Donald Trump threatened to resume bombing Iran if they didn't sign a one-page war-ending memo, oil crashed to $89, and markets celebrated; he then asked UFC fighter Justin Gaethje whether the war effort was in good shape and accepted \"fantastic shape\" as official foreign policy assessment; the dollar logged its worst six-month slide in fifty years — Trump called it a competitive advantage, economists called it a hidden tax, Americans called it rent; Rep. Nancy Mace subpoenaed a decade's worth of taxpayer-funded congressional harassment settlements, found bipartisan shame and shredded records, and confirmed the fund remains active; Trump asked the Supreme Court to determine whether presidents can defame sexual assault accusers for free while E. Jean Carroll submitted a bill for $7,462,492.74 in interest; a Fort Worth jury sentenced Tanner Horner to death for murdering 7-year-old Athena Strand — she told him her mom said he couldn't; Ukraine declared a ceasefire at midnight and Russia struck a kindergarten by morning. The memo is pending. The math isn't. The kindergarten is gone. Tape rolls.