Nobody taught them what they feel.
because nobody ever sat with them and said: that feeling in your chest? That's anger. That one? That's sad. That one? That's love. That one? That's excitement. /
Andy Baker made a point in this week's episode that I haven't been able to shake.
If a child doesn't know they're getting angry…they can't stop themselves from hitting. If nobody described their emotions when they were small, they're not choosing to be dysregulated.
They literally don't have the words or understand.
He compared it to potty training. You wouldn't punish a child for accidents if they couldn't feel they needed the toilet. You'd watch for the jiggles.
You'd help them connect the feeling to the action.
That's what good residential care looks like. Watching for the jiggles.
🎙️ The Kindness Code with Andy Baker — author of Targeting the Positive
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