In this episode of Sisters in Sobriety, Sonia is joined by Amber Trejo, a licensed marriage and family therapist and certified clinical trauma professional who specializes in complex childhood trauma and the family system. Amber is also a wife and mom of three on her own healing journey, and today she helps Sonia unpack how childhood wounds quietly shape adult life — and what it looks like to move from survival mode into safety, self-regulation, and connection.
Sonia and Amber explore the ways complex trauma can show up long after childhood — through hypervigilance, perfectionism, emotional shutdown, and repeating relationship patterns. They discuss why so many people struggle to even name what happened to them, especially when emotional neglect, invalidation, or silent treatment were normalized.
Amber shares a nervous-system-centered approach to healing, weaving in polyvagal theory, cues of safety versus danger, parts work, somatic grounding, and EMDR. The conversation touches on how trauma lives in both the brain and the body, and why healing requires more than simply intellectualizing the past — it’s about building real capacity for regulation, curiosity, and connection in the present.
In the personal story thread, Sonia opens up about having very few childhood memories, the fear of “making it up,” and the complicated ways trauma can surface later in adulthood, especially in relationships and family dynamics. Together, they connect trauma work to sobriety — exploring addiction as a form of nervous system coping, why white-knuckling often isn’t enough, and how early recovery sometimes means doing whatever it takes to get through the hardest moments with compassion.
This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.
00:00 — Amber Trejo joins Sonia to discuss trauma healing
01:00 — Amber shares her own childhood trauma and path to therapy
03:00 — Trauma resurfacing through marriage and motherhood
04:00 — Complex trauma vs single-event PTSD
05:00 — Emotional neglect as an overlooked trauma wound
07:00 — Why complex trauma shows up most in relationships
08:00 — Sonia’s “grimy breaker” metaphor for trauma patterns
10:00 — Minimizing pain: “but it could be worse”
12:00 — Shame, invalidation, and not trusting emotions
14:00 — Perfectionism as a survival strategy
15:00 — Parts work and inner child healing
17:00 — Intellectualizing vs healing in the body
18:00 — Sonia on missing childhood memories
20:00 — “What if I’m making it up?” as a trauma hallmark
22:00 — Safety and resourcing before deeper trauma work
25:00 — Cues of danger, passive aggression, and hypervigilance
31:00 — Ventral vagal state: curiosity as a sign of safety
33:00 — Addiction as nervous system regulation
38:00 — Alcohol as relief before it becomes the problem
45:00 — Early sobriety: small realistic coping tools
49:00 — Creativity, aliveness, and building daily regulation practices
Amber's Links:
Instagram:
https://www.instagram.com/integrativetraumatherapist?igsh=MWpvdTI5emVyZzU4aA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr
Course for parents with trauma:
https://stan.store/Integrativetraumatherapist/p/-sjwt4r2x
Website:
https://www.theintegrativetraumatherapist.com/
SIS Links
💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen
📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram
🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast
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