In this episode, I grill my colleague, clinical child psychologist Dr. David Wen, on some of the hardest questions I've received from parents of kids and teens with ADHD over the years, including consequences, rewards, privileges, and what the heck to do when your child simply won't listen and doesn't care.
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Dr. David Wen is a licensed clinical psychologist at Hope+Wellness who specializes in working with children, parents, and fathers. He brings clinical expertise and lived experience to his work, supporting dads and parents in showing up in ways that feel meaningful, even in the face of real-world parenting challenges. His approach is grounded in evidence-based therapy and delivered with a style that is warm, direct, and attuned to both parents and children. Learn more: https://www.hope-wellness.com/david-wen-psyd
TIMESTAMPS
00:00:30 Intro – meet Dr. David Wen
00:01:00 Inner calling – why work with kids
00:02:00 Undiagnosed ADHD until grad school
00:03:00 The biting story – learning social norms
00:05:00 ADHD challenges – energy & overload
00:08:00 ADHD & self-esteem – \"I'm the problem\"
00:10:00 Teaching social norms – repetition & rewards
00:12:00 Credit card analogy – making consequences tangible
00:13:00 What if kids don't care about consequences?
00:14:00 Rewards that work – privileges & money
00:16:00 Not earning = learning – reframing consequences
00:35:00 Child enjoys defying you – regulate yourself first
00:37:00 Breaking the conflict pattern – the angry shadow trick
00:39:00 Anxious parents & over-control
00:41:00 Electronics & teens – teaching healthy use
00:43:00 Parenting has no manual – why parents struggle
00:44:00 1-2-3 Magic – best book for parents
00:46:00 Warnings & privilege removal for teens
00:47:00 Teen won't do homework – defiance or something deeper?
00:50:00 ADHD brain sees the gray areas
00:52:00 Get to know your kid – observe & ask
00:54:00 Bond over their interests – why kids listen
00:55:00 Serial killer map – how David's ADHD brain works
00:56:00 Two different brains – parent vs. child
00:57:00 Three S's – Safety, Structure, Support
00:59:00 Amplify the three S's for ADHD kids
01:01:00 #1 tip for ADHD parents – consistency
01:03:00 Be open to medication
01:04:00 Parental intuition – innate or learned?
01:05:00 Natural bond with your baby – myth or real?
01:07:00 Can all parents learn to parent well?
01:09:00 Values-based parenting
01:10:00 Define your values – parenting north star
01:11:00 Outro
PODCAST LINKS
Website: www.innercalling.org
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/innercalling/id1809177408
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4K2khwqNKgs90Hs8vrQenZ?si=ad3d2dbeceab49c4
Podcast Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL_zIrjdevY1Q91PX5woaNtjTDvell1ZJ8
CONTACT DR. VICTORIA HERE
Dr. Victoria Ranade: www.victoriaranade.com
IG: https://www.instagram.com/drvictoriaranade
Hope+Wellness: https://www.hope-wellness.com
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WHAT IS INNERCALLING?
INNERCALLING is a podcast dedicated to the belief that there is a light inside you of profound power, beauty, and wisdom that no darkness can ever overcome. It's a space where mental health meets spirituality, where explore timeless questions about existence, and what it deeply means to be human in this technological age.
Inspired by the field of clinical psychology, which values what happens simply when two people sit together and talk about life and all its beauty and complications, conversations are organic and spontaneous, like jazz.
WHO IS DR. VICTORIA?
Hi there, I'm Dr. Victoria Ranade. I'm a board certified licensed clinical psychologist, writer, and podcaster deeply passionate about mental health, spirituality, existential psychology, and questions related to how to hold onto our humanity in the face of AI and technology.✌🏼💛
I LOVE HEARING FROM YOU. SEND ME ANY MAIL OR QUESTIONS HERE:
drvictoria@innercalling.org
#mentalhealth #drvictoriaranade #innercallingpodcast #drdavidwen
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