I don’t always know what I want.
And maybe that’s okay.
Mothering my children, tending to a thousand unseen corners of life.
And yes—I’m guilty too. I’ve told mothers to “self care.”
Always from a loving intention…
But I know it doesn’t always land that way.
Because telling an overwhelmed mother who doesn’t even know what she needs to “just self care”?
That isn’t care. That’s another quiet demand dressed up as help.
In a world that pulls us in every direction,
it’s so easy to lose ourselves.
So easy to reach for something, doom scrolling, coffee, wine, a new dress
because when we feel consumed by all of life’s demands,
our nervous system will reach for the next best thing,
even if it doesn’t truly serve us in the long run.
Every teacher I’ve had on this path of motherhood has offered me the same powerful truth:
We must be with what is, not with what we wish was happening.
Because being present to what is gives us the most honest, grounded information
about where and how we can choose to grow.
Yes, sometimes loving and lighting our way through can soothe us in the moment.
But if we’re always bypassing what aches at the root,
it stops being medicine and becomes avoidance.
It’s like trying to grow a garden by pouring on more water and light, then blaming the flower when it doesn’t bloom, without ever tending to the soil beneath it.
So to every touched-out mama right now:
You don’t need to know what you want in this moment.
You don’t need to perfect your way through motherhood, shed the weight, or shame yourself for reaching for that drink.
Maybe the gentlest thing you can do right now is simply notice:
“How is this in service to the garden of my heart?”
Because true growth isn’t found in the rush to fix or perfect.
It lives in the brave, quiet choice to be here with what is—breath by breath.
Each inhale, each exhale, another brushstroke on the living canvas of your life.
And when we truly see what’s here, without wishing it away, we remember what it is to be beautifully, tenderly, messily human.
If these words stirred something in you, come find me on Instagram where I share the imperfect, sacred rhythm of this human path.
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