Welcome to the 'This Is The North' Podcast, your source of transformative conversations. An intentional challenge to the systems holding back the North of England. Hosted by Alison Dunn.
In this episode, Alison is joined by Andrew Dunsmure, Chair of the Board of Trustees at Tiny Lives Trust, about his personal experience becoming a father at 28 weeks during COVID, when his newborn son was taken into neonatal intensive care with a brain bleed, uncertain survival, and later long-term disabilities. Andrew describes dissociation, the clinical language of early prognosis, and how he was separated from his wife and son for long periods, leaving both parents with very different and isolating experiences.
A later diagnosis of 22q deletion syndrome followed months of uncertainty and multiple medical issues, including a heart operation. Andrew details the wide-ranging impacts of the condition, developmental delays, growth and feeding issues, anxiety, and potential future mental health risks, and shares the pressure to become an expert in his child's care, the \"cliff edge\" many families feel after discharge, and the emotional load fathers often carry while trying to hold their family together.
He recounts a breakdown in his son's second year, reflecting on the lack of spaces for fathers to speak openly, and discusses how he has relied on the gym and meditation while also making difficult decisions about boundaries with family and friends. The conversation explores grief alongside love and joy, celebrating small milestones, and his son's personality and interests, including a love of dinosaurs and learning to walk again after foot surgery.
Andrew argues that dads need to talk more, sharing examples of men staying silent for decades, and redefines resilience as allowing yourself to fall apart and recover. He explains how his lived experience led him to Tiny Lives Trust, first as a trustee and then as chair, and outlines the charity's support for families at the RVI neonatal unit, including psychological and physiotherapy support, family groups, and a dads' peer support group. He closes with advice to be kind to yourself, accept that it's okay to fall apart, and embrace honest, realistic support rather than \"toxic positivity.\"
Timestamps:
00:00 A dad's silent trauma
01:48 Emergency birth at 28 weeks
03:02 Clinical language, survival talk, and dissociation
04:09 ICU, brain bleed, and uncertainty
05:11 Coming home and the cliff edge
05:51 22q deletion syndrome
07:35 Becoming the expert
09:44 The crash in year two
11:37 Finding support and living with grief
14:08 Celebrating millimetres, not milestones
15:57 Why dads need to talk more
17:33 Turning pain into purpose
19:37 What Tiny Lives offers families
21:59 Kindness, realism, and toxic positivity
26:47 How to get support or get involved
This conversation is one of the most honest things we've published. Andrew doesn't perform strength, he describes what it actually costs, and why the silence around fathers in these situations helps nobody. If this reaches one dad who's holding it all together and falling apart at the same time, we hope it reminds you that you don't have to do it alone.
Host: Alison Dunn
Guest: Andrew Dunsmure
This podcast is produced by Purpose Made.
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