We recorded a full 41-minute recap of E1 and a full 38-minute recap of E2, and then discovered the sound never existed. So here we are, live from the eyeliner incident, doing two episodes of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 5 in 24 minutes flat because Anne has an appointment.
We're covering E1 \"The Book of More Men\" and E2 \"The Book of Dead Roses\" — which means we're covering a whole lot of Taylor. Taylor skipping the opening desert shot. Taylor skipping the foster care fundraiser that her own storyline is built around. Taylor coming home from The Bachelorette engaged to Doug, the one contestant every single woman told her not to pick. And Taylor telling anyone who'll sit still that Dakota came over and they slept together three times, delivered with the exact energy of a teenager who thinks she's in trouble but also thinks it's a little bit funny.
Plus: Jen hosts the foster care event and brings her foster sister, which was genuinely sweet before Chase showed up and was rude to literally everyone in the building. Jessi, Mikayla and Mayci corner Chase at Dakota's birthday, and he responds by looking Jessi up and down and telling her she looks good — and she smiles. Jace delivers a \"go get another DUI\" and a \"love you, babe\" in the same thirty seconds and we fell a little in love. Layla drops the Shania-and-Chase bomb on Miranda on camera, which we have feelings about. Leanne turns fifty. Whitney and Jen have it out over the phone about Chicago. And we get into the Mikayla news that broke this week about her not coming back.
We only watch week to week, so nothing in here is spoiled past episode two.
Follow us @ShadedRealityPod everywhere. Email: shadedrealitypod@gmail.com. We're on video on Apple Podcasts if you want to see the eyeliner for yourself.
Where the recaps are hot but the shade is cool.
00:00 – Welcome back, our audio died, please respect our grief
01:25 – The eyeliner situation (we're going goth, apparently)
03:00 – Why this is late + we only watch week to week
03:35 – The Mikayla news: she's out, and we all know why
04:45 – Being Taylor's most supportive friend has a limit
05:30 – The custody cases and the failed drug tests
06:15 – Taylor no-shows the opening desert scene
07:05 – A whole storyline about a woman who won't show up
08:30 – Whitney's in New York and headed to Chicago
09:20 – Jen vs. Whitney: the DWTS laugh heard round the world
10:15 – Jessi's face surgery timeline + Taylor is engaged to Doug
11:15 – Dakota shows up and Taylor tells EVERYONE (three times)
12:30 – The switch flips: Emma, Shania, and that face change
13:15 – Layla tells Miranda about Chase on camera. We hated it.
14:40 – Taylor's in love with Ben, plus the mustache lineup
15:30 – If you HAD to pick a husband: Jacob, Connor, or Jace
17:00 – Episode two: Leanne turns fifty and we spiral
18:20 – Jen's foster care speech and her foster sister
19:00 – Chase is rude to every single person at a charity event
19:40 – Mikayla and Jace pack for Chicago
20:00 – Dakota's birthday confrontation: \"well, you do look good\"
21:00 – Jace to Chase: \"go get another DUI.\" Also: \"love you, babe.\"
21:50 – Mayci's lunch ambush + McCall's very religious debut
23:00 – Baby number four or five?
23:55 – \"You wouldn't be here if we hadn't swung\"
24:30 – House hunting with rooms assigned to men + where to find us