In this episode of the Proper True Yarn Podcast, Jimmy Christmas delivers one of the loosest and most unbelievable farm yarns you’ll ever hear, and every word of it is true.
The conversation dives straight into the reality of hiring seasonal workers on a regional avocado farm, where interviews don’t always tell the full story and first days can go wildly off the rails. Jimmy introduces listeners to “Kelvin”, a character inspired by a collection of real-life workers whose behaviour was so cooked it eventually became its own ongoing persona.
What starts as a normal hire quickly turns into chaos when a new worker arrives claiming experience, only to be found hours later completely naked in a cherry picker, metres in the air, scratching himself and blaming allergies to grass, weeds, and leaves. On a farm. Full of grass, weeds, and leaves.
From support buses dropping workers off, to machinery safety concerns, to phone calls at two in the morning explaining why someone is “still itchy” and can’t come back, Jimmy breaks down the genuine challenges of managing staff, staying patient, and knowing when to cut your losses.
The episode also explores broader farming realities, including workforce shortages during COVID, reliance on backpackers and Pacific Island labour programs, language barriers, and why finding ten reliable workers can be harder than running the entire operation solo.
It’s raw, funny, ridiculous, and eye-opening, showing a side of farming most people never see, where you don’t just manage crops, you manage absolute characters.
If you’re into Australian farm stories, wild worksite yarns, regional life, or episodes that make you say “that can’t be real”, this one is an all-time classic.
Loose, honest, and completely unforgettable.
A proper true yarn straight from the paddock.
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