You’ve heard the question in the context of other people. When I need you, are you there? That’s the foundation of secure attachment.
But what happens when you turn that question on yourself?
In this episode, Alyssa sits down with Dr. Danica Harris — somatic experiencing practitioner, complex trauma expert, and co-owner of Empowered Healing Dallas — for a conversation about the attachment style nobody talks about enough: the one you have with yourself. Not just whether you trust other people to show up, but whether you trust you.
This isn’t a recap of the attachment quiz you took on Instagram. This is the deeper layer — what it actually looks like to build a secure relationship with yourself, why so many high-functioning women are running on self-rejection without even realising it, and what it looks like to slowly, gently start showing up for yourself in the moments that count.
Alyssa also shares how attending Danica’s somatic retreat in 2023 — and intentionally missing her son’s soccer game to do it — became one of the most pivotal moments in her own healing.
In this episode:
The takeaway: Pick one moment today where you can show up for yourself — not in a grand gesture way, but in a quiet I-heard-you way. Drink the water. Go to the bathroom. Wear something you actually like. Ask yourself what you have capacity for right now. That attunement, practiced over and over, is how secure attachment with yourself actually gets built.
Chapters
00:10 Introducing Dr. Danica Harris
03:40 What attachment actually is — “when I need you, are you there?”
05:19 Turning that question on yourself
06:35 Danica’s journey from relentless self-criticism to self-trust
08:20 The moment at 30 when everything shifted
09:34 Alyssa’s parallel story — codependency and choosing herself
13:07 The conditioning that teaches women to care for others first
18:57 What each attachment style looks like with yourself
21:21 Finding where security already exists before trying to build more
24:30 Attachment styles in a job interview — a real-world example
33:39 Alyssa at Danica’s retreat — and missing the soccer game on purpose
40:47 The comedy show, the Friday night, and the internal negotiation
48:59 Micro moments vs. grand gestures
50:34 Where survival mode still shows up for Danica
52:32 The one thing every strong but struggling woman needs to hear
Connect with Dr. Danica Harris:
Instagram: @theempoweredtherapist
Website: empoweredhealingdallas.com
Apply for Reclaim Your Steady Waitlist — next round 2027
Join Her Steady Circle Membership — first week free
Catch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth
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