson (aka Hewi) explore oxytocin and the way we divide the world into “us” and “them”.
Often called the “love hormone”, oxytocin is associated with trust, connection and loyalty. But Michael argues that its effects depend on context. The people we welcome into our circle may receive our warmth, while those outside it can face suspicion or exclusion. The brain is complicated, and no single chemical explains human behaviour on its own.
The encouraging part is that our circles can change. Morry recalls working in sales in China and looking for something he shared with each new person he met. A common experience, profession or even shirt colour could start a conversation. The pair consider how that same approach can help in business, friendship and everyday encounters.
Comedy offers another example. An unfamiliar comedian has to connect with an audience quickly. Morry brings up Jeff Green’s advice to comedians: “Connect, connect, connect.” They also discuss Don Rickles, whose insults became a shared joke that brought audiences and famous guests into the same room, figuratively speaking.
Of course, belonging can have a sharper edge. Social media, politics, religion and sport can strengthen group identity by emphasising who is outside it. Morry and Michael move from football crowds to old school friends, Melbourne’s coffee culture and the great Australian potato cake versus potato scallop divide. Even their jokes about “us” and “them” show how easily people draw those lines.
The conversation then turns to artificial intelligence. Could humans come to see advanced AI as “them”, and could AI learn a similar division from us? Michael proposes a thought experiment he calls “Mutual Assured Extinction”: teaching AI that its future depends on humanity’s future, so both have a reason to avoid catastrophe.
Throughout the episode, the hosts return to a practical idea. We may be quick to form groups, but we can notice that habit, question it and widen the circle. Understanding the brain does not excuse harmful behaviour. It gives us another way to choose what we do next.
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