Dear universe, why didn't I just leave?
"Why didn't I just leave?"
Such a simple question for something that can be anything but simple.
This week I'm talking about why strong, intelligent, capable women can stay in unhealthy relationships - and why we need to stop asking "Why did she stay?" and start asking "What was happening that made leaving feel so difficult?"
We're talking love, hope, children, self-doubt, betrayal, the psychology of attachment... and my brief but frankly impressive career as unqualified private detective!
There are husbands behind sofas, feet that really should have been tucked in better, questionable surveillance techniques and some very questionable decisions from yours truly.
But underneath the ridiculous stories is something I wish I'd understood years ago:
Sometimes you do see whats happening. You're just not ready for what seeing it means.
An episode about understanding the woman who stayed, learning to stop judging her - and eventually learning to trust yourself again.
Dear Universe, why didn't I just leave?"
For those people that listen and recognise parts of your own relationship, you don't have to figure out everything today but please consider telling someone who you trust.
If you feel frightened, controlled, threatened or unsafe, you can contact the National domestic abuse helpline (Refuge) on 0808 2000 247.
It's free, confidential and available 24 hours a day.
You can also contact Samaritans on 116 123, free, 24/7, if you're struggling emotionally and need somebody to talk to.
If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
And remember: you don't have to have made a decision about leaving before you're allowed to ask for help.
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