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Jessica Wallace is a Marriage and Family Therapist based in San Francisco, California.
PRACTICES:
Simply say no. For instance, you could say, “No, not today,” or “That won’t work for me,” or “I didn’t like that.”
Find a way to let anger move somatically through your body. For example, shake, jump, run, pound a pillow, sigh, or push energy through your feet.
You don’t always need to process your anger relationally; you can work with it on your own.
Train your anger response in advance by preparing specific sentences. Identify which phrases you’re missing and create them for easy use.
When you notice anger in someone else, you can mirror it back to them. Then, observe if any defenses arise and work with the person to address them.
Reflect on how anger was or wasn’t expressed in your family. As a primary emotion, it likely played a significant role in your childhood.
If you write an angry message, leave it for a while, then revisit it later.
When you are angry, tell the other person, “I’m not going to hurt you.” Be explicit about creating a sense of safety.
Integrate play into situations of anger in creative ways. For example, you could say, “You’re making that angry face! Go take a look in the mirror.” We can approach our emotions lightly, bringing humour to the experience.
When faced with anger, respond with love. This can feel very supportive. You might say, “I love you, I am here.”
If you need to take space, tell the other person, “I need to take space. And I love you, and I’ll be back.”
Start by building awareness of how anger energy shifts in your body. You might begin by recalling a moment when you were angry and noticing what is happening in your body.
Use journaling to explore and notice all the nuanced feelings that accompany your anger.
IDEAS:
Here’s the corrected version of your text:
Anger is one of the core emotions. It is healthy and normal.
To become more true, authentic, free, and integrated, we need to be in touch with our anger.
Anger arises naturally as a response to protect ourselves when a boundary—internal or external—is crossed.
Setting a limit doesn’t have to involve rage.
A world without anger would feel deflated and collapsed.
A distorted form of anger can manifest as violence or self-violence.
Often, sadness or grief is hidden beneath anger.
Culturally, there is significant judgment around anger and angry people. Many feel guilty, bad, or wrong when they experience anger.
When anger is not expressed, it can build up and eventually explode.
Friendships can deepen when anger is allowed to be expressed.
Anger is a legitimate emotion. Just as we don’t typically question positive emotions by asking, “Why are you feeling that way?” there’s no need to ask “why” when someone feels angry.
Our early relationships shape how we relate to the world, creating object relationships where people or things represent those early connections. This can result in misdirected anger.
By addressing the internal relationship and the associated grief, we can liberate ourselves—focusing on the root cause of the pain.
Our memories are always accessible, as they reside within our bodies.