You're dating someone new. Things are going well — he's attentive, he texts good morning, everything seems fine. But then he cancels plans twice. Both times with a real reason. And something in you goes quiet.
And then he's sweet again and you feel the pull back in.
So you say it out loud to your friend: isn't this a red flag? And you hear yourself answer: no, it's fine. I think I just have trust issues. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe I'm the problem.
And just like that, you override everything your body was trying to tell you.
Or you go the other way — you spiral. Is this my gut? Is this anxiety? Is this trauma? Am I missing something? And you can't make a decision because you don't trust yourself enough to know which one is which.
In this episode, Alyssa answers one of the most common questions she gets: what is the difference between intuition and a trauma response — and how do you actually tell them apart?
She gets honest about the time she went back to her ex-husband after leaving, how she talked herself into it, and what she was actually being driven by in that moment. She also shares the story of the business coach she hired early on — when she knew it wasn't right, said so out loud, got convinced otherwise, and turned out to be completely correct. Two very different situations. The same pattern underneath.
In this episode:
The takeaway: Next time you feel that knot in your stomach or sense that something is off, don't spiral into which is right or wrong. Just ask: does this feel familiar in a way that's triggering danger? Does that danger actually fit the facts in front of me right now? Is this happening with everyone, or with this specific person in this specific pattern? You don't need the full answer yet. You just need to ask.
Chapters
00:01 Picking up where last week left off — codependency and going back
01:12 This week's question: gut vs. trauma, intuition vs. anxiety
03:34 The dating example — and the moment you override what your body is saying
08:29 Alyssa's story: everything her body was telling her — and why she ignored it
10:07 Going back — and the betrayal that wasn't his, it was hers
11:09 Complex trauma: how stacked smaller moments drove the decision
16:37 How do you actually tell the difference? Step one: know what safety feels like
18:38 Step two: does this feel familiar in a way that's triggering danger?
19:44 Step three: look at the pattern, not just the moment
22:05 When excitement and anxiety feel identical in your body
23:38 The party vs. mob story — same crowd, completely different meaning
24:05 Overcontrolled vs. undercontrolled nervous systems
30:02 When the "is this my gut?" loop is really fear of being wrong
32:15 When shame is wearing the costume of intuition
34:20 What trusting your gut has felt like when it turned out to be right
37:33 The one hill Alyssa will die on: real intuition never leads you toward self-abandonment
40:21 Self-trust isn't always making the right decision
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