What does it mean to grow up in Denmark and still be treated like a foreigner?
In this episode, Derek sits down with Lena Rexhepi, who arrived in Denmark from Kosovo as a nine-year-old refugee in 1999. Now the author of But Where Are You Really From? Foreign There, Foreign Here: From Kosovo to Denmark, Lena shares her story of fleeing war, rebuilding her life, and navigating what it means to belong to two places without always feeling completely at home in either.
Lena opens up about the lasting impact of childhood displacement, the changing political rhetoric around refugees and immigrants in Denmark, and the everyday experiences of racism and othering that can follow you even when you've grown up here, learned the language, and built a successful career.
From having to explain her name in professional meetings to confronting assumptions about her background on dates and at dinner parties, Lena explores how seemingly innocent questions can carry deeper messages about who belongs. She also shares what she genuinely loves about Danish culture, the differences she sees between Denmark and Kosovo, and why identity doesn't always fit neatly into one box.
This is a conversation about migration, identity, resilience, and the difference between living in a country and feeling at home in it.
In this episode:
Lena's memoir is But Where Are You Really From? Foreign There, Foreign Here: From Kosovo to Denmark
Order it here: https://lenarexhepi.com/about-the-book/
Chapters
00:00 Introduction
01:01 Lena's story: From Kosovo to Denmark
02:01 Fleeing the Kosovo War
04:19 Writing about childhood trauma
06:14 Finding refuge in Denmark
09:00 Denmark's changing attitudes toward refugees
11:24 Everyday racism and stereotypes
12:16 Being judged by your background
15:56 The subtle ways we make people feel like outsiders
16:08 Having to explain your name
18:00 Choosing a name that fits in
20:20 How othering affects dating and relationships
23:46 Living between Danish and Albanian identities
24:10 What Lena appreciates about Danish culture
26:07 Danish directness vs. Albanian warmth
29:00 Identity, labels, and the meaning of belonging
32:00 Being told to “go back home”
34:24 Class, privilege, and belonging within Denmark
35:37 What Lena would tell her nine-year-old self
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