A professor's (Benedict Cumberbatch) chats with a student (Pete Davidson) help him realize something about himself.
https://snltranscripts.jt.org/16/office-hours.phtml
Mr. Buckley… Benedict Cumberbatch
Chad… Pete Davidson
Mikey Day
[Starts with Mr. Buckley and Chad talking in the school office]
Mr. Buckley: You know, that’s alright. Um, I do think that is what they kind of intended. For instance, people who speak exist. You and I are speaking, therefore you and I…
Chad: Exist?
Mr. Buckley: Congratulations. You just used your first Cartesian Logic.
Chad: Okay.
Mr. Buckley: You know, I do hope you continue to drop by, Chad. I really quite enjoy our visits.
Chad: Okay.
[Mr. Buckley and Chad shake their hands.] [Mr. Buckley leans forward to kiss Chad]
Chad: No thanks.
Mr. Buckley: Oh, I’m so sorry. Um, that was unbelievably inappropriate behavior Chad. I apologize. I just– I- I- I misread the moment.
Chad: Okay.
Mr. Buckley: I mistook your frequent visits here to mean something more.
Chad: Oh, my bad.
Mr. Buckley: No, it’s not your fault at all. Truth be told, I’m not being myself up late. [Stands and walks looking away] And this weekend, I’m getting married to a beautiful young lady.
Chad: Oh, congrats.
Mr. Buckley: Yet, I feel nothing, Chad. Nothing!
Chad: Okay.
Mr. Buckley: Oh, but that doesn’t matter because it’s all part of daddy’s master plan. You know, marry the rich girl from new port, become a professor and achieve 10 year by 40. God forbid! The great Lenard Buckley’s son should feel the love of another man!
[Mr. Buckley throws a globe away]
Chad: Another globe.
Mr. Buckley: I was drawn to you Chad because truth be told, I envy you. You’re a man who lives his life free from doubt and worry. I wanna be you Chad.
Chad: Okay.
Mr. Buckley: Oh, my word. This is so pathetic. Look at me. I’m a 28 year old professor’s assistant pouring my heart out to a sophomore student. Am I boring you?
Chad: Kind of.
Mr. Buckley: [looking at the ceiling] Argh! You can of course leave at any time you wish and spare yourself my ramblings. Though, I have to admit having an ear to bend makes a welcome–[door closing sound] [Mr. Buckley looks around. Chad isn’t there.]
Chad?
[Mr. Buckley runs out of his office]
Chad? Chad?
[Chad is skating away. He turns around.]
Chad: Wad up?
Mr. Buckley: Would you mind just getting back here for a moment? There’s something else I wanted to say to you.
Chad: Oh, okay.
[Chad skates towards Mr. Buckley’s office but he passes the door]
Mr. Buckley: Chad, you passed it.
Chad: Oh, my bad.
[Cut to Mr. Buckley and Chad getting in Mr. Buckley’s office]
Mr. Buckley: Chad, I hopefully can forget about my brief lack of self control today.
Chad: Okay.
Mr. Buckley: I truly hope that my actions haven’t tainted our friendship.
Chad: Ha-ha. Taint.
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