Donald Trump went to Beijing and came home empty — no trade deals, no Iran progress, just a Taiwan lecture from Xi Jinping. His acting attorney general, formerly Trump's personal defense lawyer, unveiled a $1.7 billion taxpayer slush fund for presidential allies. Gulf royals talked Trump off a bombing run with a courtesy call. A jury dismissed Elon Musk's OpenAI lawsuit in under two hours. Trump's own ethics filing revealed 3,600 stock trades worth up to $750 million. Mike Johnson called congressional trading an \"extreme sacrifice\" on a $174,000 salary. Kristi Noem secretly freed 19 prisoners without review; twelve reoffended. In Oklahoma, a teen convicted of rape received community service while his victims sat beside him in class. The bill is yours. Tape rolls.