The Parts We Hide
A Shadow Work Therapist On Coming Out, Rebuilding, And Living Honestly Later In Life
Guest: Kenny Whitelaw-Jones — shadow work psychotherapist
Trigger Warning
This episode touches on sensitive topics including sexuality and childhood sexual abuse. Please be aware before listening.
Episode Description
Kenny Whitelaw-Jones is a shadow work psychotherapist. He is also a man who spent decades building a persona — a version of himself he thought he should be — before the reality of who he actually was became impossible to keep pushing down.
In this conversation, Kenny explains what shadow work is and where it comes from — the Jungian idea that we all arrive in the world as a full personality, and gradually learn which parts of ourselves are not OK with the people around us. Those parts don’t disappear. They go underground, fester, and come out sideways — as compulsive behaviour, as patterns in relationships, as the version of us that jumps up and grabs the wheel when we’re not paying attention.
He also talks about why standard talking therapy didn’t work for him, and what he found in shadow work that one session in — a level of change and insight that years of talking had never produced. About being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and the confusion that left behind. About the midlife reckoning that brought everything to the surface. And about coming out as queer in his 40s, after a marriage and a life built around a different story.
Kenny also talks about the bus metaphor that Dom takes away from the conversation — the idea that we spend most of our lives driving the bus, competent and adult and apparently in control, while at the back sit all the earlier versions of us, waiting for their moment to grab the wheel. It’s a frame that anyone who has lived enough life will recognise.
Timestamps
00:00 We’re All Messy Human Beings. Mine Had a Sexuality Flavour.
01:52 Talk Ten — Quickfire Questions with Kenny
03:37 What Is Shadow Work?
05:57 When Parts Go Underground — What Happens to Them
06:25 How Repressed Anger Comes Out Sideways
07:48 The Shadow Isn’t Just Darkness
09:16 What Triggers You, What You Do Compulsively
10:21 When Shadow Work Is Most Needed
12:00 How We Choose Partners
14:00 Shadow Material in the Workplace
15:30 Your Boss Is Often Your Parent
18:00 The Bus Metaphor — Who Is Driving Right Now?
20:00 What Shadow Work Actually Involves
22:30 Separating Facts From the Stories We Tell Ourselves
28:06 What Brought Kenny to Shadow Work Himself
29:10 Childhood Sexual Abuse — What It Left Behind
30:35 One Shadow Work Session is all it took
33:00 The Midlife Reckoning
35:00 Coming Out as Queer in His 40s
37:00 The Marriage
41:00 Rebuilding — What Life Looks Like Now
45:00 The Friends Who Knew Something Was Wrong
47:24 What He Would Say to Someone Suppressing Their Sexuality
47:40 Dom’s Closing Reflection
About Kenny Whitelaw-Jones
Kenny Whitelaw-Jones is a shadow work psychotherapist working with individuals on the parts of themselves they have repressed, denied or tried to wish away. His first degree was in psychology. Following his own midlife reckoning and transformation through shadow work, he trained as a shadow work and depth psychology practitioner.
Kenny works one-to-one with clients and is based in the UK.
You can find Kenny at
1:1 therapy — DEEP PROCESS PSYCHOTHERAPY
Resources
If this episode has raised issues for you around sexuality or childhood sexual abuse:
Galop — LGBT+ anti-abuse charity: 0800 999 5428 — galop.org.uk
NAPAC (National Association for People Abused in Childhood): 0808 801 0331 — napac.org.uk
Samaritans — free, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week: 116 123
All previous Torque episodes available at
Some Episodes to try
From Patrol To Podium - Torque | Acast
Debunking Sleep Myths - Torque | Acast
Lessons From A Father's Influence - Torque | Acast
Diving Into Olympic Pressure - Torque | Acast
What Makes A Man? Part 1 - From Anger to Understanding, A Journey of Growth - Torque | Acast
","author_name":"Dom Fiore"}