⚠️ Trigger Warning:
This episode contains discussions surrounding coercive control, family violence, emotional abuse, psychological harm, victim survival responses, and trauma-informed legal practice.
Listener discretion is advised.
In this deeply important follow-up episode of Dear Divorce Diary, family law barrister Darren Mort and family lawyer Joplin Higgins revisit one of the most confronting and misunderstood topics in family law: coercive control.
Responding directly to a listener message sent via TikTok following their earlier episode on coercive and controlling behaviour, Darren and Joplin unpack one of the most common — and harmful — public questions surrounding family violence:
This conversation explores the reality that coercive control is rarely obvious, rarely isolated, and almost never simple.
Joplin explains that coercive control is not one singular act — it is often a layered pattern of behaviours that can include:
The discussion highlights how difficult coercive control can be to identify, particularly because many victim survivors may not initially recognise the behaviour as abuse themselves.
A major focus of this episode is how lawyers, professionals, friends, and support people can better respond to victim survivors.
Joplin discusses:
The episode shines a light on how sensitive and skilled communication can help identify patterns of coercive behaviour that may otherwise remain hidden.
Darren and Joplin strongly challenge the damaging misconception that victims can “just leave.”
The episode explores:
They explain that leaving a coercively controlling relationship is often the most dangerous period for a victim survivor.
One of the most practical sections of this episode focuses on what supportive friends can do.
Joplin shares examples of trauma-informed support strategies including:
The conversation stresses that support should centre around safety and empowerment — not control or expectation.
If this episode raises concerns for you or someone you know, please seek support from a qualified domestic violence service, counsellor, legal professional, or emergency service in your area.
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