Becca Maberly did everything \"right.\" An A-grade student with an obstetrician father, she got to the hospital, had her baby with no pain relief, and was home for lunch - certain she was going to be brilliant at motherhood. Then the postnatal period arrived, and she went, in her words, straight to the bottom of the class.
In this honest, funny and disarming conversation, Becca and Laura pull apart the gap between what we're told motherhood will feel like and what it can actually be. Becca talks about feeling like an unnatural mother, the loneliness of the long hours in between, and the maternal rage that surges from nought to a hundred over spilled milk. She shares the day she asked her GP for help and was sent to a psychiatric unit, only to be handed a leaflet and told to count to ten.
She also names something few people hear about: D-MER, or dysphoric milk ejection reflex - the wave of crushing sadness that hit her at every let-down, which she only understood years later. The conversation moves on through renegotiating a relationship after a baby, a ruptured ectopic pregnancy that nearly went unnoticed, and why Becca now believes the meaning of life is simply finding your own balance. It's a reminder that if you're not loving every moment, you're not failing - and you're far from alone.
From A-grade student to the bottom of the class
Becca sailed through pregnancy and birth, then found the postnatal period the hardest thing she'd ever done — and the mismatch between expectation and reality floored her.
\"Enjoy every moment\" can do real harm
Being told to treasure a stage you are quietly struggling through can leave mothers feeling ashamed and isolated rather than supported.
Not bonding straight away is more common than we admit
Becca loved her son but didn't feel the instant, overwhelming rush she'd been promised — and says a baby can feel like a stranger for a long time.
D-MER is real and rarely talked about
Dysphoric milk ejection reflex brought a homesick, crushing sadness at every let-down; naming it, years later, changed how she understood it.
Maternal rage often comes from feeling unsupported
The nought-to-a-hundred surge over something tiny is frequently about exhaustion, unmet expectations and carrying too much alone.
Asking for help doesn't always get the right response
When Becca told her GP she was angry and shouting, she was sent to a psychiatric unit and handed a CBT leaflet — a reminder of how far perinatal support still has to go.
Talking openly is its own kind of therapy
Ranting honestly online led Becca to realise she wasn't the only one — and connecting with other women became the support she couldn't find elsewhere.
Honesty is the most useful thing we can offer new parents
Not to frighten anyone, but to sit somewhere between \"you'll be great\" and \"this could be the hardest thing you ever do\" — the truth is usually in between.
Becca's platform for honest, unfiltered motherhood
HSE information and support
Talk therapy and counselling options
00:00 — Intro
01:51 — From A-grade student to the bottom of the class
04:00 — Calling BS on \"enjoy every moment\"
04:52 — The feeding nobody warns you about
09:31 — Loneliness and the hours in between
11:58 — The GP, a psychiatric unit and a CBT leaflet
15:13 — D-MER: the sadness that comes with let-down
19:19 — Maternal rage and the spilled-milk surge
22:16 — When your baby feels like a stranger
24:02 — Renegotiating the relationship after a baby
37:11 — Her book, and a ruptured ectopic pregnancy
42:28 — The meaning of life is balance
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