In this episode, Jane and Dr Bonnie Comfort explore what makes love last - from managing desire, resentment, and mismatched expectations to unpacking how porn, childhood, and power dynamics shape our relationships. They discuss why falling in love is easy but staying in love takes daily effort, how to navigate conflict with humor, and what a real apology looks like. Plus, we look at the surprising lessons from ‘Babygirl,’ why people watch porn for more than just pleasure, and whether marriages are truly meant to last.
Dr. Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner, Douglas Covey, MD.
Find out more about Dr. Bonnie at http://bonniecomfort.com.
Check out her book, ‘Staying Married is the Hardest Part’: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/staying-married-is-the-hardest-part-bonnie-comfort/1146385315
Timestamps
00:00 – Trailer
00:38 – Why falling in love is easy, but staying in love is a daily practice
05:41 – Can you change your partner?
08:07 - Managing different desires
11:51 - How our expectations of sex and bodies are shaped by porn
16:35 - Why do people watch porn?
18:53 - What ‘Babygirl’ can teach us about sex and relationships
21:24 - How to work through resentment in a relationship
24:15 - How do childhood experiences impact our relationships?
28:46 – Understanding power imbalances in a relationship
32:25 - How do you know if a relationship needs work, or is fundamentally broken?
35:14 - This is the formula for a great apology
37:19 - Recovering from affairs in a relationship
39:46 - Are marriages meant to last?
43:18 – Here's something a therapist wants you to know
44:25 - What Dr Bonnie wishes was included in sex ed
46:42 – Dr Bonnie’s sexiest song
47:20 – Conclusion
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