What Every Man Needs To Know About The Menopause But Is Afraid To Ask
At any one time in the UK, 13 million women are going through perimenopause or menopause. That means every man listening to this knows someone affected by it — right now, or at some point in their life.
Joe Warner is the former editor-in-chief of Men's Fitness magazine and the author of Burning Up, Frozen Out — a book written specifically to close the biggest gap in the menopause conversation: men.
In this episode, Joe talks about what led him to write the book, why men so often make things worse without realising it, and what it actually looks like to be a useful partner during this stage of life.
Dom and Joe cover communication, the talk triangle, how to stop arguments escalating, the chapter on men's own midlife experience, the second mountain, the friendship gap many men fall into, and why strength training matters for both partners in midlife.
Also in this episode: couples psychotherapist Ambika Shekhawat on why women so often initiate couple therapy during this stage of life, and what men can do to better understand what's going on.
Plus Joe's Torque Ten quickfire questions.
Joe Warner Links
Website: hotflushcoldshoulder.com
Instagram: instagram.com/joewarneruk
Get the book: https://geni.us/4nQ1g
Ambika Shekhawat Link
KEY HIGHLIGHTS
00:42 Trigger Warning
00:54 13 Million UK Women — Why This Matters to Every Man
03:34 What Led Joe to Write This Book
06:17 Did Joe Face Resistance as a Man Writing About Menopause?
09:34 Is There a Generational Difference in How Men Understand This?
13:00 Why GPs Aren't Trained Well Enough on Menopause
16:00 Why Bringing a Male Partner to a GP Appointment Changes the Outcome
18:01 The Individual Nature of Symptoms
20:00 “Her Bullshit Buffer's Gone” — A Reframe for Men
21:34 Equity, Not Equality
22:27 Feeling Invisible — and Menopause as “The Second Spring”
24:02 Revolving Together, Not Apart
26:49 The Talk Triangle — Timing and Location
28:33 How to Stop Conversations Going Wrong
29:38 What a Hostage Negotiator Taught Joe About De-escalation
31:43 “You Always” vs “I Feel” — How We Talk About Needs
35:00 Dom's Own Experience
37:43 The Chapter on Men in Midlife
39:49 David Brooks and the Second Mountain
43:00 Two People, Both Lonely in the Same House
45:00 The Friendship Gap — What Men Leave Behind
48:00 Reframing Vulnerability as Availability
49:01 Strength Training — Why It Matters for Both Partners in Midlife
53:25 Why Women Often Initiate Couple Therapy in Midlife
55:04 How Couples Can Better Prepare
58:18 Men, Mothers, and Connecting the Dots
01:00:10 Dom's Reflection on His Own Mother
01:01:08 Help vs Support — What Men Can Actually Do
01:03:17 Torque Ten — Quickfire Questions with Joe Warner
01:07:14 Dom's Takeaway
01:07:46 Next Episode — Andrew Bernard on Masculinity
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