Day one of your new regulation routine: you crush it. Gratitude list, meditation, the works.
Day three: your kid wakes up at 5:30 with a fever. The routine goes out the window. Five days later you’re sleep deprived, behind on work, and the other kid is sniffling. And your brain doesn’t say “that’s just life.” It says: it’s ruined. I can’t do this.
So you skip everything for two weeks. And then you start over from day one.
That’s not a willpower problem. That’s the go-go-go crash cycle. And it’s exactly what happens when we turn regulation into a project.
In this final episode of the Q&A series, Alyssa answers the question: is there actually a sustainable way to regulate? Her honest answer — yes, but not the way most people are trying to do it. She shares what she’s done differently over the last few years that has actually stuck, including the moment in 2023 when she went to her husband completely burned out and he said “I thought you liked doing it all” — and what clicked for her in that moment.
In this episode:
The takeaway: Find one small thing this week that makes you feel more like yourself. Something fun, something creative, something that has no purpose other than the fact that you enjoy it. Do it once. That’s it. Not every day. Once. And let that be enough — because letting one time be enough is the practice.
Chapters
00:08 The regulation routine that fell apart on day three
01:39 The go-go-go crash cycle — and why it keeps repeating
03:05 The question: is there actually a sustainable way to regulate?
05:30 Why turning regulation into a project is the problem
06:23 What regulation actually means
08:37 The car pickup line moment — and why deep breaths aren’t always the answer
15:17 Regulation is not managing yourself every second of the day
15:51 Frequency beats intensity
17:28 Stack it onto what you already do
19:31 What to actually check in on — energy, capacity, vulnerabilities
21:48 Regulation can look like blasting your playlist in the car
22:30 Start with the bar — not 250 pounds
25:10 Sometimes regulation means taking something off the list
27:08 Alyssa’s 2023 crash out — “I thought you liked doing it all”
30:24 How dinner hasn’t been her problem for two years
32:16 Making time for friends — two overnights in one year
34:01 Hobbies, Animal Crossing, coloring books, and walks
36:40 Therapy, support groups, and asking for help
42:03 Your homework: one small thing, one time this week
43:18 Regulation means choosing yourself in small ways, consistently
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