forgiveness requires a willingness to move beyond our negative feelings. fortunately, we are predisposed to heal + forgiveness is a big part of that. we just need to create the conditions to allow our natural mechanisms to function.
R — Recall the Hurt: Honestly remember the transgression, without minimizing or maximizing it. This is not rumination but a clear-eyed acknowledgment of what happened and how it affected you.
E — Empathize: Try to understand the transgressor's perspective — their state of mind, history, and circumstances — not to excuse but to humanize. Research shows that perspective-taking is a crucial mediator of forgiveness: it becomes harder to sustain pure resentment toward someone you genuinely understand.
A — Altruistic Gift: Recall a time you needed forgiveness from someone and received it, or a time you were the one who caused harm. Recognize forgiveness as a gift you can offer — not because it's deserved but because you know what it's like to need it. This step frames forgiveness as a generous act rather than a capitulation.
C — Commit: Make a public or written commitment to forgiving — journaling about it, telling a trusted person, or simply writing a statement. Commitment makes the decision more durable and resistant to resentment's return.
H — Hold onto Forgiveness: Expect that resentment will return and prepare to recommit to forgiveness when it does. Forgiveness is often a process rather than a one-time achievement; renewing the commitment when resentment resurfaces is normal and expected.
THE SOURCE:
Read Julie's Medium Blog.
Support JULIE (and the show!)
Support + get some bonus stuff over on PATREON.
Get an occasional personal email from me: www.makeyourdamnbedpodcast.com
Tune in on INSTAGRAM AND YOUTUBE or TIKTOK.
Info on War Tax Resistance.
Donate to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund and the Sudan Relief Fund
The opinions expressed by Julie Merica and Make Your Damn Bed Podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. Make Your Damn Bed podcast is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
","author_name":"Julie Merica"}