In this episode of Let’s Reconnect, registered psychologist Breanna Jayne Sada explores the psychology of physical punishment, smacking and discipline, and asks an important question: what lesson is your child actually learning when they are hit?
While physical punishment may stop a behaviour in the moment, compliance is not the same as learning. Breanna explains what happens in a child’s brain when their fight, flight, freeze or fawn response is activated, why a frightened brain struggles to learn, and how fear can impact honesty, emotional regulation and the parent-child relationship.
This episode also explores attachment theory and the difference between secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised attachment. Breanna discusses why children need their parents to be a source of safety and security, and how repeated, unpredictable physical punishment can create confusing messages about love, fear and relationships.
Drawing on decades of research into corporal punishment and child development, Breanna discusses the evidence linking physical punishment with increased aggression, poorer mental health, antisocial behaviour and poorer parent-child relationships, as well as why research has failed to show improved long-term behaviour from smacking.
Importantly, this episode is not about judging parents. Breanna explores why many parents return to the discipline strategies they experienced in childhood, particularly when they are overwhelmed, angry or exhausted, and why breaking generational parenting cycles often requires consciously learning a different way.
In this episode:
• Does smacking children actually work?
• Why fear and compliance are not the same as learning
• The fight, flight, freeze and fawn response in children
• Why the thinking brain goes “offline” during stress
• Dan Siegel’s Hand Model of the Brain
• Social Learning Theory and why children copy what we do
• Secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised attachment
• How physical punishment can impact the parent-child relationship
• The connection between childhood experiences and future relationships
• What research says about smacking and corporal punishment
• Connection before correction
• Logical and natural consequences
• Repairing relationships after conflict
• Problem solving with children
• Emotion coaching and emotional regulation
• Positive reinforcement
• Why consistent boundaries help children feel safe
• How parents can repair after getting discipline wrong
Children don’t need perfect parents, but they do need parents who feel safe.
Discipline is about teaching. The goal isn’t simply to stop a behaviour today. It is to help children develop emotional regulation, empathy, accountability, problem-solving skills and resilience for adulthood.
References mentioned:
Dan Siegel’s Hand Model of the Brain
Research by Elizabeth Gershoff on physical punishment and child outcomes
AIFS - What does the evidence tell us about the physical punishment of children
If you are worried about yourself or someone you love, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional.
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1800 RESPECT
In an emergency, call Triple Zero (000).
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