What is a life spent caring for a family worth? Our guest learned an insurer's answer the day it reduced hers to three words: just a housewife. The work of making a house a home can hold enormous value and still be assigned none.
On The ManFlu, host Lucy McAfee talks with Lori Sugarman-Li, a family systems strategist, speaker, and Certified Fair Play Facilitator, about invisible labor, the mental load, and what children learn from watching who carries the work of home. After a 15-year marketing career with Kraft Foods and Four Seasons Hotels and Resorts, Lori shifted full-time into what she calls the economy of care. Her experience eventually led her to Fair Play, the system created by Eve Rodsky, and a new way of thinking about how families talk about household responsibility.
For parents looking for a fair play method for kids, Lori's approach starts with helping children see themselves as participants in family life rather than occasional helpers. She points to research showing that the gender gap begins early, with girls ages 5–14 already doing more unpaid care and domestic work than boys their age. As a mom of two teenage sons, Lori talks about raising boys to share household labor, giving kids meaningful responsibility, and letting them learn through mistakes.
She also shares her perspective on teaching kids chores without allowance, separating household contributions from financial literacy so caring for a family isn't reduced to a paycheck. The bigger goal is not a perfectly folded load of laundry. It is creating more room for equal rest, joy, connection, and responsibility across the family.
Lori's one small shift starts with gratitude. The work of home may still be repetitive and exhausting, but changing how a family sees that work can change how they value it, share it, and show up for one another. Her award-winning children's book, Our Home: The Love, Work, and Heart of Family, carries the same idea to the youngest readers, reframing the everyday jobs of home as acts of love.
Episode Breakdown:
00:00 Welcome And Meeting Lori Sugarman-Li
02:27 The Disability Insurance Denial That Changed Everything
09:51 Rebranding Chores As Acts Of Gratitude
15:52 Resetting Roles After Falling Into Old Scripts
19:43 Equal Leisure Time And Equal Joy
23:18 Building Your Family's Core Values Together
26:22 Matching Kids To Tasks They're Wired For
29:19 Teaching Kids Chores Without Tying Them To Allowance
32:28 Raising Boys To Value Unpaid Care Work
39:22 Letting Kids Learn From Their Own Mistakes
42:59 One Small Shift For Leading With Gratitude
Connect with Lori Sugarman-Li:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ourhomeourpride/
Website: https://ourhomeourpride.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/lori-sugarman-li-50592911
Connect with Lucy McAfee:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucypmcafee
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/lucymcafee
Show Website: https://shows.acast.com/the-manflu
Podcast production and show notes provided by HiveCast.fm