Nearly 1 in 4 adults have experienced a period of estrangement from a sibling — and it's more common (and more complicated) than most of us realize. In this episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner unpacks a new study out of Ohio State University that dug into 39 in-depth interviews to understand why adult siblings go no contact.
Leah breaks down the two major forces driving estrangement: parental behavior (favoritism, manipulation, and forcing siblings to "pick sides" after a parent-child conflict) and the sibling relationship itself (destabilizing conduct, safety threats, and childhood bonds that were never really built). She shares personal stories from friends navigating estrangement, explains the concept of family systems and triangulation, and connects all of it back to the mental load — the emotional scanning, relationship repair work, and guilt that estranged (or nearly estranged) families create.
If you've ever felt like your family "doesn't understand your world," or you're carrying guilt about a sibling relationship that isn't what it's supposed to be, this episode offers real permission to step back, set boundaries, and stop measuring your worth by an outdated obligation to stay close no matter what.
Chapters:
00:00 Introduction — sibling estrangement is more common than you think
02:54 The data: nearly 1 in 4 adults have been estranged from a sibling
05:18 Family systems theory and triangulation
07:36 Parental partisanship: favoritism and the "scapegoat" child
09:59 When sibling relationships become collateral damage in parent conflict
12:21 Why some generations never learned to resolve conflict
14:38 Destabilizing conduct, risk containment, and sibling violence
18:15 Absent foundations: when childhood bonds were never built
20:39 How family estrangement fuels your mental load
21:30 Permission to put people on the "periphery" without guilt
23:01 Setting boundaries doesn't make you a bad person
Resources Mentioned:
📄 Research: Rin Resnick, Kane Taurus Beltran, and Candace Cretchfield (Ohio State University) on adult sibling estrangement
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More by Professor Leah Ruppanner
🧠 Free Mental Load Assessment — Lighten Lab (lightenlab.com)
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
Instagram: @lightenlab
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
Don't miss an episode! Subscribe now: /@missperceivedpodcast
About MissPerceived:
MissPerceived is a weekly podcast hosted by Professor Leah Ruppanner, sociologist and author of Drained. Each week, Leah breaks down the gender myths and social systems shaping our lives — from mental load and caregiving to work, relationships, and identity. No PhD required. Just come hang out.
#MissPerceived #FamilyEstrangement #SiblingRelationships #MentalLoad #Drained #ProfLeahRuppanner
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