Welcome back to It’s a Scullion Thing – the darkly funny Irish family podcast about chaos, craic, and survival in 1970s West Belfast.
This week’s Scullion saga is one for the ages: the day Michelle Scullion – also known as The Lion-Heart Rat – got hit by a car, knocked clean out of her shoes, and still somehow ended up in more trouble at home than on the road.
Now, if you’re wondering why she’s called the Lion-Heart Rat, here’s the short version: Michelle once stood up to Tommy Scullion, which by Scullion standards made her fearless – hence the Lion-Heart. But the Rat part of her nickname?
You’ll find that out in this episode, and trust me, it’s a story you don’t want to miss.
We kick things off at the bus stop on the Glen Road in West Belfast, where Michelle, her sister Margaret, and their pal Gemma are hatching a plan. Instead of going all the way to school, they’d jump off halfway, pocket the bus fare, and spend it on cigarettes and chewing gum (ah, the 1970s – when shopkeepers sold “singles” to schoolkids and survival seemed more luck than sense).
But chaos comes quickly. Distracted mid-scheme, Michelle steps into the road, does her best Bionic Woman superhero impression, and actually tries to stop an oncoming car with the palm of her hand.
The result? The car ploughs straight into her, sending her flying out of her cardboard-lined, hand-me-down shoes.
You’d think that was punishment enough. But this is a Scullion story. Things always get worse.
Dragged to school battered and shaken, Michelle becomes the centre of attention. Margaret spots her golden ticket out of class – until the teacher ruins it by sending
Margaret back to her desk and Michelle home to Bridie.
Now, here’s where Michelle earns the Rat part of her nickname. Because unlike her siblings, Michelle couldn’t lie to Bridie. Not then, not ever. Faced with Bridie’s questions, the whole rotten truth spills out: the sneaky half-fare plan, the cigarettes, the chewing gum – everything. Sympathy gone. Punishment incoming.
Meanwhile, Margaret’s seething, Gemma’s mammy has already given her a hiding, and Michelle – the one who actually got hit by a car – is about to face Bridie’s wrath.
Only in West Belfast could a day that started with dodging school end with a car crash, a confession, and two different mothers dishing out justice with wooden spoons.
This episode is a perfect slice of Scullion life:
Moral of the story? Don’t be a sneaky wee Milly, don’t try to outwit your ma, and for the love of God – look both ways before you cross the road.
If you love true Irish family stories packed with humour, nostalgia, and just enough madness to make you feel better about your own childhood, then this episode is for you.
So settle in for The Bionic Rat – a Scullion story full of laughs, shocks, and the kind of family chaos only West Belfast in the 70s could produce.
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