Episode 11 of Fool Me Twice with Brad Oakes and Steve Van Aperen explores the growing problem of online dating scams and the psychology behind how scammers manipulate people into giving away money. The conversation focuses on deception, catfishing, love bombing, and the playbook commonly used by fraudsters to exploit loneliness and trust.
The episode opens with some light conversation during Grand Prix week, which leads Steve to share a story from his time in the South Australia Police when the Formula One Grand Prix was held in Adelaide before the race later moved to Melbourne. While working night shift near the Adelaide street circuit, Steve and his police partner decided to take a police car for a quick lap around the empty track. The fun quickly turned into trouble when Steve lost control and the police car slid sideways into the sand trap, becoming stuck up to the axles. Hoping to avoid embarrassment, they enlisted help from nearby army personnel to tow the car out. Unfortunately the rope was attached to the plastic bumper, which was ripped off as the truck drove away, leaving the damaged police car still buried in the sand. The story sets a humorous tone before the hosts move into the main topic of scams and deception.
Brad and Steve explain that scams are fundamentally built on lies and manipulation. In the case of dating scams, criminals often create fake identities online and pretend to be attractive romantic partners. This process is known as catfishing. Victims believe they are communicating with a real person, when in reality the scammer may be someone entirely different, often operating from overseas.
Steve outlines the typical playbook used by scammers. The first step is love bombing, where the scammer overwhelms the victim with affection and attention to create emotional attachment. Once trust is established, the scammer introduces a backstory designed to build sympathy, such as a sick relative, financial hardship, or travel problems. Eventually the relationship shifts to the “ask,” where the scammer requests money, investment opportunities, or financial assistance.
The hosts also discuss how these scams can continue for long periods, sometimes months or even years, as scammers carefully build rapport with their victims. Even intelligent and experienced people can fall for these schemes because the tactics exploit powerful psychological triggers such as loneliness, trust, greed, and emotional connection.
Brad and Steve highlight the challenges police face investigating these crimes because many scammers operate internationally, making enforcement difficult. They also emphasize that victims are often embarrassed and reluctant to report the crime, which allows scammers to continue targeting others.
The episode concludes with practical advice: never send money to someone you have never met, be cautious of online relationships that avoid video calls or in person meetings, and consider using reverse image searches to check whether profile photos are genuine. Ultimately, the hosts remind listeners that most scams share the same goal: separating people from their money through deception.
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