When someone you love gets a cancer diagnosis, you want to say the right thing — but often, what comes out does the opposite. In this very personal episode of MissPerceived, Professor Leah Ruppanner steps away from the research for a moment to talk about her own recent diagnosis of breast cancer, and the wildly inappropriate (but often well‑intentioned) things people say in response. She shares the five big “please don’t”s she keeps hearing — plus what actually helps when someone is living through cancer or another serious chronic illness.
This isn’t about shaming anyone. Leah talks about the times she’s said these exact things to friends, why they come from fear and grief, and how we can all do better at holding space, dumping love in instead of out, and making it easier (not harder) for the person at the center of the storm.
Chapters:
00:00 Why this episode is different — Leah’s breast cancer diagnosis
02:28 Don’t tell me about someone else’s cancer story (especially the worst‑case ones)
04:36 Why other people’s stories shift the spotlight away from the person who’s sick
05:30 Don’t ask “what stage is it?” or quiz my screening history
06:59 The hidden message in “when was your last mammogram?”
09:22 When my diagnosis triggers your own fear: sharing your medical history
11:25 “I have a good feeling, you’ll be fine” — why that shuts down real feelings
13:46 Questioning medical advice when you’re not the oncologist
16:03 What actually helps: holding space, listening, asking what’s needed
18:14 Learning to slow down, receive care, and feel the collective love
What to say instead (Leah’s script you can steal):
Resources Mentioned:
📘 Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More
🧠 More on the mental load and chronic illness in other MissPerceived episodes
Stay Connected with Leah:
Instagram: @prof.leahruppanner
TikTok: @prof.leahruppanner
Email: getcrafty@audiocrafty.com
Website: https://www.leahruppanner.com
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