A federal judge told Donald Trump that Congress named the Kennedy Center after an assassinated president, not a real estate developer, and it intends to keep it that way. Trump declared victory over Iran; Iran called it fiction; the Strait of Hormuz remains the world’s most expensive group chat. America’s 250th birthday concert collapsed in 48 hours as real artists fled and fictional ones followed — Cap’n Geech, the Hex Girls, Duke Silver, and Rex Manning all drew lines that Vanilla Ice could not. Pam Bondi spent a closed-door congressional deposition pointing at Todd Blanche, walked out, and lied about it on X. A North Carolina Republican filed a bill permitting citizens to shoot women seeking abortions, which means a rapist could legally kill his victim for seeking one. The post-9/11 surveillance apparatus is now monitoring people who attend Tesla protests and take photographs near server farms. Tape rolls.
","author_name":"Jason Thompson"}