Be Kinder to Yourself (Why Self-Criticism Isn’t Helping You Win)
This week, Michelle takes a break from guest interviews to speak directly to something that stopped her in her tracks.
After sending out a listener survey, one result hit hard:
80% of women said they struggle to be kind to themselves.
Including Michelle.
In this solo episode, Michelle unpacks how self-criticism sneaks in, why it feels productive (but isn’t), and how being relentlessly hard on yourself can quietly hold you back — even when you’re achieving on paper.
This isn’t about fluffy self-care or letting yourself off the hook.
It’s about awareness, honesty, and learning how to move forward without constantly tearing yourself down.
00:00 – Why this needed to be said
Michelle explains why she felt compelled to pause guest episodes and talk openly about kindness — and what triggered this realisation.
01:08 – The survey result that changed everything
80% of women said they struggle to be kind to themselves — and why that statistic is both comforting and alarming.
02:41 – Catching the inner voice first thing in the morning
How negative self-talk was showing up before Michelle had even opened her eyes — and why that matters.
03:25 – The ‘holy socks’ analogy
Why we treat other people with more respect than we treat ourselves — and what that says about self-worth.
04:42 – When being “hard on yourself” backfires
Michelle reflects on imposter syndrome in construction and how self-criticism limited her confidence and progression.
06:22 – Building the podcast without trusting herself
Growing a podcast from scratch, hitting big milestones — and still being unable to acknowledge progress.
07:41 – When your worth gets tied to achievement
Why high-achieving women never feel like they’ve “arrived” — and the cost of chasing constant validation.
09:00 – Starting from ‘I am enough’ (without losing your drive)
Insights inspired by Joe Hudson on separating self-worth from outcomes.
09:35 – Fear, paralysis, and second-guessing
How being unkind to yourself fuels procrastination and decision fatigue.
10:45 – The 9-day awareness exercise
A simple but powerful way to notice, track, and challenge self-critical thoughts.
11:58 – Three ways to reframe unkind thoughts
• Acknowledge without agreeing
• Laugh at the ridiculous ones
• Reframe with evidence and context
13:43 – The real cost of self-criticism
Why it doesn’t make you better — just more disconnected, anxious, and distrustful of yourself.
14:58 – Chasing relief instead of alignment
Why achievement doesn’t bring peace if you’re running from fear instead of moving with intention.
16:18 – “My story isn’t good enough”
Why even the most impressive women downplay their journeys — and how common this mindset really is.
17:54 – Living in fight-or-flight without realising it
How self-kindness helped Michelle regulate her nervous system and feel more grounded week to week.
18:43 – A quiet invitation, not a challenge
Michelle encourages listeners to start with one thing: not being unkind to themselves.
19:22 – What’s next with Dare Club
How this work around kindness, alignment, and self-trust is shaping the future of Dare Club.
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